Alexander Semin has got skillzzzzzz

...

Maybe he was going for a judo chop kind of move and was just like 'fuck it I'm going to slap this bitch!'

My boyfriend, Marc Staal, has been in his share of fights and I think its quite obvious Semin's never fought a day in his life, so given that he did 'aight.

*snort*

But it still is funny! Speaking of funny:



I had to. You know I did!

All is fair in love and war...and in the playoffs

Staal vs. Staal; even brothers, take no prisoners

I love Sidney Crosby and all but I LOVED it when Marc Staal merkked him in the face, I laughed SO hard.

PS My boys, the pens are leading the series 2-0, woot! F*ck you Sean Avery!!!

Ryan Holloweg has no rhythm

Ryan Holloweg is on the New York Rangers, who got merkked by my boys, the Pens, yesterday (OMG and Dubie almost sliced up Malkin's face). Anyways, Holly is known as a pest, an agitator...I know New York has Avery AND Holloweg, clearly the coaching staff is coming up with a new strategy to win games: the bitch strategy.

I never really had an opinion about Holloweg either which way. Sure he's in a band with my boyfriend , Marc Staal, and rocks the Eddie Vedder hair circa 1997, and is kind of annoying during games, however, I've never bothered to decide whether I like him or not, and this really isn't helping his case:



OK yea this is hilarious. He can't dance, he's acting a fool and this sort of shit brings guys together for some reason; personally I don't get it but athletes are a different kind of breed. On the other hand, however, the only type of guy who would do this kind of pre-game ritual and allow it to be recorded is a douche bag, TRUST

...I know a douche bag in the NHL, who knew???

SO here I am wondering, do I hate on Holloweg, or do I tolerate him because he and my boyfriend are kind of tight. He seems like a fun guy that all his teammates like but he's also a douche bag, oh the moral dilemma

Rock Star: Now touring NHL arenas

My brother and I were bored one day talking about how Ryan Miller and Brian Campbell rocked it out on an open mic night one night in some bar in Buffalo. I thought it was hilarious...and really embarrassing for them.

We then proceeded to go through the various NHL teams and form bands within those clubs, THE best band we came up with was The Toronto Maple Leafs, The Band:

Lead vocals/Rhythm Guitar: Paul Kubina
Lead guitar/Backing vocals: Mats Sundin
Bass: Darcy Tucker
Drums: Brian McCabe
Keyboards/Synthesizers/Triangle/Chimes: Alex Steen

Best band ever, non?

I mean, imagine Mats Sundin, rippin' on a guitar solo, his shirt unbutton, a cigarette in his mouth and his guitar face...PRICELESS!!! McCabe would TOTALLY have a mullet; you can picture it can't you?

Well apparently my brother and I weren't the only ones with this brilliant idea. My boyfriend Marc Staal and some other dudes thought that they could do the rockstar thing better than my Leafs...PUH-LEEZE:



Marc's a decent drummer, but Strudwick can't sing, and Hollweg...I just don't like him in general.

But guys think about it: Rockstar Leafs Vs. Rockstar Rangers...

Leafs > Rangers, non?



...in hockey however, well we know how I feel about that!

Staal vs Staal, Hall vs Staal, and a Geno hattrick!

Staal vs. Staal

Last night my boys, The Pens played the Rangers AKA Staal vs Staal. Luckily Sean Avery's a whiny bitch and is out with a hand injury.

A lot of lonely nights beating the stick, Avery??? Muahahahahaha

ANYWAYS, at the beginning you could tell both teams wanted it and they wanted it BAD however my boys quickly overpowered the Rangers, and pretty much owned this game. I kind of stopped watching the game for a bit because Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles were on, I flicked in between but srsly guys Terminator > Hockey.

Speaking of cyborgs, how good is Ty Conklin...like for real, who is this dude? where did he come from? why is he so good? and what came first the chicken or the egg? Conk, has been untouchable since replacing Marc-Andre, UNTOUCHABLE! He's nuts, insane, POSSESSED! I don't think I've seen a goalie this season that moves like him! When, and I mean, when the Penguins make the playoffs, Conk should defo be starting goalie (forget Marc-Andre, who's been inconsistent at best!) yes we all know his previous history of playoff uh performance, but there's no other goalie in the NHL that's as red hot as Conk, am I wrong?

Check out Sidney's face...L.O.L.

Who else was on fire, well besides the obvious, Sidney Crosby, MALKIN! Homeboy is totally sticking it to the fans who didn't vote for him for the all-star game, because he got his 2nd NHL hattrick last night, yea his second one in like a week/week and a half time span, take that HATERS!!!!!
The Pens walked away with a 4-1 victory, and the Rangers, in the dying seconds of the game, decided that since they couldn't win the game, maybe they should throw down, and win with a beat down! Adam Hall, and my boyfriend Marc Staal, got into it the most. It wasn't a fight exactly, Adam tried the whole jersey over the head thing (to which I screamed "Hey Hall, that's my job, step off my man!") but Marc got Adam into a bear hug and try as he might Hall could not get any good jabs in, OH MARC! He did manage to get of Marc's helmet, to reveal his ginger hair (tnawww) which I got really excited about and then realized that I'm lame.


So after last night's game, husband no. 5 is tied with Vincent Lecavalier for top points in the league. AND my boys, the Pens, are first place in the Atlantic Division...HECK YES!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARC!!!!!!!

Today is my boyfriend, Marc Staal's 21st birthday which means he can now get mad crunk legally in the US, woo hoo!

Although it seems that Marc is an expert when evading the authorities whilst drunk and underaged, because how is it that Eric and Jordan got busted for being drunk and disorderly, and Marc didn't? One thing's for sure, his mugshot would defo be the hottest! AND you guessed it, Marc has usurped Jordan's position of being my favourite Staal brother, how? One word: Personality! Apparently Ginge Staal Sr. is the trouble maker of the bunch...I so called that one!

Happy birthday Marc!!!!! Now when I come visit you, we no longer have to pay Scott Gomez to buy our booze, SCORE!

The first video you get to see Ginge Staal Sr. shirtless, hubba hubba, and his physique is a hell of a lot better than Jordan's









*Oh god I hope Avery wasn't invited to his birthday

DREAM SEQUENCE

So I had this dream last night:

Marc Staal was my boyfriend and after a night of clubbing and drinking I made him go to a strip club with me because I thought it would be hilarious and kind of hot, at the same time. I could tell he didn't want to go but he took me anyway like a good boyfriend would. I was drunk, and he was visibly upset but he humored me and endured it. I was wearing this gold sequent dress, with black tights, and black pumps, and had the body of Alessandra Ambrosio (ooo so stylish...and hot!).

We got this private room, and I stared pole dancing (no I didn't take off anything), but Marc wouldn't look at me, I kept twirling because, I was wasted and somehow thought he'd look eventually. Finally the waitress came in and brought our drinks, mine was a martini his was a gin and tonic or vodka, something clear like that. I stopped dancing and hanging by one hand I just looked at him, he was really upset but wouldn't say anything. His cheeks were all flushed, and he kept on shifting and moving his lips as if he was going to say something but he always stopped himself before he did.

I got off the pole walked over to him and he still didn't look at me, I was near tears because I didn't know what was wrong. I moved closer to him so his bent leg was between mine, and as he rested his head against my chest I understood: He thought too much of me, and respected me too much for me to be pole dancing for him, I felt like an asshole, and I felt like a slut. The he stood up, kissed me in the forehead, and with his arm around me, we walked out of that strip club.


What a vivid dream, eh? So detailed! AND wouldn't the world be a better place if ~*dream*~ Marc Staal, actually existed? *sigh*

D-NIED!!!

It's no secret that I loathe Sean Avery, I've talked about this on several occasions most notably when he allegedly made comments about Jason Blake's cancer. No one knows for sure what he said, all we do know is that it was bad, real bad...but of course it was bad this is King Douche we're talking about, ugh I wonder how many date rapes he has under his belt...

I can't even like Elisha Cuthbert now, because, not only does she put up with that disease infested waste of space heiress skank but she boinked Avery for over two years! She must have gotten a lobotomy after her stint on Popular Mechanics For Kids or something, that's the only logicial explanation I can come up with. ANYWAYS my good, and ever reliable friend, karma, decided to step in and knock King Douche off his johnny-on-the-spot throne (if only for a night) NY DAILY NEWS:

"The New York Rangers celebrated their 5-2 victory over the Ottawa Senators Saturday night at Bungalow 8, where injured forward Sean Avery showed up with a sling on one hand and black nail polish on the other. The Blueshirts had originally hit up Buddha Bar but were denied entrance. "F- this place! We're never coming here again!" screamed the Rangers' flack when the bouncer said he didn't know or care who the hometown heroes were. Guess he's an Isles fan!"

...

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

...

OMG! if my boyfriend, Marc [Staal] was with them and he was denied...oh, me and that bouncer WILL have words!

ANYWAYS, back to my main point, King Douche got D-NIED!!!!!!!!!! Who are these people that work at Buddha Bar???? I have to send them some kind of award, or cupcakes at the very least because, HAAAAAAAAAAA!!! You're just some douche from pickering Avery, NEVER forget that because apparently the bouncers in New York haven't!



PS how is he one of peoples 50 hottest guys? who's in charge of that shit? Avery's mom? (who by the way is a very nice lady, how she raised such a douche is beyond me, Mrs. Avery, I'll send you flowers on mother's day!!!!)


PPS Marc I'm kind of in love with you! (don't tell Sidney...or Jordo!)


PPPS VESA TOSKALA IS NHLPA'S PLAYER OF THE DAY, visit the site and drool over his deer in the headlights photo and dream up all the shopping sprees you can with his compensation. I've never been to Finland, Vesa just, must take me this summer! Oh how I love being Poylandric!

Date, Marry, Kill The Staal Brothers Edition: Incest is best!

The Staal brothers, the greatest genetic experiment to hit the NHL!!!! Not only do these boys have marketable mad hockey skills but they also have mad marketable looks! Spreads in GQ and Vogue homme are just around the corner, TRUST! Now lets' get on with the Staaling, shall we?

I'd date Marc Staal:

"Hey Marc, do the carpets match the curtains?" ;)

There's just something about Marc that awakens the maternal instinct in me; it could be his ginger hair, or that he's the brother we know the least about, or it could be the fact that he's exposed to a naked Sean Avery on a regular basis (exposure to a miro-penis must be traumatizing). Whatever it is, whenever there's mention of Ginge Staal an uncontrolled "tnawwwwwwww, Marc" escapes from my mouth, I don't know why, just does. Marc would be the best boyfriend out of all the NHL Staals (Sorry Jared, you've been excluded, what are you like, 12?) because I think he's the nicest; he'd give you flowers after you got your teeth cleaned at the dentist, would leave you the bigger piece of the pie, introduce you to his mother after your second date, hold your hair after you've taken 12 tequila shots, vomiting everywhere, and he'd probably hang out with you more than with 'his boys'. BUT no matter how nice Ginge is, I can't do nice. After a while I'd get sick of him always putting the seat down when he's done in the bathroom, and asking me about my feelings sorry Marc, its just not going to work out!

I'd marry Jordan Staal:



I'm like 100% sure that Penguins INC. AKA Mario, is pulling in all kinds of favours for the local newspapers, radio stations, and puck bunnies, not to spill the beans, because Jordo, is a party boy!!!! Abso-freaking-lutely, 100 % true, homeboy parties like a rock star!!!! But Jordan isn't a mindless frat ass hat, by day he's the fun guy, who most girls would think "omg Jordan would make SUCH a good boyfriend, like omg!!!!" he may make in appropriate jokes at times but overall Jordo is harmless and a sweet guy...that is until its pub night and its $4 dollars a pitcher! Homeboy is completely unrecognizable when you walk in, dancing like an ape, telling dirty jokes, yelling "I lurve thesssss sssssssong!" every 2 minutes, possibly a young Brian McGrattan, maybe? So why do I want to marry this fool? Well besides the fact that we have soooo much in common and we'd like totally be bff in real life, well:
a)He's super talented, hall of fame bound for sure!
b)When Jordo's passed out on the couch Marc and I could relive the glory days upstairs *wink* *wink*
c)Paternity wouldn't come into question because ginges are prevelant in both our families, so it would totally be possible for Jordo and I to make a ginge baby, Marc wouldn't even pop into his mind, heh...AHEM
d)Sidney Crosby would be our neighbour (he can come borrow some sugar anytime ;))
e)With his height and bone structure, and my eclectic genetic make up, and pretty gene our sons would be strapping young lads, while our daughters would be victoria secret-esque beauties
f) BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY Jordan will be soooooo hot when he gets older! Think he's good looking now wait till he's 35, old man hot is the best kind of hot!
Yes I would soooo marry Jordan Staal, how fun would that marriage be?

I'd kill Eric Staal:



Something's starting to change in the eldest of the brotherhood. He' still a kick ass player BUT I'm sensing an arrogance that was not there before, its mild, but still there...who do you think you are Eric, Sidney Crosby? OFF WITH HIS HEAD!

His Royal Highness King Douche Bag

My boys the sens beat mes amis the Canadiens, 3-1, both teams close to my heart so for me it was a win/win situation. For a while there it looked like mes amis were going to win this one but my boys brought it late in the 3rd period and captured the win. Even though the score was 3-1 it was acutally a pretty close game, very face paced, and very entertaining! Despite the fact that both teams hold a special place in my cold black heart, I was kind of leaning towards mes amis but like I said I'm happy either way.

Sooo...

Last night the bitches in blue played the New York Rangers, and I was sorta, kinda hoping that the bitches would kick some Ranger ass...there I said it!

YES I wanted the bitches to win! why?

Well first of all I don't hate the leafs, I love them like you'd love a delinquent little brother: they're annoying; you always fight; they steal your money and never return it; they're always breaking promises; they're failing; they make your dad drink more beer; they make your mother cry but at the end of the day you still love them and would still let them live in your basement when they're single, 35, and jobless.

I do love the leafs and on occasion will hope that they capture a win or two (depending on the team they're playing) and last night was one of those occasions, why? Two words: Sean. Avery.

Sean, Sean, Sean, Sean! The poster child for hockey douche baggerey and the king of misogynistic, idiotic, classless, frat boy mentality. Look up douche bag in the dictionary I guarantee Sean Avery is the definition. Not even the presence of a Staal brother could change the way I look at the Rangers; Avery taints every team he touches, and thus the rangers are blacklisted, until king douche gets traded or suffers a career ending injury.

Sorry Marc, I'm taking a moral stance on this one! PS quit hitting on Crosby, that bitch is mine!

Rangers? uh NO!

So as per usual Avery starts shit, during warm up. Tucker gets all loco and unleashed his crazy eyes on king douche! This of course gets carried on into the game, etc. etc. If you've ever watch Avery play you know how it goes down

Yea Tucker! Fuck him up!

Unfortunately the Rangers ended up winning in shoot outs, which really broke my heart because I really wanted Avery to get merkked one way or another AND for once I agreed with Don Cherry, why didn't they suit up Belak when they knew Avery was playing? I know you shouldn't play into that sort of strategy because I'm sure no one acquires a player like Avery because he's super talented (even though he is sort of good, ew I can't believe I just said that) but you know Belak would have murdered Avery, and that punk ass bitch would be off his game all night because of it.


Sorry my hatred for king douche runs deep, for obvious reasons, but the main one being I'm like 100% convinced the shit he says to players has got to be really bad because if you're playing someone like Avery you know he's there to talk trash; and knowing that you'd try to rise above it, play, and not let him get into your head, so I doubt someone's going to loose their shit over "hey Tucker, my mom plays better than you!", you know what I mean?