New Years Resolutions

I personally don't believe in New Years Resolutions because by like January 20th nobody even remembers what their resolutions were let alone have started on them so why bother? However, that doesn't mean I can't rear my judgmental gaze towards the NHL, right?

Mark Bell:

Don't drop the soap!!! LULz (I'm so going to hell aren't I?)

Mats Sudin:

Go to Detroit man! DO IT! You can always pull a Wendel Clark and play your last season with the Leafs, because srsly dude the Leafs aren't set to win the cup till...not in my lifetime.

Steve Downie:

Anger Management; sensitivity training; and volunteer at a soup kitchen at least once a week.

Sean Avery:

Quit hockey, fade into obscurity, and never be heard of again!

Vincent Lecavalier:

Leave Tampa! You've already won them a cup! You are at the peak of your powers! You will never be as good as you are right now! I don't care which team you move to, just leave Tampa!!!

Sidney Crosby:

Get a new haircut, lay off the gel, hire a stylist, quit being such an old man, and propose to me already!!!!!

Mike Comrie:

Cheat on Hilary Duff with Lindsay Lohan. SCANDALOUS! The sex will be a bajillion times better AND do you know how much attention you'll give the NHL??? Soon it will be you in those RBK promos and Gatorade commercials, TRUST!

Marc Staal:

Wear sunscreen, ask me to move in with you, in your New York apartment, and buy me whatever I want!

Alexander Ovechkin:

Just keep doing what you're doing!

Jordan Staal:

Score!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is all I ask.