Date, Marry, Kill The Staal Brothers Edition: Incest is best!

The Staal brothers, the greatest genetic experiment to hit the NHL!!!! Not only do these boys have marketable mad hockey skills but they also have mad marketable looks! Spreads in GQ and Vogue homme are just around the corner, TRUST! Now lets' get on with the Staaling, shall we?

I'd date Marc Staal:

"Hey Marc, do the carpets match the curtains?" ;)

There's just something about Marc that awakens the maternal instinct in me; it could be his ginger hair, or that he's the brother we know the least about, or it could be the fact that he's exposed to a naked Sean Avery on a regular basis (exposure to a miro-penis must be traumatizing). Whatever it is, whenever there's mention of Ginge Staal an uncontrolled "tnawwwwwwww, Marc" escapes from my mouth, I don't know why, just does. Marc would be the best boyfriend out of all the NHL Staals (Sorry Jared, you've been excluded, what are you like, 12?) because I think he's the nicest; he'd give you flowers after you got your teeth cleaned at the dentist, would leave you the bigger piece of the pie, introduce you to his mother after your second date, hold your hair after you've taken 12 tequila shots, vomiting everywhere, and he'd probably hang out with you more than with 'his boys'. BUT no matter how nice Ginge is, I can't do nice. After a while I'd get sick of him always putting the seat down when he's done in the bathroom, and asking me about my feelings sorry Marc, its just not going to work out!

I'd marry Jordan Staal:



I'm like 100% sure that Penguins INC. AKA Mario, is pulling in all kinds of favours for the local newspapers, radio stations, and puck bunnies, not to spill the beans, because Jordo, is a party boy!!!! Abso-freaking-lutely, 100 % true, homeboy parties like a rock star!!!! But Jordan isn't a mindless frat ass hat, by day he's the fun guy, who most girls would think "omg Jordan would make SUCH a good boyfriend, like omg!!!!" he may make in appropriate jokes at times but overall Jordo is harmless and a sweet guy...that is until its pub night and its $4 dollars a pitcher! Homeboy is completely unrecognizable when you walk in, dancing like an ape, telling dirty jokes, yelling "I lurve thesssss sssssssong!" every 2 minutes, possibly a young Brian McGrattan, maybe? So why do I want to marry this fool? Well besides the fact that we have soooo much in common and we'd like totally be bff in real life, well:
a)He's super talented, hall of fame bound for sure!
b)When Jordo's passed out on the couch Marc and I could relive the glory days upstairs *wink* *wink*
c)Paternity wouldn't come into question because ginges are prevelant in both our families, so it would totally be possible for Jordo and I to make a ginge baby, Marc wouldn't even pop into his mind, heh...AHEM
d)Sidney Crosby would be our neighbour (he can come borrow some sugar anytime ;))
e)With his height and bone structure, and my eclectic genetic make up, and pretty gene our sons would be strapping young lads, while our daughters would be victoria secret-esque beauties
f) BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY Jordan will be soooooo hot when he gets older! Think he's good looking now wait till he's 35, old man hot is the best kind of hot!
Yes I would soooo marry Jordan Staal, how fun would that marriage be?

I'd kill Eric Staal:



Something's starting to change in the eldest of the brotherhood. He' still a kick ass player BUT I'm sensing an arrogance that was not there before, its mild, but still there...who do you think you are Eric, Sidney Crosby? OFF WITH HIS HEAD!