For all the wrong reasons

On Wednesday I woke up to the news that the Leafs have acquired a new delinquent little brother for me, in the form of Aaron Varos. I'm stoked because Varos is currently dating supermodel Jessica Stam, which means she'll probably be out and about town. This is why I'm excited for this trade, nothing more.

Varos will not add anything to the Leafs, he'll just be anchored by our never ending fail, he'll underachieve, he'll disappoint, out of no fault of his own. Harold Ballard's grip is iron clad even from beyond the grave.

Rick Nash, we need you more than ever!*



*I think in every Leafs related post I'm going to mention Rick Nash, maybe if I say it enough times it will come true.

Phil Kessel has got Something to say

On Sunday my delinquent little brother, Phil Kessel deviated from the script and revealed that maybe all is not well in the Leafs household:

On how he and Dad (Ron Wilson) are dealing with his 10 game scoreless slump:

"me and the (coach) don’t really talk and that’s all I got to say about that..."

Pretty sure the entire city just let out a collective "WHAT?!?!?!?", because if our [for all intents and purposes] star player and head coach don't speak to one another, what the heck is going on?

Kessel on Dad's line changes:
“We’ve got to change something. I’m not sure if that’s it, but maybe . . . I don’t know”

c/o The Star

Uh oh! Did he just infer what I think he's inferring? Because there's been talk that we need a new Dad. We've completely changed the team from goalies to forwards, the only vestige left from the last mediocre class of Leafs is, Kaberle, who could go at any minute, so the next logical step would be to get a new coach right? We have all this new blood and yet we're not doing any better than before and we're set to miss the playoffs, AGAIN! At this point the Leafs are beyond embarrassing. I don't even know what's going on, are we in a downward spiral? are we in freefall? have we hit rock bottom? is there a dark curse we just can't shake? Can't say for sure but what I can say is that Rick Nash is the key to our salvation.

...you know I had to!

Mike Komisarek has Witnesses!

And the plot thickens.

Remember how Komisarek is being accused of alledgely punching a woman in the face? Remember how MLSE, the LAPD and Komisarek himself haven't said much about the charges, well TMZ has a new development, apparently witnesses say that he never punched her, that she actually smacked her nose on his head causing her to bleed.

But I ask you this, are these witnesses his teammates???

I'm still getting bad vibes from this whole situation. I may be unfairly tarring Komisarek with the same brush, as I've had a lifetime of experience concerning hockey players...that sounds wrong. What I mean is my brother played select, I've had friends play triple A hockey, so I know the culture of hockey players: a girl in every city; it wouldn't really surprise me if it were true, and there are reasons why I'm inclined to believe that it is.

#kanyeshurg

Mike Komisarek is a Douche

Well My delinquent little brother made it onto TMZ.com for all the wrong reasons.

Apparently Mike Komisarek punched some girl in the face, after she slapped him, after he picked her up and refused to put her down. The Leafs have instructed him to say nothing, the league has made no comment, and there has been not further news on this story besides the initial report. I, however am inclined to side with the girl. Entitlement is rife within professional sports, stories like this are becoming all to common, it seems as soon as their salary goes up, so does their douchiness.

Also, I'm assuming many of you have been in a club, where somehow sexual harassment is normalized, where guys can just grab whatever they want, jab their boners wherever they want, and its all okay but if you were to object to some guy reaching up your skirt, you're at bitch or a c*nt, and this is the mentality of regular normal everyday guys!!! Imagine adding fame, fortune, and entitlement!

Mike Komisarek is 6'4, 200 some pounds, he's a defenceman which means its his job to be physical and rough up other players, imagine being picked up by that against your will (alcohol mostly likely was consumed) and him refusing to let you go, how helpless would you feel? What would you do? Would you not try to defend yourself in some way?

I suppose there's that whole innocent until proven guilty bit but if we're thinking critically...come on now, we all know what the truth is.

The Harold Ballard Curse tightens its grip once again.

Coles Notes on the NHL

Its been AGES since a legitimate hockey post. There was once a time when I would post every single day, and almost always it was about hockey.

What happened?

Not too sure to be honest, I haven't watched a game in a really long time. I'm still a hockey fan its just I have school till late at nigh,t and when I'm not at school I'm at work till late at night, and when I'm not at work I want to hang out with my friends. Hockey just fell to the way side for some reason and rugby has taken over. However, to be fair it has never been to the level at which I used to post about Hockey.

This drought ends tonight because enough has happened in the NHL for me to reactivate the Hockey tag, that's right its a motherflippin hockey post!



Pappa Wilson and Uncle Brian went to the orphanage for the criminally deranged and brought me back some new little brothers

Toronto got rid of Jason Blake, Finnish Cuteness Vesa Toskala, Ian White, Matt Stajan, Niklas Hagman, Jamal Meyers. In return they got Jean-Sebastien Giguere, Dion Phaneuf,Keith Aulie, and Fredrik Sjostrom.

...still not making the playoffs, though.

PS NGL, its so weird seeing Dion Phaneuf in the blue and white

The Columbus Blue Jackets Fire Ken Hitchcock

This is the world of sports-business, you rework a team pull them out of perennially losses, help the team achieve its first playoff berth, and when things start getting dark you axe them. Ohioians didn't even know what hockey was until Hitch totally revamped that team...I guess we should have known this season wasn't going to be a good one when Danny Gare disappeared off of the face of the earth, he knew what was up!

Ilya Kovalchuk is leaving Atlanta

its pretty much a done deal. Took him long enough, huh? I mean he's been there for a million years, it seems and no offense to Atlanta but Kovalchuck is better than that!

Billionaire Boys Club

That's what the NHL is. An exclusive club filled with WASPy, sneaky, shrewd, uber-rich businessmen, and they won't let you in without the secret password...that and VERY deep pockets. They are loyal, play things closet to the vest and take care of their own, something Jim Balsillie learned quite recently, and something Dany Heatley is learning today, through our very own Uncle Brian, no less.

Uncle Brian let it be known that Dany Heatley would not become one of my delinquent little brother, the Toronto Maple Leafs, because he ain't down with how Heater handled his trade request:

TSN

"We're not going to be in on that. He's a good player but I have certain guidelines on how players ask for trades...For a player to pop off and say he wants out or leak it (to the media), in my mind you are now no longer interested in your team. If you've done that you've handicapped them, you've handcuffed your GM...As long as you are on that team, you owe them to maximize the asset, and once you've taken that step, sorry I don't accept that."

Really Uncle Brian? Really? Did you just say that you don't accept that? Because as I recall, that's exactly what Chris Pronger did in Edmonton.

Actions speak louder than words Uncle Brian, and if you do not accept such behavior because it goes against your ideology, as you suggest in your statements, then wouldn't said behavior prevent you from working with such a player? And yet was it not you who orchestrated the acquisition of Pronger from Edmonton, who made it quite public that he was not happy in Edmonton and wanted a trade?

Hm.

Get off your high horse, dude! Maybe Heater's strategy wasn't ideal but he wants out of Ottawa and he doesn't want to be jerked around by the suits of the Sens organization, who are grabbing at straws just to keep their team afloat, so yeah he forced their hand, was it questionable? Maybe, but don't act all high and mighty, pretending like your shit don't stink, because it does Uncle Brian, it does!

You're probably just upset because he has NO interest in coming to Toronto. One of the best snipers in the NHL and you don't want him because he hurt Brian Murray and Corey Clouston's feelings, bitch please! You ain't foolin' no one!

I think you and Daddy Wilson need a few more rounds of golf.

Rick Nash Spent The Night

Last night my delinquent little brother, the leafs played, my husband and the blue jackets. And shockingly enough, my little snot nosed brother actually held his own, all the way to shoot-outs! But they should have known better, you can't beat Rick Nash in shoot-outs, PLEASE!

I really wanted the Blue Jackets to win, so they could be in a playoff spot. See in the western conference, you can win 5 games be in 6th place and then loose 1 and then all of a sudden you're in 11th place, its THAT tight of a race over there! So the blue jackets need to fight every night to make it to the playoffs, so Rick Nash can come home to me, in Toronto and possibly bring Lord Stanley with him

...that might be wishful thinking but like I've always said Rick Nash only ever wanted to bring the jackets to the playoffs, he never said he wanted to win them a cup. And as of today, they're in the playoffs...and he's a free-agent this season. Come home Rick, come home!

Anyways...

The officials seemed to be out to lunch yesterday. In the first period the blue jackets *cough*Raffi Torres*cough* made some questionable hits and there was no penalty called. And when Jared Boll knocked over Pogge, Schenn had enough of this foolishness:



With his iron grip it seems like Schenn tired to be like 'listen, bitch I am sick of yo shit! stop it or youse getting a beat down', Boll did not head his warning and went for a punch, and Schenn just wrestled him down and was like 'look man, I don't think you understand, I WILL fuck you up!'. Despite my primodial attraction to Boll, I was very proud of our Luke. Standing up for his goalie, his team, even Uncle Brian was proud!

LOL then after the commentators were like 'euuuu Luke, don't fight with that guy! You're better than that. Don't waste your time on him' They're so disgusted with Boll, LMAO

Things got so heated last night that even Little Shake, Kris Russell, tried to get into some action with Dominic Moore. Tnawwww, Little Shake, leave the fights to the big boys, ok baby?

Welcome to Toronto Brian Burke!

Its unofficially, official, Brian Burke is coming to Toronto y'all!

I'm not sure how I feel about this. The kind of hockey I enjoy is skilled hockey. A few fights here and there are fine with me but I'm not all about a team built up of enforcers who go after guys' heads and give dirty hits and that's what a Brian Burke team looks like.

Todd Bertuzzi anyone?

As of late, Fletch has been doing a decent job at managing the leafs. He's got rid of the dead weight that has weighed this franchise down for the past 8-10 years and has built a foundation of young hard working players and most importantly has kept the best player on the team and the hardest working player in the league, Vesa Toskala!

I just have this inkling that Burke is going to undo all of that and get rid of Toskala because we could probably get a lot for him...

But I swear if we get Chris Pronger, I'm moving to Montreal. I can stand not being in the playoffs for the past 3 seasons, hell I can even stand the 40 year Cup drought BUT I will not tolerate Chris 'I have the exact same haircut since 1990 oh and I'm a HUGE douche bag' Pronger!

Welcome to the family Uncle Brian! Hope you've got my delinquent little brother's probation officer on speed dial. He might just set your car on fire.

Brian Burke steps down as GM, starts looking at Toronto Real Estate

Brian Burke has stepped down as GM of the Anaheim Ducks...

we all know what his next move will be!

He's had his eye on Toronto since last season, maybe even longer, we know he wants it!

I mean who wouldn't want to come to Toronto? You get the biggest pay cheque in the league and there's absolutely no pressure from the execs for the team to preform or produce any kind of success.

That sounds like a dream job to me!

I think it will be interesting to see the relationship between Ron Wilson and Brian Burke. Are the friends, how the hell should I know? But they do seem to have similar personalities, so either they'll be teeing off every morning at 8am or they'll being taking thinly veiled jabs at each other through the Toronto media

ooo please be the latter, I love shit talking and drama, its so fun to watch! Why else would I watch gossip girl?

If all the speculation turns out to be true (which it probably will) welcome to the family Brian Burke! Which dysfunctional role will you fill? Ron Wilson's already nabbed the 'cold, never at home, emotionally abusive, always-suit-wearing dad' and I'm 'the slutty teenaged daughter, looking for love in all the wrong places, who does coke in dirty washrooms' what will you be?

don't worry there's plenty of time for that later.

Welcome to Toronto, Dad!

My delinquent little brother, the Toronto Maple Leafs, blew a 2 goal lead the other night, of course the media wanted answers!

Why? How could this happen? How could this happen to the Toronto Maple Leafs who are going to make the playoffs, who are going to win the cup? they're going all the way, don't you know?

So my new Dad, Ron Wilson, gave a little reality check for the media, and I quote:

"we're not going to win the Stanley cup this season, how's that for news?"

Don't worry Dad this won't be the last of the 'asinine' questions hurled at you, just you wait till the season starts.

But I must say, compared to last year, with all that dead weight, those old relics, those broken promises, my little bro isn't doing too badly so far. They're actually playing decent hockey...like all of them, not just Vesa Toskala.

I was right (as per usual it seems) all Toronto needed was some fresh blood to reboot things. Like my real brother said, Toronto's top line players, on any other team in the NHL would be 3rd liners at best, you know its bad when...

So now we've got a crop of new talent to look forward to. Moore looks promising, as does Schenn, and Earl's been carrying on what he did at the end of last season and that's playing good hockey.

I know its only preseason, and some of these dudes won't see much action in the NHL BUT at least they're not chilling in Sweden taking up cap space OR scoring on their own net! See guys things are looking up already!

However, we're still not winning the cup this season. The truth, it hurts!

Coles Notes on the NHL

My Delinquinent Little Brother, the Toronto Maple Leafs are getting rearranged:

Fletch, T.O.'s non GM but acting like a GM is currently cleaning house...like for real! They bought out Tucker, placed Raycroft, and Wellwood on waivers (Wellwood was just picked up by the Canucks...why Vancouver? why?) and apparently, that useless defencemen, McCabe is next on the hit list. WOW all the players I thought the Leafs would NEVER get rid of are all on their way out in a matter of days. I might have to start actually liking the Leafs...like ligitmately and not out of obligation...hell hath frozen over indeed (Oh and Sundin's totally gone!)

Vincent Levcavalier signs his life away:

Vinny signs a life sentence with the Tampa Bay Lightning and will get $77 million over nine years. I just have this feeling that this is exactly the kind of deal Levcavalier should NOT have made...I guess you can never really tell how a team will fare, I mean look at Philly, last season they were last in the league and this season they made it all the way to the 2nd round of the playoffs. If he stays (which he is) then I hope he wins Tampa another cup.


Hossa's being a little bitch:

Apparently Marian Hossa does not want to stay in Pittsburgh because they aren't offering him enough money, which is all fine and well and everything BUT a) he said he was willing to take less money to stay with a good team...apparently not and b) according to TSN, The pens were offering Hossa a Jerome Iginla type deal...all I have to say is Jerome Iginla is a leader, an amazing player, a good guy, a guy with integrity; he scores, he checks, he drops the gloves; Jerome Iginla is one of the best players in the league; Marian Hossa is no Jerome Iginla! But do you know what the worst part is? Some stupid GM on some other team will pay Marain Hossa an exuberant amount of money, just so he can disappear in the playoffs, and move to another team when February rolls around...yea Hossa is tooooooootally worth more than Jerome Iginla, bitch please!

Gart Robert wishes to spread fear to another hockey franchise:

Gary Robers will not be back with the pens next year. After making it all the way to the Stanley Cup finals Roberts will not be back...he says its because, Ray Shero needs cap space to sign other players but I think it has something to do with his relationship with the pens coaching staff...but hey that's just me

Ron Wilson To Be My New Dad

So apparently its, pretty much confirmed that Ron Wilson will be the new coach of my delinquent little brother, the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Hopefully my new Dad will teach that little brat a thing or two, like getting rid of Toronto's faded stars i.e. Mats Sundin, Darcy Tucker, Brian McCabe; and mold the players that would be off the hook anywhere else but since this is Toronto they suck ass i.e. Tomas Kaberle, Nik Antropov, Pavel Kubina.

OMG! Ron Wilson will be reunited with Finnish CUTENESS Vesa Toskala...this could be good thing for us after all...or not...let's not get ahead of ourselves this is after all the Toronto Maple Leafs.


PS welcome to the twisted playhouse Tom Stapleton, let's just see how long you last!

Whoa...Wait...What?

Last night, my delinquent little brother, the Toronto Maple Leafs were in Boston murdering the Bruins...8-1, 8-1!?!?!?!?!??!?!??????

wtf?

First of all, there is like zero chance of getting Steve Stamkos now. THANKS GUYS! Now next year's Leafs team will be exactly like this year's Leafs team: SHITTY! Do we in Toronto, not deserve a hockey team that's actually semi-good? I mean by all accounts we should be amazing based on the fact that Leafs Inc. is one of the richest in the league and that you need a six figure net-income just to get tickets, so srsly guys what's the deal?

Secondly, I love how they actually believe that they're making the playoffs...oh you guys! So cute! So naive! You're not making the playoffs! I mean, Columbus is making the playoffs, Washington is making the play offs, Minnesota is making the playoffs; but you, the Toronto Maple Leafs, an original six team, a hockey dynasty, you are not making the playoffs

...fuck I really should move to Montreal...or Ottawa at least

Are you fucking kidding me???

Here's the trailer for Mike Meyer's latest movie The Love Guru:



UMMMMMMMMMMMM


wow SO many things wrong with this movie, where to begin.

1) The Toronto Maple Leafs, my delinquent little brother and the Stanley Cup? I mean there are delusions and then there's down right lunacy, this definitely falls under the latter category.

2) You can't make fun of Les Canadiens....only English Canada gets to do that (and vice versa)

3)Mike Meyers stopped being funny right around 2001...its 2008, need I say more?

4) If Jessica Alba makes out with Mike Meyers, ugh I'm blowing chunks...you know I still get nightmares from him kissing Beyonce in Goldmember, EEESH!

5)The whole mini-me joke is old...real old! Like it stopped being funny 5 minutes into Austin Powers 2

6)How desperate is Mike Meyers, I mean, this is movie is the same girl different dress...actually, NOT EVEN, same girl, same dress but with lip gloss not lip stick!

7)OMG are those Justin Timberlake's pubes *drools* maybe I will see this movie - I MEAN EW GROSS, that's so gross...AHEM


8)Meghan Goode is faaaar too hot to be hockey wife...yea I went there! you know hockey players get shafted in everything, in comparison to other pro sports, so the quality of their wives is no different! I mean Tom Brady is dating Gisele Bundchen; Derek Jeter's boinked everyone from Jessica Biel to Jessica Alba; Tony Parker gets Eva Longoria...and what does the NHL get? Hilary Duff... hmmmm a Victoria Secert model or Disney Tween Queen, tough call!

9) LOVE how the featured NHL teams are L.A. and T.O. AKA two of the worst teams in the league

10)There is so much political incorrectness in this movie that I'm not even going to touch that!

I'll wait 3 years till it comes on CityTv then MAYBE I'll watch it.



PS do you think any players will make a cameo???? My money's on Rick Nash!

The Weekenders

Friday I met my sister downtown after work, we went to The Flatiron and The Firkin, ate nachos, calamari, drank beer and we vented about how men SUCK ('cause she just broke up with her boyfriend) and how people SUCK, and how 2007 was THE worst year of our lives...EVER! I tried to watch the Toronto-Atlanta game, but I was already tired to begin with and my 2 pints of beer just weren't helping, so finally I gave up...I knew my delinquent little brother was going to win, no matter what Mark Recchi had on his agenda!

Afterwards we went to go see the Golden Compass, with the hotness that is Daniel Craig, and I must say it was better than I had expected. The story moved a little fast but not so much that you couldn't follow the plot AND I totally want a daemon! No, not those toothy creatures that Buffy the Vampire Slayer, well, slayed; a daemon is your soul, except it lives outside your body in the form of an animal; its like your BFF, when you get hurt it gets hurt, and when it gets hurt you get hurt...I'd name mine Pan too, such a cute name!

Saturday, my mum and brother ventured out into the beginnings of the snow storm to find a Christmas tree. Naturally we went to IKEA. We got possibly the best tree we've ever had...and yes I picked it out! SO we got home only to find that our tree stand was broken, so we had to venture all the way back, with traffic and snow, to get a new tree stand!

We got home, put the tree up, had dinner, then we decorated the tree, whilst trying to watch the Montreal-Toronto game...and Koivu was off the hook...HATERS!!!! Obviously Mes Amis won, my delinquint little brother is no match for the ever mighty Canadiens!!!!

That was my weekend!

BUT I was troubled to hear, Hottie Townie, Mike Fisher is out with a strained oblique...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Oh Mike, you're a heart and soul player, such a nice guy, with beautiful eyes, what the fuck are the Sens going to do without you?????

BUT Heater scored twice...again!!!! He's so fucking hot, I don't know why he's hot, he just is...shut up, don't hate!

What's On My IPod: Jiri Tlusty

I'm starting a new series! One a little less fan girl creepy! It's called 'What's On My Ipod' where I guessimate what's most likely on the subject's ipod (except I'll give them better musical taste than they actually have) sounds fun, non? Especially since I'm kind of a music nerd!

First up is Jiri Tlusty an up and comer forward on the Toronto Maple Leafs...or as you probably know him: The dude who took naked photos of himself that ended up on the internet

...you know homeboy will never live that down! And how awakard was it to watch Paul Maurice comment on that whole incident, ugh, he's like my dad! Imagine your dad trying to talk to you about birth control...same feeling, yeeesh!

Well let's get on with it shall we?


1)Def Leppard- Pour Some Sugar On Me
I read somewhere that this song was the number one strip tease song...

2)Justin Timberlake- Cry Me A River
I'm like 100% sure Jiri listened to this during the aftermath...and after the tabloid-esque media *cough* The Toronto Sun *cough* printed the whole naked photo story, homeboy ended up scoring and playing his best game yet...cry me a river indeed!

3)Darude- Feel The Beat
He's totally into dance music! I can tell

4)Duran Duran- Ordinary World
Everybody in Europe loves Duran Duran, how else would a mediocre band still be able to tour and make money? And Jiri is no exception, Simon Le Bon is totally his idol!

5)Scooter- The Question Is What Is The Question
PARTY SONG!!!!! and Jiri knows how to party, like fo' real!

6)Right Said Fred- I'm Too Sexy
Its clear that Jiri thinks he's hot, and that he loves himself, why else would he send naked pictures of himself over the internet to a girl he's never met?

7)Robbie Williams- Rock DJ
This is Jiri's drunk song, I just know it!

8)T.A.T.U.- All The Things She Said
What guy doesn't like two Lolita-esqe "Lesbians", he listens to this song because it reminds him of the video

9)Jennifer Lopez- Waiting For Tonight (remix)
This is Jiri's OTHER drunk song

10)Jay Z- 99 Problems
"I got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one" He's a leaf, this song is like their anthem!

Take That...HATERS

So my delinquent little brother, the Toronto Maple Leafs, won against the New York Rangers

...6-2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I know! I know! Have they been eating their wheaties? Did Paul Maurice pull the French National Rugby team move, and say "NO SEX UNTIL YOU BITCHES WIN...well everyone except for Toskala" because really the leafs scored 6 goals, 6 FUCKING GOALS!!! 6 goals means that it wasn't just the goalie that was keeping them afloat, it was a *gasp* team effort!

Who knew?

But I've got a beef with Antropov, why were you all up in Marc's face for? huh? If you weren't the only one on the team who sort of plays you'd be on my blacklist right now but I'll let it slide this time but I'm watching you Mister!


And what of husband no. 5? Jesus vs Moses? The boy who went West? Well my boys the pens won...AGAIN!!! You don't know what joy this brings me! Sidney keeps proving to all the haters out there that he's an amazing captain setting up plays rather than making them, team first, Sidney second! That's how he rolls, BITCHES!!!! AND Jordan, why the fuck haven't you scored yet? WHY??? What's the deal homie?


I watched Hannibal Rising after the game and HOLY is Gaspard Ulliel ever SEXAY!!!! The fact that he looks bat shit crazy -- ugh the things I would do to that man you don't even know!

ANYWAYS, happy weekending!

Spending Saturday Night With My Boys

Saturday night my boys, the Pens are playing my delinquent little brother, the Toronto Maple Leafs, or as I like to think of it in my perverted mind: Sidney Crosby, Jordan Staal and Adam Hall vs. Vesa Toskala, Nik Antropov, and Mark Bell in a naked wrestling match! Lather up boys!

....I'm such a perv, I should have been born a guy!

back to regular programming...

I don't think I need to tell you who I want to win; would you rather spend an evening cutting bubble gum out of your hair or making out with your boyfriend on the couch and possibly letting him get to second base.

...yea, being a skank always wins out!

I love it when husband no. 5 comes to town, all the sports journalists loose their shit! Some talk trash but most praise Sidney;pining over him, wishing he played for Toronto...Whoa guys, Sidney doesn't deserve such a fate!

BUT what will I do when Sidney gets a break away and takes a shot on Vesa??? my heart it aches! Husband no. 5 vs. Finnish CUUUTE-ness, what will happen?

I'm not going to lie Vesa's hot right now...I mean that he's "doing all these crazy moves" to quote Alex Ovechkin, but honey buns starts off strong and then fades out...probably due to the fact that he's the only one on the team who actually plays...Yea I went there! Bring it Sundin, I can take your bald ass anyday!

And what about husband no. 5, with a slow start to the season him and the pens are picking up! Kind of like a hurricane; starts off small, almost non-threatening and before you know it its ripping the roof off of your house! They're a good team, with amazing players! Methinks my delinquent little brother is not going to take this, sorry Vesa :'(

I'm also excited for my favourite Staal brother being in town, I'm still convinced we'd totally be bff! We'd totally beat Ryan Whitney at a burbling contest and drink Colby Cheese under the table!

Me + Jordan Staal = badass homies for life!


...I love how Colby Armstrong's name is pure cheese, as in Colby is a type of cheese and Armstrong is a cheese company. teehee, me and Jordan would never let him forget it either... *sigh*but alas 'twas not meant to be.

Alright boys, its time to beat up my delinquent little brother, rough him up a bit, so he stops leaving stink bombs in my closet, let the alpha male-ing begin!

Coles Notes On The NHL

So my boys the sens lost their last 3 games...

But on a lighter note my boys the pens won their last two games! Sidney, darling, I never lost faith but can you pick up some bread on your way home? Thanks, love ya!

So the leafs got merkked by the Pheonix Gretzkys...But I'm fully convinced if it weren't for Brian McCabe and Illya "its plus seven" Bryzgalov, then the leafs would have taken this one!

WTF is wrong with me? I'm sounding like a real leafs fan, that's it I'm locking the leafs in the basement and turning all the lights off, just try and tell mom you little brats, do it and I'll tell all the kids at school you still pee in bed!

END SCENE



PS McCabe really needs to stop playing for the other team, like srsly!

So Much For That Whole Goalie Problem

Dear Toronto Maple Leafs Vesa Toskala,

Hey honey buns! Sugar plum! Apple of my eye! Last night you were off the hook...like fo' real son! You shut out my boys the sens...THE FREAKING OTTAWA SENATORS!!!! I know!!! I can hardily believe it and judging from your post game interview, neither can you! Fuck Raycroft that's what I say! I mean, I may be biased because I think you're too cute, and you're my #1 favourite goalie (yes you have now usurped Illya "its plus seven" Bryzgalov as my favourite goalie) but that's neither here nor there, the point is, you were a pivotal part in my delinquent little brother beating the Leviathan of the Eastern Conference (you gotta love my metaphors, eh?)!!! You were all over the place, yous was loco esse!!!

I never thought I would ever be this happy for the bitches in blue beating my boys the sens but my god, its because of you darling, its all you!!! Now come home to mommy and we'll have some Finnish sausage*wink* *wink*...ugh I'm such a perv, how do you deal with me?


Love,
Nicole