And The Oscar Goes To...

My boys. My penguins. My angels. I love them to no end but this video is the most painfully embarrassing shit ever conceived:



FAIL!!!!!!!!!!

I love how Colby Cheese is not convinced of his own 'superstar' status: "You know because of who I am(?????)"*shifty eyese*, but who are you Colby, who are you...which of course brings us to Maxim Talbot. Maxim Talbot is probably the hardest to watch, I mean the whole McLovin joke was hilarious but his 'Ode to McLovin' reminds of high school assemblies, when our guidance counselors tried to relate to us and they'd say something like:
"yo what is up DAWG? how is it going? what is the 411, G? I will keep it on the down low! I can get jiggy with it! who let the dogs out? raise the roof homie, word to your mother!"
Our response: *crickets*
I'm soooooooo embarassed for them! The only one left with a shred of dignity is Malkin and that's because he doesn't say anything.

These are the times when I really regret me and Jordan Staal not being bff, we'd rip on these guys hard!!!!!!!!! and then chug some beer, woot! I hope husband no. 5 is laughing (with his girly laugh) his ass off over this. I know I'd never let them live it down...EVER!

How The West Was Won

Marc Always looks 12 in his uniform

I did watch the All-Star festivities this weekend, the highlights:
-The YoungStars game (ooo Marc Staal!);
-the end of the Breakaway contest(because that's when the players understood what the hell was going on);
-Dion Phaneuf winning the Shoot out contest, when it was 3 vs 1;
-Chris Pronger falling flat on his face in front of the cameras;
-and the third period of the All-Star game.

HECK YES!

My thoughts:
-I remember the All-Star game being more exciting when I was younger, I don't know if it was because I was a kid or because it was actually more exciting back then.
-Its clear that the All-Star weekend is more for the players to have fun, muck about, and not check each other. I was bored as hell but hey the players were having the time of their lives.
-The skillz competition was boring, I'm not really into that kind of thing, so I may not be the best judge of whether it was good or not, but I can say this, the Obstacle course was ASS!

Toskala's so jealous right now! His boyfriend's hitting on Pavel!

Who was robbed:
-Rick Nash and/or Marc Savard. I love me some Staal don't get me wrong, but to be honest, Eric was hardily a blip on the radar compared to Nash and Savard, who were off the hook and thus they were robbed...sorry Eric

I OBJECT

-Lundqvist, why? why wasn't he there? like srsly, homeboy was ROBBED!!!
-Jack Johnson. He really should have played the "half-time show" and not Neyo, I mean I wanted to hear him belt out Sitting, Waiting, Wishing, that song is TOTALLY about his bff, Sidney Crosby:

Must I always be waiting, waiting on you
Must I always be playing, playing your fool
I sang your songs, I danced your dance
I gave your friends all a chance
But putting up with them
Wasn't worth never having you

sounds like Johnson's a little jealous of Colby Cheese...

Um...:
-Wow hockey players sure are illiterate
-Wow hockey players have ZERO personality
-Chris Pronger really is a douche bag
-Alyssa Milano is designing a line of fan wear for the female hockey fan...oh great now we can all look like cheap and tacky Essex girls
-That was like the most random All-Star line up! who the fuck is Duncan Keith?????

All in all it was OK, it wasn't exciting like the winter classic, but it wasn't a total suck-fest; its like watching a Leafs game...when they're playing the LA kings, its hockey, but its nothing special.


...Oh yea the East beat the West, who knew?

MERKKED!!!

Dear Georges Laraque,

You're kind of my hero:



Love,

Nicole
xoxo



Its clear that Steve Downie isn't getting the message, with several suspensions, warnings, and undoubtedly many verbal ass-woopings from various NHL cronies, he just can't see what he's doing wrong. Either that, or he just doesn't care...I'm betting on the latter. Sure Laraque's hit was questionable but hey that's the only language Downs understands, maybe someday, he'll get it, but I highly doubt it, until then let's just hope the league wakes up and bans his ass from the league before someone ends up in a coma.

Hot Bitches

To get our minds off recent tragic events, I've decided to present to you, my hot bitches post. I did one a while back but I deleted it because, well I kind of got carried away with the descriptions, and it was...hella embarrassing :S

Enough with the talking and let's get on with the drooling , shall we?

Paul Newman, The Ultimate

Gary Oldman AKA Lt. Gordon
Lt. Sharpe

Clint Eastwood

William Holden

HOLY SHIT!!!!!

I just found out that Heath Ledger was found dead today.

WTF????? Totally out of left field! OMG he has a 2 year old daughter, this is so fucking sad. I just don't really know what to say. This is horrifying news, first Brad then Heath, wow...no words, there's just no words...

NERD ALERT!!!

Ever since I was a kid I've kind have been into the whole sci-fi genre of movies. NO, I am not a trekkie who goes to conventions, or can quote lines on the drop of the hat, or own all versions of of the star wars saga (DVD, VHS, on tape, etc.). But truth be told I love that show Stargate: Atlantis, I think it poses a lot of ethical questions (SHUT UP, it totally does!), makes you question their decisions, where the wrong one could destroy an entire world, and yes I have a little crush on Col. John Shepperd . SO there you have it I love sc-fi, because it asks questions about our future, it tells stories about things that could very well happen in the future which brings me to my main point, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles is kind of amazing!

I LOVE that show! Its insane! Its got time travel, cyborgs, and fuck do you need anything else? fucking cyborgs, WHAAAATTTTTTT? Plus it foretells the future, a future that could very well come to pass. Every Monday I stop watching hockey, so I can watch this show, its THAT good, NO LIE!

ok I'm done.

Coles Notes On The NHL

John Ferguson Jr. has been axed, fired, dude's dunzo! Which of course we all saw coming for months. Rumours have been floating 'round the league of his termination since November...FUCKING NOVEMBER! In no other profession, hell no other hockey club would dare treat one of their own like that but this is Leafs Inc. where making money is priority #1, everything else, including Lord Stanley, is secondary...oh yea I went there! This is a club that's ruled from the board room, where old cronies' opinions trump the coach's strategy. Was JFJ a bad GM, maybe, did he deserve to be dragged through the shit everyday for nearly 4 months, absolutely not! Good luck to Leafs Inc. in getting a new GM, because we all know you're not getting any excellence awards from the Labour Board of Ontario anytime soon, if you catch my drift.


Sidney Crosby, the love of my life, husband no. 5, hockey's Lord and Savior, is out for 6-8 weeks, which means homeboy can't even dream about coming back until about March! And you know its killing him! Hockey is his life...no you don't understand, its his ~*life*~. There is nothing else for him, its hockey or hockey! He'll probably be creepy a good leader and go on the road with the team and give amazing half-time speeches, and cuddle with Colby Cheese. Maybe this will be a good time for him to explore other interests, in between physeio, like W.O.W., or knitting, or getting a new hair cut, or spending time with me, or men's fashion, you know something to broaden his horizons and take his mind off of the fact that HE AIN'T GOING TO PLAY ANYTIME SOON, PUTTING HIS TEAM'S CHANCES OF MAKING THE PLAYOFFS IN JEOPARDY!!!!!! but hey don't beat yourself up Crosby!


Last night it was The Capitals vs. The Penguins Ovechkin vs. Malkin, and Ovechkin was being a very bad boy, NO COOKIES FOR YOU! Anyways, the game was hella tight, yes it was a good game but what I meant was that when one team scored about a minute later the other team answered with their own goal, it was NUTZ! The game went into over time, which then went into shoot outs (Letang failed to score, boo, what's that all about?) and the Caps took the win. BUT my my, aren't my boys doing well without Jesus. He was in the stands to give moral support, however, my Pens have certainly risen to the occasion, non? They don't need the Messiah after all! (but they would certainly like to have him back and wish him a speedy recovery)


Mike Komisarek is a hot bitch!
He's American and he plays hockey, which means he didn't make the football team.

CALLED IT!

What were my boys, The Pens, going to do without our Lord and Savior, Sidney Crosby???

Merkk bitches, that's what!!!!!

and who led the pack, why Evgeni Malkin of course!!! Just like I predicted! AND the rest of the team stepped up their game tenfold, just like I predicted!

...and came up with a 2-0 win against the Montreal Canadiens.

OH YEA!

Sabourin with his first game back, shut them out, HOT!

I love Crosby (as you may have guessed) but this injury thing, could be a blessing in disguise for the rest of the team, you know so that everyone can finally realize that there are other guys on the team.

Possibly? Maybe? Perhaps?

I'm just throwing that out there because whether we like it or not, Jesus is going to be out for a prolonged period of time, so why shouldn't the boys show that Crosby didn't get those bajillion points all by his lonesome (although theoretically he definitely could have)

To my Pens, who's going to show the world that Jesus is just the *icing on the cake!!!!!!




*icing made by a top chef, 3 inches deep, placed on top of, around, and in the middle of the cake, and incidentally the better part of the cake, because who the hell eats cake without icing???

Oh.My.God

Sidney Crosby, the love of my life, husband no. 5, the apple of my eye, my darling, my love, my bank account, is out. HE'S OUT.



Last night husband no. 5 suffered a high ankle sprain and although nothing can be said for sure, until sometime next week, homeboy will probably out for a month, at the very least...yes this means he misses the all-star game.

First Heater then Crosby, my boys are dropping like flies, who's next Ovechkin *shutters* let's not think about that!

My boys, the Pens, are still my boys, with or without the Messiah. I still love them, I'll still make them peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, I still believe in them and I still want them to win but can they? They have the talent to make this through, between Conk and Malkin, they're playoff contenders for sure, but with the loss of not only their captain but of THE captain, that's gotta hit their morale pretty hard. The cold hard fact is, they all have to step up their game. They have to be about 5 times better than they were, when they were playing with Sidney, because when Jesus is on the ice, he makes you look good! Let's be honest, would Colby Cheese be having such a good season if it weren't for the Messiah??? Methinks not!

Alright boys, its time to quit being boys, grow some chest hair and become men. This is what they'll be talking about in hockey history books: How the Pens merkked everyone without Sidney "the Messiah" Crosby.
TRUST!

PS Malkin, This is your time! Prove to everyone that you deserve to be up there with Ovechkin and Crosby, because you know what I believe in you and your afro!

PPS I have 100% faith in my team, coach Therrien however, well that's an entirely different matter

ZOMG LyKE LAuREn ConRaD izz AT a Hockee GaME

I'm insanely jealous of Lauren Conrad!!!!!!!!!!

Why?

Well:
a)her hair ALWAYS looks good
b)she is essentially talentless and boring yet gets paid a bajillion dollars for cameras to follow her around and document her life
c)all that she's accomplished in life has been handed to her on a silver plater, no real effort was required of her
d)she has a killer shoe collection
e)I love her clothes(I would however wear most of the clothes she wears differently, since her style really isn't mine, but she has what they call in the fashion world "good pieces")
f) She got front row tickets to a hockey game

Sure it was in LA but do you know what kind of voodoo I would have to preform to even get those kinds tickets in Toronto, assuming, of course, that I would have the $30 000 it would cost me for each seat.

And what does homegirl know about hockey anyway? NOTHING, that's what! and like everything else in her life those tickets were probably given to her free of charge...BITCH!


...no I'm not bitter, not bitter at all!

Pieces from my childhood are slowly disappearing.

I may be biased but when I was a kid (early-mid 90s) our Disney movies(i.e. Little Mermaid) kicked ass, our live action movies(i.e. Home Alone) kicked ass, our sports movies(i.e.The Sandlot) kicked ass, and our child actors, well they were probably just as bad as Lindsay and Britney but they kept their shit under wraps, we never knew their business, and some, like Kirsten Dunst, are now A-list well adjusted movie stars.


So it saddens me to say that Brad Renfro, my one time crush, and one time promising young actor, is dead. Obviously I never knew him and in recent years haven't heard anything about him but like a childhood friend that you've lost touch with, it still saddens me that he's dead. He was only 25.

Staal vs Staal, Hall vs Staal, and a Geno hattrick!

Staal vs. Staal

Last night my boys, The Pens played the Rangers AKA Staal vs Staal. Luckily Sean Avery's a whiny bitch and is out with a hand injury.

A lot of lonely nights beating the stick, Avery??? Muahahahahaha

ANYWAYS, at the beginning you could tell both teams wanted it and they wanted it BAD however my boys quickly overpowered the Rangers, and pretty much owned this game. I kind of stopped watching the game for a bit because Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles were on, I flicked in between but srsly guys Terminator > Hockey.

Speaking of cyborgs, how good is Ty Conklin...like for real, who is this dude? where did he come from? why is he so good? and what came first the chicken or the egg? Conk, has been untouchable since replacing Marc-Andre, UNTOUCHABLE! He's nuts, insane, POSSESSED! I don't think I've seen a goalie this season that moves like him! When, and I mean, when the Penguins make the playoffs, Conk should defo be starting goalie (forget Marc-Andre, who's been inconsistent at best!) yes we all know his previous history of playoff uh performance, but there's no other goalie in the NHL that's as red hot as Conk, am I wrong?

Check out Sidney's face...L.O.L.

Who else was on fire, well besides the obvious, Sidney Crosby, MALKIN! Homeboy is totally sticking it to the fans who didn't vote for him for the all-star game, because he got his 2nd NHL hattrick last night, yea his second one in like a week/week and a half time span, take that HATERS!!!!!
The Pens walked away with a 4-1 victory, and the Rangers, in the dying seconds of the game, decided that since they couldn't win the game, maybe they should throw down, and win with a beat down! Adam Hall, and my boyfriend Marc Staal, got into it the most. It wasn't a fight exactly, Adam tried the whole jersey over the head thing (to which I screamed "Hey Hall, that's my job, step off my man!") but Marc got Adam into a bear hug and try as he might Hall could not get any good jabs in, OH MARC! He did manage to get of Marc's helmet, to reveal his ginger hair (tnawww) which I got really excited about and then realized that I'm lame.


So after last night's game, husband no. 5 is tied with Vincent Lecavalier for top points in the league. AND my boys, the Pens, are first place in the Atlantic Division...HECK YES!

Coles Notes On The NHL

Count Chocula AKA Roberto Luongo will not participate in the All-Star game. His wife is in her final stages of pregnancy and he wants to be with her. Nice to see that the Count has his priorities straight, after all, its only the All-Star game, and he is Roberto Luongo, he can do as he damn well pleases!


Dany Heatley is out for 4-6 weeks with a separated shoulder, so its safe to say he's out of the All-Star game as well. Don't worry guys I will take very good care of Heater while he's down for the count ;)



On Saturday The Leafs blew a 2-0 lead, against the San Jose Sharks, all goals scored by the sharks were done in the THIRD period. I don't want to jump on the same wagon as the Toronto sports media because frankly, they piss even me off, but there's going to be some rearranging withing Leafs Inc. Although they'll probably be stupid about it and fire Paul Maurice (which will break my heart because he's like my dad!) and I also think firing JFJ will prove ineffective, because who plays the games? huh? It ain't Maurice and it ain't Ferguson Jr. I love how, with the exception of McCabe, the players remain virtually blameless within the press(no Don Cherry does not count)...bitch please! Some trading and acquiring needs to be done!


Mark Recchi gets his revenge! Ever since Penguins Inc. shit on Mark Recchi, he's been a man possessed, scoring left, right, and centre, calling out his old team in the media, ooo them be fighting words, Mark. And finally VINDICATION. In shoot outs, husband no. 5 misses and then comes Mark Recchi for the win! Cutting the Penguins 8 game winning streak. Recchi to the Penguins: better luck next time...BITCHES!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARC!!!!!!!

Today is my boyfriend, Marc Staal's 21st birthday which means he can now get mad crunk legally in the US, woo hoo!

Although it seems that Marc is an expert when evading the authorities whilst drunk and underaged, because how is it that Eric and Jordan got busted for being drunk and disorderly, and Marc didn't? One thing's for sure, his mugshot would defo be the hottest! AND you guessed it, Marc has usurped Jordan's position of being my favourite Staal brother, how? One word: Personality! Apparently Ginge Staal Sr. is the trouble maker of the bunch...I so called that one!

Happy birthday Marc!!!!! Now when I come visit you, we no longer have to pay Scott Gomez to buy our booze, SCORE!

The first video you get to see Ginge Staal Sr. shirtless, hubba hubba, and his physique is a hell of a lot better than Jordan's









*Oh god I hope Avery wasn't invited to his birthday

Western Conference

This is the conference I know the least about because I live in the East, but regardless of that fact, I still know who belongs and who doesn't!


Goaltenders:
Roberto Luongo
Manny Legace
Chris Osgood
Evgeni Nabokov

Why does the West get four goaltenders, not fair!!! Oh wait, the East has a whole OTHER team in Ovechkin, my bad!

Forwards:
Henrik Zetterberg
Pavel Datsyuk
Jarome Iginla
Jason Arnott
Marian Gaborik
Ryan Getzlaf
Shawn Horcoff
Anze Kopitar
Rick Nash
Henrik Sedin
Paul Stastny
Joe Thornton

OMG do you think we'll get more hilarious commercials featuring Joe Thornton? I love that guy!

Defense:
Nicklas Lidstrom
Dion Phaneuf
Duncan Keith
Ed Jovanovski
Chris Pronger

Pronger??? Srsly??? WTF, were you people thinking??? Now I REALLY want the East to win!

Eastern Conference

So the teams for the NHL all-star game have been announced, and...well I doubt anybody is shocked that any of these players made the team (with the exception of a few in the West) I mean it wasn't like Wade Belak made the team or anything (*snort*). Here's your 2008 Eastern line up:

Goaltenders:

Martin Brodeur
Rick DiPietro
Tomas Vokoun

WHAT THE FUCK????? WHY NOT LUNDQVIST?????

Forwards:

Sidney Crosby
Vincent Lecavalier
Daniel Alfredsson
Scott Gomez
Dany Heatley
Marian Hossa
Ilya Kovalchuk
Alex Ovechkin
Mike Richards
Jason Spezza
Eric Staal
Martin St. Louis

OMG!!! Ottawa's super not-so-secert weapon, first line have all made the team!!!!! AND John Paddock is the coach for the East...the West's got no chance in hell! Now if I scratch out Mike's [Richards] name and put Brad, do you think anyone would notice?

Ovechkin? HECK YES! You know what, its over! The rest of the team doesn't even have to show up, Alex's got this one under control!

Defense:
Zdeno Chara
Andrei Markov
Brian Campbell
Sergei Gonchar
Tomas Kaberle
Kimmo Timonen

Kaberle, the lone Leaf! He's totally going to get seizures being exposed to hockey players who can actually play! I'm not hating, Kaberle is one of the best players on Toronto and he brings it almost every game, I'm just saying, playing with Darcy Tucker and playing with Daniel Alfredsson are two completely different things. Its going to blow his mind, man!

New Years Resolutions

I personally don't believe in New Years Resolutions because by like January 20th nobody even remembers what their resolutions were let alone have started on them so why bother? However, that doesn't mean I can't rear my judgmental gaze towards the NHL, right?

Mark Bell:

Don't drop the soap!!! LULz (I'm so going to hell aren't I?)

Mats Sudin:

Go to Detroit man! DO IT! You can always pull a Wendel Clark and play your last season with the Leafs, because srsly dude the Leafs aren't set to win the cup till...not in my lifetime.

Steve Downie:

Anger Management; sensitivity training; and volunteer at a soup kitchen at least once a week.

Sean Avery:

Quit hockey, fade into obscurity, and never be heard of again!

Vincent Lecavalier:

Leave Tampa! You've already won them a cup! You are at the peak of your powers! You will never be as good as you are right now! I don't care which team you move to, just leave Tampa!!!

Sidney Crosby:

Get a new haircut, lay off the gel, hire a stylist, quit being such an old man, and propose to me already!!!!!

Mike Comrie:

Cheat on Hilary Duff with Lindsay Lohan. SCANDALOUS! The sex will be a bajillion times better AND do you know how much attention you'll give the NHL??? Soon it will be you in those RBK promos and Gatorade commercials, TRUST!

Marc Staal:

Wear sunscreen, ask me to move in with you, in your New York apartment, and buy me whatever I want!

Alexander Ovechkin:

Just keep doing what you're doing!

Jordan Staal:

Score!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is all I ask.

DREAM SEQUENCE

So I had this dream last night:

Marc Staal was my boyfriend and after a night of clubbing and drinking I made him go to a strip club with me because I thought it would be hilarious and kind of hot, at the same time. I could tell he didn't want to go but he took me anyway like a good boyfriend would. I was drunk, and he was visibly upset but he humored me and endured it. I was wearing this gold sequent dress, with black tights, and black pumps, and had the body of Alessandra Ambrosio (ooo so stylish...and hot!).

We got this private room, and I stared pole dancing (no I didn't take off anything), but Marc wouldn't look at me, I kept twirling because, I was wasted and somehow thought he'd look eventually. Finally the waitress came in and brought our drinks, mine was a martini his was a gin and tonic or vodka, something clear like that. I stopped dancing and hanging by one hand I just looked at him, he was really upset but wouldn't say anything. His cheeks were all flushed, and he kept on shifting and moving his lips as if he was going to say something but he always stopped himself before he did.

I got off the pole walked over to him and he still didn't look at me, I was near tears because I didn't know what was wrong. I moved closer to him so his bent leg was between mine, and as he rested his head against my chest I understood: He thought too much of me, and respected me too much for me to be pole dancing for him, I felt like an asshole, and I felt like a slut. The he stood up, kissed me in the forehead, and with his arm around me, we walked out of that strip club.


What a vivid dream, eh? So detailed! AND wouldn't the world be a better place if ~*dream*~ Marc Staal, actually existed? *sigh*

Coles Notes On The NHL

Raffi Torres of the Edmonton Oilers is out for the rest of the season because of a torn ACL or some shit. I'm really going to miss his bleach blonde goatee...

PHOTO SHOPPED!!!! Husband no. 5 is on the cover of January's issue of Men's Fitness and um...Sidney's no male model let's put it that way! Ugh his hair, it kills me, clearly he hasn't been reading any of my fan mail! Jordan Staal really needs to give homeboy some pointers either that or Crosby needs to start watching America's next top model; Practice in the mirror Crosby, smile with your eyes, be aware of your body!


The All-Star starting line-ups have been announced:

East

Sidney Crosby - Crosby, starting in the All Star game, NO WAI!
Vincent Lecavalier - Vinny playing on a line that doesn't include St. Louis and Richards, NO WAI!
Daniel Alfredsson - Alfie playing on a line that doesn't include Spezza and Heatley, NO WAI!

Andrei Markov - Meh, whatevs
Zdeno Chara - Genetic freak...who can fuck a bitch up!

Martin Brodeur - Brodeur??? What about Lundqvist???? BOO!

West

Henrik Zetterberg - WERD!!!
Pavel Datsyuk - uh sure, whatever works!
Jarome Iginla - SCORE! Iggy is the best player in the NHL, skilled player, fearless leader, and a genuinely nice guy, I VOTED FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!

Nicklas Lidstrom - yea I voted for you too...the 2nd time around
Dion Phaneuf - ~*fierce*~, don't disappoint me Dion, I voted for you...the 5th time around

Roberto Luongo - Count Chocula is ready to shut out the East...Dude get a haircut!


OY! Where's Ovechkin??? He better make the team, that kid's on fire, NO LIE!

Date, Marry, Kill: The Carolina Hurricanes Edition

Its been a while since D.M.K. so in honor of Carolina sucking royally lately (losing 2nd place to New Jersey, WTF???) let's do them 'canes, shall we?

I'd Date Mike Commodore:
I'm not going to lie, I do find Mike Commodore hugely attractive. He's got great bone structure, ginger hair, and if it weren't for that eye injury (or whatever the hell happened) homeboy would be hella hot!!! But alas what's done is done, and despite his lazy eye, I'd boink Commie in a New York minute! Pffft like you wouldn't. Commodore, I think would be a decent boyfriend; he'd probably do the typical boyfriend things like forget your birthday; go out to dinner with you and your single friends and be awkward about it; not take out the garbage unless told to do so; drink milk straight out of the carton; and when he wanted to get down and dirty you'd mostly likely reply with "not tonight, honey"...you know, usual boyfriend stuff. But the thing with Commie is, I'm like 100% sure that the relationship would start red hot, like sex on the hood of his F150 but then would cool off pretty quickly like having sex once a week and the whole time you're thinking about doing you're taxes. Sorry Mike, I just don't feel the way I used to, its over! (He'd be a great nostalgic lay, am I wrong?)


I'd Marry Rod Brind'Amour:


Oh yes you read correctly, I'd so totally marry Rod Brind'Amour! Never mind the fact that he's not getting any calls from GQ *cough* or the fact that I was 1 years old when he entered into the NHL(and had a mullet *gasp*) but let's talk about what is husband material:
a)A man who is responsible - Rod is the Captain of the 'caines, and lead his team to a win a Stanley Cup in 2006
b)A man who would be a good dad - Carolina has these weird personality profiles on their site for their various players (who wants to know Andrew Ladd's favourite colour anyway?) and as one of his favourite activities, Rod put spending time with his kids, tnawww so cute!
c)A man who has a good job - HELLO, professional athlete here!
d)A man who is respectful and honest - Clearly I don't know him personally but judging from his interviews Rod's a pretty good guy, plus all his teammates love him and if a Staal loves you then I love you!
e)A man who looks good in a suit - check above photo, and tell me he doesn't look sharp!

Plus there is just something about Rod that awakens the primordial instinct inside of me, every time I see him on tv, I want to jump through the screen, jump him, and just BREED! Yes animalistic, earth shattering sex with Rod Brind'Amour...you can toooootally picture it, can't you! (pervs!!!!!)


I'd Kill Cam Ward:


I know what you're thinking, "Oh Cam, he's just so gosh darn cute and he's Canadian and he's such a nice guy, why are you offing him?" Well I've got 5 words for you: His.Favourite.Band.Is.Nickleback. Any objections, now...yea I didn't think so!