Sonny Bill Williams is Rugby's Sean Avery...sort of.

He's not exactly a shit talker but controversy swirls 'round this boy like whoa, just like his NHL counterpart.

Avery vs. Williams

Let's compare and contrast shall we?

1. Point of Origin
-Williams is from New Zealand; What New Zealand is to Australia is how Canada is to the United States
Avery is Canadian; What Canada is to the United States is how New Zealand is to Australia

2. Occupation
-Williams is a professional rugger
-Avery is a professional hockey player

3. Desirability
-Williams is hot
-Avery is not

4. Gentlemen

oh honey, once a cheater always a cheater...unless there's an 'arrangement', well then get it, girlfriend!

-Williams cheated on his girlfriend (in a nightclub washroom no less) it was caught all on camera phone, plastered all over the papers in Australia.

How Avery scored her we'll never know

-Avery called famously called his ex[Elisha Cuthbert] sloppy seconds

5. WTF
-Williams has a golden horse shoe stuck up his ass because his girlfriend forgave him
-Avery has a golden horse show stuck up his ass because he inexplicably lands some of the hottest women in hollywood/fashion

6. WAH WAH WAH
-Williams has blamed alcohol for many of his problems, is seeking help
-Avery has anger and other psychological issues which is the reason he's such an asshat, is seeking help

7. Team Controversy
-Williams apparently up and left his team in Australia without telling anyone, his manager had to give his old team the news that he was going to France. He's homesick now, the Bulldogs don't want him back.
-Avery was a cancer in the Dallas dressing room. No one but Bret Hull liked him. After his controversial comments he was pushed into the AHL. Dallas, wouldn't touch him with a 30ft pole. The New York Rangers have now picked him up (his old team)

8. Definitions
-Williams is a douche bag
-Avery is a douche bag

Kinda scary how their lives parallel each other. Personal turmoil, controversy with their teams, disliked by the fans, their personal lives all over the newspapers. These two should start a support group, you know be each other's sponsor. Avery will teach Williams how to dress and Williams will make sure that Avery's never denied entrance into a night club ever again. They could be brothers in arms, or some kind of bullshit. These two deserve each other!

SHOCKING NEWS

Sean Avery will not be returning to the Dallas Stars...and he probably won't be back to the NHL anytime soon, if ever.

I'm 100% sure he never intended this to happen. I'm 100% sure that Avery underestimated the size of the NHL's balls. I'm 100% sure that he thought that he would NEVER get kicked out of the league.

Well, well, Sean, how wrong you were.

I mean, its clear that they've been building this case for a while now, waiting for the perfect opportunity to kick his sorry ass out of the NHL. I honestly believe that he thought they didn't have the balls to do it and that they needed him to get some much needed attention to the league but Sean the NHL isn't a Jennifer Aniston movie, people don't watch sports for the scandals or the gossip. They watch it for the excitement of the game and for the skilled players. Sports are the last family friendly entertainment available, making disparaging comments isn't going to make the sport any more popular, this isn't Hollywood and you aren't Lindsay Lohan; a problem child in the NHL is an unwanted child proven by yourself, Brian McGrattan, and Steve Downie.

Who's going to touch you now?

Sean Avery, Karma's New Bitch

It seems that Avery's 'sloppy seconds' comment was the straw (in a long line of straws) that broke the camel's back, has been suspended for 6 games, and Dallas and the league alike have washed their hands of him.

I wish he could have been busted for a more serious offense than this but I'll take it, I suppose. Even though he's been suspended by the league for 6 games, it seems that his days in Dallas are numbered.

Quotes from his teammates c/o TSN.ca:

-"We hope it's the last time we ever see him"

-"Our locker room is the happiest it has been all year right now"

-"An apology (to the team) won't work," says a third player. "There isn't much he can say to change the way we feel right now. We have a lot of pride in this organization. He isn't welcome here anymore."

-"He's been undermining everything we do," says the veteran. "He doesn't pay attention; he's not smart enough to play our system. He can't do some drills properly. He says it's because he's 'independent.' Really, he's just not smart enough."

The only one that went on record was nice guy Brad Richards, but he was more diplomatic about it:

"We don't want to talk about him anymore. Hopefully, it will be handled and that will be the end of it."

OUCH! Looks like the boys in Dallas would love to see him go and he probably will! I mean if you're on a team, your team is supposed back you up/defend you/support you no matter what and when your own teammates won't even glance at you let alone touch you with a 30ft pole, clearly there's something going on.

I think its safe to say he's done in Dallas, his teammates don't respect him (or like him), his coach won't support him, and apparently the league won't touch him. Word is, that Dallas wants to get rid of him but no one wants him, no one wants to go there, no one wants the cancer that is Sean Avery.

Ironic isn't it? The very same antics and bullshit that got him notoriety, fame, and a Vogue internship, is now sending him down shit creek. Funny how things come full circle, eh?

ALTHOUGH,

this may have been the catalyst for getting Avery out of the league, but he's still getting his paycheque and he's still getting all the media attention he craves, so maybe this is what he wants, to become a professional celebrity, saying stupid shit, pulling media stunts, maybe him and Paris Hilton are meant to be.

...Finally my dislike for Bret Hull is justified. He brought him to Dallas, despite a number of Stars being against it, he brought him anyway. Yep that's right, Brett Hull is responsible for the guy that has plagued a team that was on the verge of going to the Stanley Cup finals, now where are they? DEAD LAST in the Western Conference, and 28th overall just ahead of Tampa and Atlanta. Wow one player really can make a difference!

PS what's with all this talk that Sean Avery has mental issues? NO, he doesn't have any psychological issues, he's a prick! A straight up asshole, since when is that a mental illness?

Srsly?

Sean Avery runs his mouth...like all the fucking time! Sometimes its blaring obvious that the things he says, is just to get people all riled up. I don't like Avery (as you may or may not know). I understand his role but I don't agree with the lengths he goes to just to stir some shit up. But getting suspended indefinitely (pending a hearing) over his 'sloppy seconds' comment is a bit much. Its overkill. Its ridiculous. Its so ridiculous its ridonkulous!

He's said worse things in the past. Even though officially, his most heinous comments are ONLY allegations, and can't be confirmed, I'm throughly convinced he did say those things about George Laraque and he did say something about Jason Blake's Cancer. But that's just my own speculation.

More Speculation? The league, for some unknown reason, couldn't nail him for everything else he's pulled, but decided they should and would nail him for calling Elisha Cuthbert 'sloppy seconds'.

I just watched TSN and apparently, it crossed the line because it was distatesful, sexist, misogynistic, and premeditated. To be honest, as a girl, I don't find the term 'sloppy seconds' particularly sexist or misogynistic, to me 'sloppy seconds' is a term used when you want to make yourself feel better when an ex is dating someone else, it applies to males and females alike.

To analogize here: This is like giving a guy a speeding ticket because you couldn't nail him for murder.

Was the comment distasteful? Yes! Should he be reprimanded in some way? Yes! But should he be suspended indefinitely pending a hearing? Absolutely not!

Why now? Why this comment? When it pales in comparison for all of the other shit he spews. Does Dion have that kind of pull within the league? What? Because I really don't understand the logic on this one. My brain is totally hurting right now. I.just.can't.understand.

After all the shit storms Avery has caused, the NHL busts him for being a jealous prick?

Bitch, please!

Date, Marry, Kill: The NY Rangers Edition

Today we're taking a bite out of the big apple and dreaming of the boys in the blue shirts, yes that's right, its DMK and NY Rangers its your turn!

I'd date Brandon Dubinsky:


Baby faced Dubie, tell me could you say no? Dubes is from Alaska, which is kind of like what the rest of America thinks Canada is like, so you know that means that he knows how to avoid hypothermia. Brandon's 21...yes that's right 21 but he looks like he's 15 which could be good because when you're having your quatre life crisis, unable to get over the fact that you aren't 17 anymore, you're 20, you could turn to your baby faced bf in a NY cab, and pretend like you're a couple of crazy kids going to get drunk on moonshine in cenral park OR it could be bad because the tween hockey fans will no doubt give you a migrane when they see Brandon "OMGZ he's lyke 2 cute" Dubinsky whilst on your date at serendipity, ugh shoot me now!

I'd marry Colton Orr:


I always thought he was a douche...I mean he is a douche, a HUGE douche, an agitator, an unmemorable hockey player with a memorable name but what makes homeboy so desirable is that he's a sexy beast...yes I'm shallow! AND he's even hotter WITH facial hair (take note Sidney) Well at least I know he can kick some ass, and what's more attractive than an alpha male right? who am I kidding we'd be divorced within a year but the sex would, no doubt, be off the hook...and we'd totally have nostalgia sex for the rest of our lives in shady holiday inns


I'd kill Sean Avery:

I'm like 100% sure I'd get a Nobel Peace Prize for offing this punk ass bitch!

NEWSFLASH: Sean Avery's Still a Douchebag!!!!!

Last night, my delinquent little brother, the Toronto Maple Leafs, got merkked by the New York Rangers, as in those little brats were shown no mercy, and had their asses handed to them on a platter.

The score? 6-1!!!

OUCH indeed!

This loss is made all the more worse by the fact that King Douche himself was playing. I loathe Sean Avery to no end. Why? Well, no hockey league needs his brand of hockey. He's a little bitch with a small penis...ok the last part is speculation but hey it wouldn't be a stretch would it? Avery insists that his on ice persona is nothing like how he is in real life (O RLY) but then he contradicts those sentiments and goes on to say bone headed things like:

"No. I never enjoy going to Toronto, really. So all that'll do is motivate me to play better, probably...Why? Let's see... Because I don't enjoy hockey-obsessed Canadians. The exchange is not very good right now. And it's going to cost me a lot of money in tickets for people I don't even like. How's that for an answer? Would you like me to go on? Nah, I think that's probably enough."

A)Um hey Avery aren't you like, um, Canadian?
B)Errr don't your parents come to see you play whenever you're in town um as in you buy their tickets
C)Aren't you a millionaire living in Manhattan, probably one of the most expensive real estate markets this side of the Atlantic, and you're telling me you can't afford tickets to the ACC...BITCH PLEASE!!!!

I get it, he says those things just to get a rise out of people, to make the opposing team, and the opposing team's fans to go bat shit crazy but I think at this point Avery's bought into himself, its not just something La Douche does as part of a strategy, its a part of who he is now...which is REALLY pathetic!

Why?

Well do you remember that kid, in school, who thought they were the shit, they wore the right clothes, listened to all the right music, read the right books, said all the right things but there was just something off about him, everything about him seemed feigned, like he read the dictionary definition of cool and tried to apply it to his life, essentially could talk the talk but couldn't walk the walk. well in the NHL that kid is Sean Avery, and like that kid in school, everybody and I mean everybody is laughing behind his back!

I mean, dude wears black nail polish on his "fighting hand", listens to Sigur Ros before games, sits in the front row at New York fashion week, has the famous Chanel logo over his bed, and his most coveted item is Yves St. Laurent boots...are you dying or are you dying????

In short Sean Avery is a poseur!

He wants to be American? Fine, you Yanks can keep him! First he wanted to be an LA douche bag, graphic-t wearing, 'cool' kid(see Jenner, Brody) with a C-list celebrity girlfriend. Now he's a hip, GQ reading, Dolce and Gabana wearing, Olsen twin dating, douche bag, who thinks that going to fashion week and going to bungalow 8 will make him cool.

This guy is trying waaaaaay to hard! There's something very disingenuous about him, like he's over compensating for something *cough* micro penis *cough*, maybe he doesn't have any friends; maybe he was never hugged as a child; maybe he knows that he's a C-grade hockey player (if even) and that's all he'll ever be; or maybe the team he grew up watching and loving and idolizing, denied his ass, and maybe the people that was once his own, hates even the mention of his name...my, my aren't we bitter?

Whatever Avery, in about 2 years nobody's going to care about your ass, so enjoy the short-lived [bad] media attention you're getting!



Oh karma where for art thou? Somebody needs a good beat down and his name rhymes with Pawn Waverly possibly by a guy whose name rhymes with Mayan Ficfatattan

D-NIED!!!

It's no secret that I loathe Sean Avery, I've talked about this on several occasions most notably when he allegedly made comments about Jason Blake's cancer. No one knows for sure what he said, all we do know is that it was bad, real bad...but of course it was bad this is King Douche we're talking about, ugh I wonder how many date rapes he has under his belt...

I can't even like Elisha Cuthbert now, because, not only does she put up with that disease infested waste of space heiress skank but she boinked Avery for over two years! She must have gotten a lobotomy after her stint on Popular Mechanics For Kids or something, that's the only logicial explanation I can come up with. ANYWAYS my good, and ever reliable friend, karma, decided to step in and knock King Douche off his johnny-on-the-spot throne (if only for a night) NY DAILY NEWS:

"The New York Rangers celebrated their 5-2 victory over the Ottawa Senators Saturday night at Bungalow 8, where injured forward Sean Avery showed up with a sling on one hand and black nail polish on the other. The Blueshirts had originally hit up Buddha Bar but were denied entrance. "F- this place! We're never coming here again!" screamed the Rangers' flack when the bouncer said he didn't know or care who the hometown heroes were. Guess he's an Isles fan!"

...

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

...

OMG! if my boyfriend, Marc [Staal] was with them and he was denied...oh, me and that bouncer WILL have words!

ANYWAYS, back to my main point, King Douche got D-NIED!!!!!!!!!! Who are these people that work at Buddha Bar???? I have to send them some kind of award, or cupcakes at the very least because, HAAAAAAAAAAA!!! You're just some douche from pickering Avery, NEVER forget that because apparently the bouncers in New York haven't!



PS how is he one of peoples 50 hottest guys? who's in charge of that shit? Avery's mom? (who by the way is a very nice lady, how she raised such a douche is beyond me, Mrs. Avery, I'll send you flowers on mother's day!!!!)


PPS Marc I'm kind of in love with you! (don't tell Sidney...or Jordo!)


PPPS VESA TOSKALA IS NHLPA'S PLAYER OF THE DAY, visit the site and drool over his deer in the headlights photo and dream up all the shopping sprees you can with his compensation. I've never been to Finland, Vesa just, must take me this summer! Oh how I love being Poylandric!

Is that it?

Sean Avery is the scum of the earth! I know it! You know it! Fuck even the toothless goat herder in Mongolia knows it!

Hey you punk ass bitch, get away from Toskala!

Remember November 10th? ACC? Rangers vs. The Leafs? Everyone's mom (including Avery's) in the crowd? Remember how Avery tried to start shit with Jason Blake but Tucker stepped in to defend his team mate? Well word on the street is, Sean Avery, the epitome of class and sportsmanship, mentioned something about Jason Blake's cancer...

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????

There are just somethings you don't mess with: people's kids, death, illness, AND A GUY WHO'S BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH CANCER AND STILL HAS THE STRENGTH AND WILL TO CARRY ON IN A PROFESSIONAL LEAGUE! Of course La Douche denied saying anything about Blake's condition, but like I said in this post you don't loose your shit over "you suck balls, Tucker!!!!"

Well the NHL investigated because there are trash talkers and then there's Sean Avery, who allegedly made racist remarks toward African-Canadian and French-Canadian players in the past, so maybe they figured the last thing the NHL needs is bad press (because, man, are they ever pushing hockey haaaaaaard South of the boarder).

Avery was fined $2500 (pennies even for the most mediocre of pro hockey players), the rangers were fined $25 000 (again pennies to a major sports club but like any business, I'm sure they weren't happy about it). Tucker was fined $1000 (AKA his kids' weekly allowance), and the Leafs were fined $10 000 (the amount they spend on toilet paper).

A fine? A fine for the guy who starts shit all the time? And not the first time its been controversial, offensive, and disrespectful?

bitch please!!!

I'm not fully convinced on this whole God business but I do believe in the laws of the universe and the basic law of physics: For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, so when Darcy Tucker said: "He is what he is. He'll have a comeback for everything" Am I ever a believer!!!!

Sean Avery??? MERKKED in the not so distant future!







PS You know its bad when Darcy Tucker comes out looking like the good guy!

His Royal Highness King Douche Bag

My boys the sens beat mes amis the Canadiens, 3-1, both teams close to my heart so for me it was a win/win situation. For a while there it looked like mes amis were going to win this one but my boys brought it late in the 3rd period and captured the win. Even though the score was 3-1 it was acutally a pretty close game, very face paced, and very entertaining! Despite the fact that both teams hold a special place in my cold black heart, I was kind of leaning towards mes amis but like I said I'm happy either way.

Sooo...

Last night the bitches in blue played the New York Rangers, and I was sorta, kinda hoping that the bitches would kick some Ranger ass...there I said it!

YES I wanted the bitches to win! why?

Well first of all I don't hate the leafs, I love them like you'd love a delinquent little brother: they're annoying; you always fight; they steal your money and never return it; they're always breaking promises; they're failing; they make your dad drink more beer; they make your mother cry but at the end of the day you still love them and would still let them live in your basement when they're single, 35, and jobless.

I do love the leafs and on occasion will hope that they capture a win or two (depending on the team they're playing) and last night was one of those occasions, why? Two words: Sean. Avery.

Sean, Sean, Sean, Sean! The poster child for hockey douche baggerey and the king of misogynistic, idiotic, classless, frat boy mentality. Look up douche bag in the dictionary I guarantee Sean Avery is the definition. Not even the presence of a Staal brother could change the way I look at the Rangers; Avery taints every team he touches, and thus the rangers are blacklisted, until king douche gets traded or suffers a career ending injury.

Sorry Marc, I'm taking a moral stance on this one! PS quit hitting on Crosby, that bitch is mine!

Rangers? uh NO!

So as per usual Avery starts shit, during warm up. Tucker gets all loco and unleashed his crazy eyes on king douche! This of course gets carried on into the game, etc. etc. If you've ever watch Avery play you know how it goes down

Yea Tucker! Fuck him up!

Unfortunately the Rangers ended up winning in shoot outs, which really broke my heart because I really wanted Avery to get merkked one way or another AND for once I agreed with Don Cherry, why didn't they suit up Belak when they knew Avery was playing? I know you shouldn't play into that sort of strategy because I'm sure no one acquires a player like Avery because he's super talented (even though he is sort of good, ew I can't believe I just said that) but you know Belak would have murdered Avery, and that punk ass bitch would be off his game all night because of it.


Sorry my hatred for king douche runs deep, for obvious reasons, but the main one being I'm like 100% convinced the shit he says to players has got to be really bad because if you're playing someone like Avery you know he's there to talk trash; and knowing that you'd try to rise above it, play, and not let him get into your head, so I doubt someone's going to loose their shit over "hey Tucker, my mom plays better than you!", you know what I mean?