Cabbie at the All-Star Game

I've been waiting for this, for weeks. I knew it was coming and I knew it was going to be good, Cabbie never fails us, people!

• Cabbie's chemistry with Ovechkin is amazing, they should have their own show

• Love it when Cabbie calls out Heatley 'he's you a couple years ago...what happened'

• Its always good when they play along with the joke, who knew Marc Savard was so funny

• I love the inside joke he has with all the Staal brothers, how he's the 5th Staal brother. Marc and Jordan play it better but this is Eric's best showing so we won't knock him

• I'm getting douche bag vibes from Carey Price, UH OH!

but Cabbie, where's Rick Nash?

A Rick Nash Picture Moment

Today's Theme: Rick At the 2009 All Star Game

Smile for the camera, bitches!

Doan:Hey Rick, I think our gloves make us look like storm troopers
Nash: You would think that!

Thornton: Storm Troopers you say?

Nash: Storm Troopers? Where'd he get Storm Troopers. I mean if I'm going to be anyone from the Star Wars universe its going to be Luke Skywalker! Lyke srsly...

Nash: and then he was like 'our gloves make us look like storm troopers'.
Getzlaf: Storm Troopers? Pffft, what's that all about? Where'd he get that from? It wasn't from me? 'Cause I've never even seen Star Wars. None of the six movies. or any of the novels. or books on tape. I know on facebook it says that I think George Lucas is a cinematic genius but that wasn't me it was...someone hacked...Correy Perry it was all Correy Perry!

Nash: I know right? Storm Troopers! I think its quite obvious that I'd be a Jedi Knight
Tkachuk: Jedi Knight? Girlfriend, please! Youse a padiwan!

Nash: I'll be a Jedi Knight someday, won't I?
Tkachuk: A Jedi Master you will be, my young apprentice

Nash: Evil Sith- I mean Evil East with not take puck!

Hejduk: Duuuuude that was hotter than Natalie Portman in The Clone Wars

Nash: must.use.jedi.powers.

BOYS NIGHT OUT!

Iggy: hmmmm which light sabre-I mean stick. I said stick! Which stick should I use, AHEM
Nash: suuuuure

Oh honey...

Baby you know I would! In a heartbeat, I would! Your clothes on my bedroom floor. Midnight snaking. Breakfast in bed. The epic goodbye. Without hesitation I would! Baby, you're hot! SO hot! You're husband no. 5! The top hockey husband! One of my favourite players! And I know times are tough in Ottawa. I know that its the heart of winter and we're all feeling a little down, but WHAT THE HELL IS THIS FOOLISHNESS?????


Like why is your collar inside your blazer? Why are your three top buttons unbuttoned? Anymore than two and its straight up sleazy! Why isn't your blazer buttoned up? By the state of you I'm shocked that your shirt is tucked in!

And can you talk about your pale-ness? Are you not eating? Are you not exercising? Is Jason Spezza sucking out your life force with his underpreforming? Darling, baby, my love, what the hell is going on?

Sorry guys, looks like I'm needed in Ottawa stat!

DAMN!

OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! SOOOOOOOOO HAWT!

...excuse me I have to recover myself.

The NHL Makes it Right...Sort of

Because we still have people starting who don't deserve to be there let alone starting in the All-Star game *cough* Getzlaf *cough* BUT the league stepped in to give the All-Star title to the real stars of the NHL.

The Real Stars of the East:

Forwards
Jeff Carter

Dany Heatley

Ilya Kovalchuk

Vincent Lecavalier

Alexander Ovechkin - How he wasn't named a starter, I'll never know

Zach Parise
Marc Savard
Eric Staal
Thomas Vanek

Defense
Jay Bouwmeester
Zdeno Chara

Thomas Kaberle - The lone Leaf
Mark Streit

Goaltending
Henrik Lundqvist - Yesssssssssssss, finally!

Tim Thomas

The Real Stars of the West:

Forwards
Dustin Brown

Pavel Datsyuk

Shane Doan

Milan Hejduk

Jerome Iginla - Iggy truly is the pinnacle, eh? So how come he isn't a starter? Oh yea people were too busy stuffing the ballot with undeservings like Ryan Getzlaf

Mike Modano

Rick Nash - *swoon*

Joe Thornton

Keith Tkachuk

Defense
Dan Boyle

Nicklas Lidstrom
Sheldon Souray - This one I question...

Shea Weber

Goaltending
Niklas Backstrom

Roberto Luongo

What is this fuckery?

Have y'all seen the starting line up for the NHL All Star Game? Well that shit is wack! Check it:

Eastern Conference
Sidney Crosby - SHOCKING
Evgeni Malkin - SHOCKING
Alex Kovalev - SAY WAAAAAAAAAAT?
Andrei Markov - Stacking votes were we, Montreal fans?
Mike Komisarek - Ok, homeboy is hot, but an all star he is not!
Carey Price - Lundqvist robbed again? WTF is going on????

First things first: How is THE best player in the league (Alexander Ovechkin) not on the starting line-up? HOW? I know that Crosby's the golden boy and all but srsly, Ovechkin is owing Crosby in everything! That shit ain't right!

Where's Dany Heatley with his pirate smile? The sens may suck but he's still a kick ass player, same thing goes for Alfie!

Where the fuck is Vinny Lecavalier? huh? What kind of bullshit is this? again Tampa may suck, but Vinny is one of the best players in the league!

And Lundviqust, robbed again! Boo! This is wack y'all

Western Conference
Patrick Kane - Homeboy's face annoys me but yea I'm down with this one
Johnathan Toews - Homeboy's face annoys me and has even less of a personality than Crosby but again I'm down
Ryan Getzlaf - srsly bitches? srsly? Baldy McBalding gets a spot on the starting line-up and my darling Rick Nash does not, WTF??????
Brian Campbell - Brain Campbell made the starting line-up and Jerome Iginla didn't...WTF is wrong with you people?
Scott Niedermeyer - y'all chose Old man Nidermeyer and left out Lidstrom??? where's yo' head at g?
Jean-Sebasien Giguere - This one makes sense

Let me get this straigt guis, Iginla is not in the starting line-up. Nash is not in the starting line-up. Thronton is not in the starting line-up...WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?????

Damn, you bitches sure did pick horrible starting lines.


PS U knoe I break out da street talk wen I'm loced, can't check a real g, SON!

How The West Was Won

Marc Always looks 12 in his uniform

I did watch the All-Star festivities this weekend, the highlights:
-The YoungStars game (ooo Marc Staal!);
-the end of the Breakaway contest(because that's when the players understood what the hell was going on);
-Dion Phaneuf winning the Shoot out contest, when it was 3 vs 1;
-Chris Pronger falling flat on his face in front of the cameras;
-and the third period of the All-Star game.

HECK YES!

My thoughts:
-I remember the All-Star game being more exciting when I was younger, I don't know if it was because I was a kid or because it was actually more exciting back then.
-Its clear that the All-Star weekend is more for the players to have fun, muck about, and not check each other. I was bored as hell but hey the players were having the time of their lives.
-The skillz competition was boring, I'm not really into that kind of thing, so I may not be the best judge of whether it was good or not, but I can say this, the Obstacle course was ASS!

Toskala's so jealous right now! His boyfriend's hitting on Pavel!

Who was robbed:
-Rick Nash and/or Marc Savard. I love me some Staal don't get me wrong, but to be honest, Eric was hardily a blip on the radar compared to Nash and Savard, who were off the hook and thus they were robbed...sorry Eric

I OBJECT

-Lundqvist, why? why wasn't he there? like srsly, homeboy was ROBBED!!!
-Jack Johnson. He really should have played the "half-time show" and not Neyo, I mean I wanted to hear him belt out Sitting, Waiting, Wishing, that song is TOTALLY about his bff, Sidney Crosby:

Must I always be waiting, waiting on you
Must I always be playing, playing your fool
I sang your songs, I danced your dance
I gave your friends all a chance
But putting up with them
Wasn't worth never having you

sounds like Johnson's a little jealous of Colby Cheese...

Um...:
-Wow hockey players sure are illiterate
-Wow hockey players have ZERO personality
-Chris Pronger really is a douche bag
-Alyssa Milano is designing a line of fan wear for the female hockey fan...oh great now we can all look like cheap and tacky Essex girls
-That was like the most random All-Star line up! who the fuck is Duncan Keith?????

All in all it was OK, it wasn't exciting like the winter classic, but it wasn't a total suck-fest; its like watching a Leafs game...when they're playing the LA kings, its hockey, but its nothing special.


...Oh yea the East beat the West, who knew?

Western Conference

This is the conference I know the least about because I live in the East, but regardless of that fact, I still know who belongs and who doesn't!


Goaltenders:
Roberto Luongo
Manny Legace
Chris Osgood
Evgeni Nabokov

Why does the West get four goaltenders, not fair!!! Oh wait, the East has a whole OTHER team in Ovechkin, my bad!

Forwards:
Henrik Zetterberg
Pavel Datsyuk
Jarome Iginla
Jason Arnott
Marian Gaborik
Ryan Getzlaf
Shawn Horcoff
Anze Kopitar
Rick Nash
Henrik Sedin
Paul Stastny
Joe Thornton

OMG do you think we'll get more hilarious commercials featuring Joe Thornton? I love that guy!

Defense:
Nicklas Lidstrom
Dion Phaneuf
Duncan Keith
Ed Jovanovski
Chris Pronger

Pronger??? Srsly??? WTF, were you people thinking??? Now I REALLY want the East to win!

Eastern Conference

So the teams for the NHL all-star game have been announced, and...well I doubt anybody is shocked that any of these players made the team (with the exception of a few in the West) I mean it wasn't like Wade Belak made the team or anything (*snort*). Here's your 2008 Eastern line up:

Goaltenders:

Martin Brodeur
Rick DiPietro
Tomas Vokoun

WHAT THE FUCK????? WHY NOT LUNDQVIST?????

Forwards:

Sidney Crosby
Vincent Lecavalier
Daniel Alfredsson
Scott Gomez
Dany Heatley
Marian Hossa
Ilya Kovalchuk
Alex Ovechkin
Mike Richards
Jason Spezza
Eric Staal
Martin St. Louis

OMG!!! Ottawa's super not-so-secert weapon, first line have all made the team!!!!! AND John Paddock is the coach for the East...the West's got no chance in hell! Now if I scratch out Mike's [Richards] name and put Brad, do you think anyone would notice?

Ovechkin? HECK YES! You know what, its over! The rest of the team doesn't even have to show up, Alex's got this one under control!

Defense:
Zdeno Chara
Andrei Markov
Brian Campbell
Sergei Gonchar
Tomas Kaberle
Kimmo Timonen

Kaberle, the lone Leaf! He's totally going to get seizures being exposed to hockey players who can actually play! I'm not hating, Kaberle is one of the best players on Toronto and he brings it almost every game, I'm just saying, playing with Darcy Tucker and playing with Daniel Alfredsson are two completely different things. Its going to blow his mind, man!

Coles Notes On The NHL

Raffi Torres of the Edmonton Oilers is out for the rest of the season because of a torn ACL or some shit. I'm really going to miss his bleach blonde goatee...

PHOTO SHOPPED!!!! Husband no. 5 is on the cover of January's issue of Men's Fitness and um...Sidney's no male model let's put it that way! Ugh his hair, it kills me, clearly he hasn't been reading any of my fan mail! Jordan Staal really needs to give homeboy some pointers either that or Crosby needs to start watching America's next top model; Practice in the mirror Crosby, smile with your eyes, be aware of your body!


The All-Star starting line-ups have been announced:

East

Sidney Crosby - Crosby, starting in the All Star game, NO WAI!
Vincent Lecavalier - Vinny playing on a line that doesn't include St. Louis and Richards, NO WAI!
Daniel Alfredsson - Alfie playing on a line that doesn't include Spezza and Heatley, NO WAI!

Andrei Markov - Meh, whatevs
Zdeno Chara - Genetic freak...who can fuck a bitch up!

Martin Brodeur - Brodeur??? What about Lundqvist???? BOO!

West

Henrik Zetterberg - WERD!!!
Pavel Datsyuk - uh sure, whatever works!
Jarome Iginla - SCORE! Iggy is the best player in the NHL, skilled player, fearless leader, and a genuinely nice guy, I VOTED FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!

Nicklas Lidstrom - yea I voted for you too...the 2nd time around
Dion Phaneuf - ~*fierce*~, don't disappoint me Dion, I voted for you...the 5th time around

Roberto Luongo - Count Chocula is ready to shut out the East...Dude get a haircut!


OY! Where's Ovechkin??? He better make the team, that kid's on fire, NO LIE!