Oh honey...

Baby you know I would! In a heartbeat, I would! Your clothes on my bedroom floor. Midnight snaking. Breakfast in bed. The epic goodbye. Without hesitation I would! Baby, you're hot! SO hot! You're husband no. 5! The top hockey husband! One of my favourite players! And I know times are tough in Ottawa. I know that its the heart of winter and we're all feeling a little down, but WHAT THE HELL IS THIS FOOLISHNESS?????


Like why is your collar inside your blazer? Why are your three top buttons unbuttoned? Anymore than two and its straight up sleazy! Why isn't your blazer buttoned up? By the state of you I'm shocked that your shirt is tucked in!

And can you talk about your pale-ness? Are you not eating? Are you not exercising? Is Jason Spezza sucking out your life force with his underpreforming? Darling, baby, my love, what the hell is going on?

Sorry guys, looks like I'm needed in Ottawa stat!