Coles Notes on the NHL

My Delinquinent Little Brother, the Toronto Maple Leafs are getting rearranged:

Fletch, T.O.'s non GM but acting like a GM is currently cleaning house...like for real! They bought out Tucker, placed Raycroft, and Wellwood on waivers (Wellwood was just picked up by the Canucks...why Vancouver? why?) and apparently, that useless defencemen, McCabe is next on the hit list. WOW all the players I thought the Leafs would NEVER get rid of are all on their way out in a matter of days. I might have to start actually liking the Leafs...like ligitmately and not out of obligation...hell hath frozen over indeed (Oh and Sundin's totally gone!)

Vincent Levcavalier signs his life away:

Vinny signs a life sentence with the Tampa Bay Lightning and will get $77 million over nine years. I just have this feeling that this is exactly the kind of deal Levcavalier should NOT have made...I guess you can never really tell how a team will fare, I mean look at Philly, last season they were last in the league and this season they made it all the way to the 2nd round of the playoffs. If he stays (which he is) then I hope he wins Tampa another cup.


Hossa's being a little bitch:

Apparently Marian Hossa does not want to stay in Pittsburgh because they aren't offering him enough money, which is all fine and well and everything BUT a) he said he was willing to take less money to stay with a good team...apparently not and b) according to TSN, The pens were offering Hossa a Jerome Iginla type deal...all I have to say is Jerome Iginla is a leader, an amazing player, a good guy, a guy with integrity; he scores, he checks, he drops the gloves; Jerome Iginla is one of the best players in the league; Marian Hossa is no Jerome Iginla! But do you know what the worst part is? Some stupid GM on some other team will pay Marain Hossa an exuberant amount of money, just so he can disappear in the playoffs, and move to another team when February rolls around...yea Hossa is tooooooootally worth more than Jerome Iginla, bitch please!

Gart Robert wishes to spread fear to another hockey franchise:

Gary Robers will not be back with the pens next year. After making it all the way to the Stanley Cup finals Roberts will not be back...he says its because, Ray Shero needs cap space to sign other players but I think it has something to do with his relationship with the pens coaching staff...but hey that's just me

Puck Bunny

I don't know if it has anything to do with the hockey culture up here in Canada or what but hockey players are damn fine!!!! I mean there are some hockey players that are hot PERIOD, NO MATTER WHAT (i.e. Vincent Lecavalier, above)!!! And then there are others that make me wonder, that if they were any Joe on the street, would I turn my head? would I quiver? would I fantasize? would I name our brood of 7 (yet to be born) children? would I write Mrs. Nicole Comrie on all my notebooks way back in 2001? WOULD I??? Now its Sidney Crosby; Sid the Kid, the next great one, the boy wonder, the messiah of hockey,etc. etc.

I haven't thought much about Sidney Crosby, I mean I know he's a great hockey player, the highest goal scorer of this past season, maybe he could save hockey...maybe, whatever saving hockey means(???). I never used to think he was OMG SO HOT, like I did/do Lecavalier(sigh). I remember just being angry at the hockey community for being assholes and putting so much pressure on this, well, kid (we're the same age you know!). And thus I boycotted the 'Crosby is the next great one' train, because if he were to crash and burn I wouldn't be responsible. So there hasn't been any Sidney Crosby on my Puck Bunny radar...that is until May of this year.

I was sitting in the 50s style dinner with a group of friends, eating grilled cheese, drinking my milkshake, and listening to Bobby Vinton. There were TVs all over the place, and its playoff season, and its Canada so of course hockey was on. All I remember is that I wanted Anaheim to win and they didn't (The mighty ducks movies defined my childhood and our street hockey games, so it meant something), so I look up at the television and who do I see? The hottest French Canadian since le bonhomme de neige, mon ami Vincent Lecavalier. I was completely mesmerized because he was in a suit and his hair was combed and he was so damn HOT! Then came Sidney Crosby, oh my god Sidney Crosby! He was also in a suit, his hair was also combed, and fuck he was DA-UM FIONE!!!!!!!! Not only did he meet everyone's expectations but her surpassed them! He brought the Pinguinos to the playoffs, he was the highest goal scorer of the season, he was also apparently a bitch and dived all the time, BUT his hair was combed and he was in a suit, and he was looking FIONE!

So now that Sidney is hot (in a typical but awkward hockey player sort of way, and has the most nervous laugh LIKE EVER, and his voice is so soothing in that typical canuck accent sort of way, he has a great strong hockey player body, that could lift me up and throw me around if he wanted to, and I'm convinced he's good in bed!) its Sidney all the time, its Sidney Patrick Crosby in my dreams, sigh! Our birthdays are 3 weeks apart! bet'cha didn't know that!

BUT back to my original point, not even if he weren't "Sid the kid", what if he was just some dude from Nova Scotia, who didn't play hockey, like at all, (because I get turned on by even house league players, ugh I'm so affected by my environment...) would I still find him hot? would I still want to get it on? I mean he's attractive in his own right, I just ignored him because of the pressure that was put on him, but now that I know success comes easy to Sidney, I can pay attention to him BUT what if he were successful at school or something normal, would I still want his lips to be everywhere (is that too much information?)???

Oh, these tough philosophical questions that I must wrestle...


Did I mention bitch is 20 and has like ZERO neck, LOVE IT!!!!!!

PS I saw my friend's boyfriend on the train the other day, I know who he is (b/c of facebook) but he doesn't know who I am anyways DUDE was totally checking me out, wtf is that all about, whatevs, I'm sure it was nothing...err NOT