Skynet is Taking Over One NHL Franchise at a Time

My brother and I are throughly convinced that the super computer system Skynet (a la the Terminator movies) has indeed taken over the world. ALSO we are 100% convinced that the Stanley Cup Champs have already been decided and I personally believe, without any bias whatsoever, that the 2008 Stanley Cup Champions are: The Pittsburgh Penguins.

Let's think about this logically, shall we?

-Detroit has already won a Stanley Cup this decade
-Pittsburgh is gearing up to be the next Hockeytown, USA, and has yet to win a cup this century
-Detroit is old, they play boring ol' ~*skilled*~ hockey, with minimal fighting
-Pittsburgh is young they play with emotion, skill AND they merkk a few bitches along the way AKA they play the kind of hockey that makes Gary Bettman hard
-Detroit's captain, Niklas Lidstrom, is human, probably one of the nicest guys in the NHL
-AND Sidney Crosby is a fucking cyborg



Look into his eyes and tell me you think that's human. Watch any or all interviews of The Kid and tell me those answers, those reactions don't seem, rehearsed, programmed, even? How the fuck is he soooo good? How is he so fast?

I mean this answers everything: like why would a 20 year old, good looking, pro athlete want to live with Mario Lemieux and his brood of children, when he could be rooming with Staal and taking body shots from strippers? OR why can't homeboy dress...like AT.ALL. (robots have no sense of style...want proof, look at is RBK line, like srsly dude wtf)? OR why hasn't he gotten a decent hair cut? OR why when asked about his mother on mother's day, his best response was 'she's a typical hockey mom' OR why, when journalists' crack a joke or two, homeboy just.doesn't.get.it.

Sidney Crosby is a fucking cyborg. He's a terminator, He's the T-1000!!!!!!!




...usually I'm all for human liberation and whatnot but this time, this series, I'm on the machines' side!




PS so if Crosby is a terminator that means that Ovechkin is John Connor...makes SO much sense!

Celebrity Playlist: Elliotte Friedman

Today's Celebrity Playlist is all about CBC golden boy Elliotte Friedman. The hottest thing on CBC sports, second only to Ron MacLean. Love the way Elliotte reports and the questions he asks, he's not afraid to go there and get down to business! Plus I'm totally jealous, Elliotte gets up close and personal with the sweaty, panting, stars of the NHL, clearly I chose the wrong career path!



Elliotte Friedman's Celebrity Playlist:

1)Flathead -The Fratellis

2)Intervention-Arcade Fire

3)Buddy Holly-Weezer

4)In between days-The Cure

5)Home for a rest-Spirit of the west

6)Tell me baby-Red Hot Chili Peppers

7)Disarm-Smashing Pumpkins

8)I drink alone-George Thorogood and the destroyers

9)Sweet Jane-Lou Reed and the Velvet Undergound

10)Life-Our Lady Peace

11)C'mon C'mon-The Von Bodies

12)Woman-Wolfmother

13)Fly by night-Rush

14)Fifty Mission Cap-The Tragically Hip

Are you in love? I'm in love! Who knew Elliotte Friedman, CBC sportscaster, had such great taste in music. Maybe it will rub off onto the NHL stars because my god Nickleback? NICKLEBACK??? oh hell no!


*Side Note: I've always wondered what it would be like to date a sportscaster, can you imagine the voice mail messages??? HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOO NICOLE thisisyouboyfriendElliotFriendmanjustcalling toooooooooo checkuponyouarewestillonfordinnertomorrow CAAAALLLLLLLLL MEEEEEEEEEEEE loveyoubye.

AHAHAHAHAHA

...yes this is what I think about whilst awake at 4am lying in my bed, heh.

My boys are playing tonight, GO PENS GO!!!!!

Wah, Wah ,Wah!!!!!!!!!

The Detroit Red Wings are currently 2-0, against the Pittsburgh Penguins and what's even more shocking is Crosby and the boys have yet to register a single goal against Detroit...WTF???

I'm quite disappointed in my boys, I knew this wasn't going to be an easy series BUT Detroit isn't even breaking a sweat; they're skating circles around the pens, they're shutting down Malkin, Hossa, AND even our Lord and Savior himself, Sidney Crosby.

WHAT IS GOING ON, PEOPLE????

Detroit has an answer for every single line, strategy, gimmick, and player, Pittsburgh has thrown at them, and Pittsburgh seems to be out to lunch. Even Gary Roberts tries to bait them out; tempting them to drop the gloves BUT if Roberts or any of the Pittsburgh coaching staff watched a single video of this Red Wings team then they would know that they don't play that kind of game and even if you play that game, they'll just leave you in the dust and score 5 times.


I really don't understand what the hell is going on, its like Pittsburgh is completely unresponsive to this Detroit team; two games, TWO GAMES without a single goal???? Bitch, please!!!

I've alluded to it in the past but if there's anything wrong with this Pittsburgh team, its the coaching staff. Why, in the last 8 minutes of the game, ISN'T Sidney Crosby on the ice???? Maybe you won't win but at least you could shake Osgood up, expose a weakness *cough*one timer from the blue line*cough* OR score a fucking goal!!!

AND

accusing people of diving/obstructing/embellishing is quite inconsequential when Detroit is currently MERKING YOUR ASSES AND SCHOOLING YOU IN THE GAME OF HOCKEY!!!!! You just end up sounding like sore losers: WAH, WAH, WAH !!!!!!!

Coach Therrien: He's [Chris Osgood] a good actor. He goes for players, and he's diving.

Maxime Talbot: He [Chris Osgood] did the same for Riberio (Dallas Stars). If he wants to do that, that's a shame; we're not playing soccer here.

Sidney Crosby: Yea...he [Chris Osgood] went down pretty easily.

orly????



SHUT THE FUCK UP AND PLAY SOME HOCKEY!!!!!!!!!!

Stop trying to take the heat off of your team because you know Detroit has been handing your asses on a platter, why don't you try and score, eh? Whining and complaining won't bring you the Stanley Cup...HONESTLY!!!!!!!!


...with that said I still love y'all and want y'all to win the game and I KNOW that next game @ Mellon Arena you'll take the win and why do I say that? because I believe in you (ooo so cheesy), GO PENS GO!!!!!!!


PS I think Detroit is an amazing team and I respect them as my team's opponent but I love the fact the Niklas Lidstrom took the high road when responding to the ~*Pen's accusations*~ and was almost understanding about the whole thing. Maybe other captains should take note. I'm just saying...

Hockey Happenings

Re: Crosby not touching the Prince of Wales trophy: Superstitions are completely irrational, darling

So I kind of predicted this show down of ~*pens vs red wings*~ after watching the first two games of each series. Dallas and Philly put up a good fight but the hockey gods had a different plan in store. This is a pretty exciting match up, non? The best team in the East playing the best team in the West; who will come out on top and finally put the question of 'which conference is better' to rest. CLEARLY I'm pulling for my boys, the pens; the way they've developed and the way they've become so good so fast...my god do they ever deserve it! Besides, Detroit needs to be knocked off that pedestal of theirs; best team in the NHL? We'll just see about that.

I know I've said before it would be boring if husband no. 6, Sidney Crosby, won the Stanley Cup but now that I've watched pretty much every series of this playoff season, and let the image of Crosby raising the Cup, marinate in my mind, I've decided that my darling Sidney Crosby winning the Stanley Cup, would be exciting...expected but exciting nonetheless. The pens are in it to win it, and I'm there for them 100%, GO PENS GO!!!!!!!!!!

****

Team Canada lost the gold medal game against Russia...and to be perfectly honest it wasn't that heartbreaking. OBVIOUSLY I was disappointed, I wanted Dany and Rick to bring home a gold medal BUT I'm kind of really biased towards Alexander Ovechkin and even if I found out he ate babies for breakfast I'd still love him, heh...

AND before you bitches blame my Ricky for losing the gold medal to Russia, think about this: the ENTIRE team blew a 4-2 lead; regardless of Nash's penalty in overtime, IF Canada was playing right and not actin' a fool, then chipping the puck over the glass wouldn't have made a difference! I mean, how many short handed goals did Canada score in this tournament and you fuckers want to blame Nash for losing this game? BITCH, PLEASE!

Summer Movies

The Epic:
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian



The Action Movie:
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army



The Comedy:
Pineapple Express




The 'OMG Lee Pace is so effin hot' Movie:
The Fall



The Indie Film:
The Wackness



The Motion Picture Event of the Summer:
Dark Knight

Rick Nash Video of the Day

*That chick better quit talking about my Ricky's 'body' or else...

*Jason Spezza is tooooooooooootally jealous; he knows he'll never have a highlight reel like Nash! Keep dreaming Spezza!

*Paul Maurice AKA My Dad AKA former coach of my delinquent little brother, The Toronto Maple Leafs, totally wants Nash on his [now former] team...and you know what? so do I! Rick Nash as a Leaf? UGH my life would be complete!!!!!!!!! It could so totally happen too, methinks Rick wants out of Columbus, and he wants out soon!

Drive sports cars, date movie stars, buy things that are not for sale...Why Dion, your douche baggery is complete!!!!

...Meanwhile At The Batcave;


Team Canada is merkking every team that gets in their way. Right now they're 3-0. Yesterday they beat Team USA, which so far, has been their toughest competition yet. Let's Recap shall we:

Canada vs. Slovenia, 5-1
Latvia vs. Canada, 0-7
Canada vs. USA, 5-4

And, my darling Dany Heatley has become the all time leader in points in Team Canada history...see I pick my husbands on looks AND talent, he's going to be this years MVP, for sure! And the Nash-Heatley-Getzlaf line is currently ripping up teams left, right, and centre (so to speak). Canada seems to be unstoppable, non?



I guess we'll see what happens when we meet Russia...

*Dany Heatley as Harvey Dent

*Rick Nash as Bruce Wayne

*Ryan Getzlaf as The Joker


*I was trying to keep with the comic book theme here, I'm a nerd I know...well, I tried OK?


PS who's excited for the new batman movie???? I know you would have never have guessed it but I can't fucking wait to see it!!!!!!

Perfection vs Beauty and the Beast

Last night was the MET Costume Institute Gala, its pretty much a useless event if you're a regular person BUT if you're in the fashion industry or a ~*celebrity*~ its a magical night of high fashion and trying to kiss ass all the way to your very own Vogue cover. So who showed up?

Gisele and Tom:


UGH! The most perfect of perfect couples. He's ridiculously hot, she's ridiculously hot. Imagine their sex tape, EPIC!!!! They are made for each other and I love it! I love how you couldn't come up with a more perfect couple if you tried: an NFL ~*star*~ quarterback AND the highest paid supermodel, UGH PERFECTION!!!!!!!! Don't they look amazing together? Her bod is out of this world, wouldn't you agree? Love them together, I hope they get married, then all my dreams for them will come true.

and then Mike and Hilary showed up:



Hilary's a very pretty girl. She's been pretty savvy with her career, steering away from photographic evidence of scandal and drugs, made a fortune at a very young age but has remained very grounded and dedicated to her fans. But Hilary's downfall is that she has shitty taste in men. First she dated Aaron Cater...Aaron Carter, guys!!!!!!!! Then she moved on to douche bag Joel Madden who by all accounts is responsible for her new ~*sound*~. And now its Mike 'douche bag home wrecking' Comrie. Let's get this straight, none, I repeat NONE of these guys deserve/deserved Hilary. Where she's at and where they're all at its like entirely different leagues.

Comrie's a douche! He's got it all over his face. Left Edmonton because he slept with one of his fellow team mates wives (very classy), started dating Elisha Cuthbert while in Ottawa (take note Dion!). Ottawa eventually got rid of him because he never developed into the player that everyone thought he would be. I don't understand why she goes for the douche bags! I mean look at her, gorgeous girl and look at Comrie...do you find him attractive? Do you find that attractive??? Damn, girl if you weren't going for looks couldn't you have at least gone on talent???? Comrie's past his prime; probably signed that deal with the Islanders because no one else was knocking on his door.

*Oh Hilary, if it weren't for your poor choice in men, I'd totally love you but alas it was not meant to be





*it may seem unfair to not like a person based on who they date BUT Hilary is selling her relationship to us. How else would the paparazzi always find them during their tender moments? Why else would she walk the red carpet with him, when he could have easily gone through the back entrance? Why else would she openly talk about him and their relationship to the media? Why else would she sit front row at his hockey games, when all other hockey wives/gfs sit in the box way at the top? Hilary's no Christian Bale or Gwenyth Paltrow or Rachel McAdams who very rarely talk about their personal life. She's selling it guys: Mike & Hilary 4eva!! but I'm not buying!

Round 3 of the Stanley Cup Playoffs Hath Begun

tsn.ca

Last night after 4 rounds of overtime, the Stars took the series from Joe and the boys and are now off to hockeytown, USA AKA Detroit, for the Western Conference Finals to take on the living hockey gods themselves, the Red Wings. I'm throughly impressed with the Stars' performance (methinks it has everything to do with Brad Richards teaching Brenden Morrow how to colour co-ordinate) and I think this series will be on fire. The numbers say Detroit is taking this one BUT I wouldn't be so sure about that; this one may be too close to call...

And then we have the Eastern Conference Finals, the exact match up I didn't want to happen; The battle of Pennsylvania: The Penguins vs. The Flyers; a heated rivalry that will only get dirty. Do you remember that last game between The Pens and The Flyers? You know, the one before the playoffs, the game that decided who would play who? Remeber how for the first period, literally every 2 minutes there was a scrum? Remember how The Flyers went after The Pens hard. With Psychos like Hartnell and Downie I'm actually kind of scared to watch this series!

See, hits and fighting are a part of hockey, we all know that but there's always a select few players who have some serious anger issues that like to project those feelings and emotions, not only, on to the opposing team but also, on to their best players i.e. Malkin and Crosby. We'll see what happens, I guess. Maybe Philly's coaching staff will be able to contain their loose canons and focus on their skilled players like Umberger (mmm hamburgers), Richards, Upshall, and Briere. If Philly keeps on playing the way they're playing, this will be one heck of a series!!!!!!!!

That's Why He's Not On Team Canada

Damn they look ROUGH!!!!!

A long night of hard partying in Hollywood...how could I be so naive? I thought they would be good for each other! She would up his profile in the hockey world, he would purge the disease that lives within her AND resurrect her career. But looks like Dion has been sucked into the hell hole that is Hollywood. Giving up playing for Team Canada to party in the Sodom and Gomorrah of our times with his D-list girlfriend. I kind of take back everything I said about these two

Usually its the older players that pass on playing in the world championships because:
a)They have families and summer is the only time they can play doting husband and adoring father;
b)They're not as young and fit as they used to be; Playing the fastest game on earth for 6/7 months does have an effect on their bodies; they need the summer to rest up;
c)They played the tournament when they were young whipper snappers, they've done their time, they know they're on Team Canada for the Olympics, anyway!

BUT Dion is young. Dion has no family. Dion is 22 years old. Dion is out of the playoffs, no Lord Stanley for him! So why not some gold, eh? He's also one of the young stars of the NHL, he should be foaming at the mouth at just the thought of participating in this tournament. But alas he's in the gaudy, tacky town of LA partying it up with a chick who is, at best, a has been.

I Loved them, guys, I really did! But this is all becoming clear to me now...


She can't dress, he can't dress, they'll be a mess of graphic tees, gaudy designer bags, and white powder; stumbling out of LA clubs in the early hours of the morning, AND sooner or later that bleeding from every orifice disease will rear her head, and our Lord and Savior, Sidney Crosby will have to work his divine power to defeat this indiscriminate evil...but can he?

She could be the end of hockey guys, do not underestimate her power. And you know what? It will all be Dion's fault...BOO!!!


Elisha and Dion? I OBJECT!!!!


Quick Fact: Sean Avery, you know Sean Avery (get well soon, you punk ass bitch, don't die on us, you hear? stay healthy!!!)? Well he was not the Sean Avery we all know and love today UNTIL he moved to LA and started dating D-list celebs (Rachel Hunter/Elisha Cuthbert)...I'm just saying

Pretty Boy: Jamie Dornan

What I really want is a regular guy who can dress like a pretty boy but apparently that's not how the world works. So I'm stuck wishing that graphic tee wearing guys like Rick Nash, Sidney Crosby, and Chris (heee), knew how to dress. You don't know how much their ill fitting jeans haunts my dreams!

But I digress, this post is about enjoying the hotness that is Jamie Dornan! Keira Knightly's ex-boyfriend, Kirsten Dunst butt boy in Marie Antoinette, and overall sexy beast. He's too pretty for words but at the same time exudes this macho sexiness that can only be explained with moans and groans. And now for your viewing pleasure Jamie Dornan a non-graphic tee wearing kind of guy AKA the man of my dreams:

Don't you just love how he knows how to handle a woman and even though this is a photo shoot, he's giving, not getting. A true gentlemen! oh and his lips guys. His lips!!!!!!!!! *faints*

Like Kate, I don't go for the pretty boys, but DAMN, Jamie's fine!!!!

Work that flag!

*cardiac arrests*