LAME

Who says like shit like this, anyway?

The lamest of the lame, is Dion Phaneuf's "I never enjoy a hit, I can't afford to, I forget it once its over, blah blah blah"...Yea ok, buddy. We get it you're tough and skilled and shit.

Sorry that I'm picking this apart but I'm an anthropologist that's what I'm trained to do.

I think what's this campaign's downfall is that it takes itself too seriously...and its really lame! It doesn't really show what its trying to sell which is hockey, all it shows is a bunch of whiny bitches and green screen magic.

ON TO THE VIDEOS



AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!




And your point is...



Get over it dude!



*eye roll*

IT WORKED!!!!!!!!!!

Frolicking on the beach with Elisha Cuthbert HAS helped Dion Phaneuf! It was just announced that Dion will be gracing the cover of EA Sports NHL '09 cover.

Last year's cover, featuring Eric Staal

I'm still not convinced about these two, its been an emotional rollercoaster ride. I've always liked Dion and I've always liked Elisha but them together + hollywood + Paris Hilton that infectious bleeding from every orifice disease?

...once again, the jury is out on this one.

That's Why He's Not On Team Canada

Damn they look ROUGH!!!!!

A long night of hard partying in Hollywood...how could I be so naive? I thought they would be good for each other! She would up his profile in the hockey world, he would purge the disease that lives within her AND resurrect her career. But looks like Dion has been sucked into the hell hole that is Hollywood. Giving up playing for Team Canada to party in the Sodom and Gomorrah of our times with his D-list girlfriend. I kind of take back everything I said about these two

Usually its the older players that pass on playing in the world championships because:
a)They have families and summer is the only time they can play doting husband and adoring father;
b)They're not as young and fit as they used to be; Playing the fastest game on earth for 6/7 months does have an effect on their bodies; they need the summer to rest up;
c)They played the tournament when they were young whipper snappers, they've done their time, they know they're on Team Canada for the Olympics, anyway!

BUT Dion is young. Dion has no family. Dion is 22 years old. Dion is out of the playoffs, no Lord Stanley for him! So why not some gold, eh? He's also one of the young stars of the NHL, he should be foaming at the mouth at just the thought of participating in this tournament. But alas he's in the gaudy, tacky town of LA partying it up with a chick who is, at best, a has been.

I Loved them, guys, I really did! But this is all becoming clear to me now...


She can't dress, he can't dress, they'll be a mess of graphic tees, gaudy designer bags, and white powder; stumbling out of LA clubs in the early hours of the morning, AND sooner or later that bleeding from every orifice disease will rear her head, and our Lord and Savior, Sidney Crosby will have to work his divine power to defeat this indiscriminate evil...but can he?

She could be the end of hockey guys, do not underestimate her power. And you know what? It will all be Dion's fault...BOO!!!


Elisha and Dion? I OBJECT!!!!


Quick Fact: Sean Avery, you know Sean Avery (get well soon, you punk ass bitch, don't die on us, you hear? stay healthy!!!)? Well he was not the Sean Avery we all know and love today UNTIL he moved to LA and started dating D-list celebs (Rachel Hunter/Elisha Cuthbert)...I'm just saying

Dion, ya dun good!

Elisha Cuthbert is hot again!!!!!!!!! but more importantly she's working again!!!!!!!!!!

Dion, Iggy, Old man Nolan and the rest of the mohawked Flames are currently merkking Joe and the boys; Elisha is once again smoking hot and working, I don't know about you but I think this is working out for the better...I APPROVE!!!!!!!!!

HOWEVER, its only a matter of time before that disease Paris Hilton, rears her highly contagious, bleeding from every orifice pathogen, at the NHL, oh you know its coming! Will our Lord and Savior, Sidney Crosby, be able to protect us from such indiscriminate evil??? I hope so guys I really hope so...

Forgive?

Word on the street is Elisha Cuthbert AKA Sean Avery's ex AKA Mike Komisarek's rebound AKA The Girl Next Door is boinking Dion Phaneuf, and you know what? I kind of love it!

Why?

Well Dion deservers some good pootang; despite her unfortunate hair cuts and bfs, Elisha is a hot piece and I totally loved her before she became bff with that no talent skank; AND wasn't I just saying that the NHL tooootally gets shafted in terms of hot wives/girlfriends??? Even though, Elisha is not new to the puck bunny game, and by no means, even compares with the NBA/NFL/MLB wives/girlfriends(Gisele is a goddess in my books, there are few who can come close)...at least the NHL has a team now, ya know? And I'm pretty sure Elisha is their captain. Seriously, how many girls can say Justin Timberlake wrote a song about them?

"You spend your nights alone and he never comes home. And everytime you call him, all you get's a busy tone. I heard you found out that he's doing to you what you did to me, ain't that the way it goes. When you cheated, girl, my heart bleeded, girl. So it goes without saying that ya left me feeling hurt. Just a classic case scenario. Tale as old as time. Girl, you got what you deserved and now you want somebody to cure the lonely nights, you wish you had somebody that could come and make it right but girl, I ain't somebody I'm out of sympathy"

OH SNAP!!!!!

but can we really forgive her? She left JT's bff for Sean Avery...she dated Sean Avery for over two years...she boinked Sean Avery...and it was Sean Avery who broke up with her...she's also good [sapphic] friends with Paris Hilton; can we really trust her with our Dion? Does she deserve him? Can we overlook her transgressions for the betterment of the NHL a la Dion Phaneuf's personal life?

I want to love them! I want to love them so bad! They'd be so hot together, so damn hot! but can we know without a shadow of a doubt that Elisha will not infect Dion(and by extention the Western Conference) with the highly contagious, bleeding from every orifice Paris Hilton disease????

I don't know guys, I really don't know...

Just a city boy...

I LOVE THE INTERNET!!!!

why?

well if we didn't have the internet would we ever get to experience this:



Its Dion Phaneuf, my favorite NHL badass, "singing" Journey's 'Don't Stop Believing'.

Do you love it or do you LOVE it?

But srsly only in Alberta. I'm not saying that we don't belt out Journey whilst drunk in Toronto, all I'm saying is...that's VERY Alberta of him, ya know what I mean?

This is for y'all on the West side 'cause you know its the best side

DUCK ROAST!!!!!!

Last night I missed the Leafs game because I was at the ballet (seeing the Nutcracker no less!) so to get my Hockey night in Canada fix, I watched the Calgary Flames roast the Anaheim Ducks (6-3, you know). I only watched the last 2 periods but apparently the Flames were getting a beat down in the first period but watching the 2nd and 3rd periods I would have never guessed.

Let's just say that in the last half of the game, them ducks were skewered and roasted! My brother kept on heckling Pronger and [Scott] Niedermayer from our living room and kept on trying to figure out why they hell I find Dion Phaneuf attractive (maybe its his ~*fierce*~ Citizen adverts). It was a pretty intense game, I'm not going to lie! And how good is Calgary???

I'm so glad they're changing the schedule next year, forget seeing Crosby, its a well known fact that the Western Conference is the better division, I wanna see some Joe Thornton, and Vesa Toskala's alter ego Markus Nasland! Rivalries schmivalries, share the wealth!!!!

Date, Marry, Kill The Prodigy Edition: Moses, David, and Jesus

We'll get a little biblical here, in honor of Mike Fisher's win last night and in honor of players who are currently changing the game of hockey, just like Moses, King David, and Jesus changed the world thousands of years ago!

Blasphemous?

Um why don't you quit being so uptight, and enjoy the allusion I'm making, ok? I'm getting all English lit on yo asses, appreciate it!

I would date King David/Alexander Ovechkin:



I love this man! He's hilarious, charismatic, engaging, oh and he's a pretty decent hockey player...so much that I'm going to shock everyone and say he's just as good as Sidney Crosby *gasp* there are reasons why he's not getting as much attention as Crosby but that's another post for another time. David is described in the bible as "ruddy, and fine in appearance with handsome features" and that pretty much sums up Alex, he's good looking in that rugged 'I broke my nose in 7 different places 9 different times' kind of way and he's fearless just like King David!

Alex is electric, you can't help but like him, people mistake his passion for arrogance; please people, haven't you've ever played a game were you get so into it you turn into an asshole? That's no reflection on who you are outside the game nor is it a reflection of Alex when he's off the ice! Alex would be the fun boyfriend, he'd always make you laugh, he likes to party, he knows how to dress, and he's rich, rich, rich. I could totally picture him talking dirty to me in Russian, I'd haven't the slightest clue as to what he's saying but it would totally work, I'm such a sucker for foreign men! The sex would be kinky, I just know it. BUT Alex is not someone I could grow old with, methinks Comrade Ovechkin is moody and would sulk and pout if he doesn't get his way, sorry Alex I want a man not a boy!

I'd Marry Jesus/Sidney Crosby:


When the angel Gabriel appeared to Mary, telling her she would bear the son of God he said "He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Most High, and the Lord God will give him the throne of his ancestor David. He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his Kingdom there will be no end" So to paraphrase here, Sidney Crosby will be the greatest hockey player ever seen.

Why would I want to marry Sidney Crosby? Um besides the obvious (bajillions of dollars) husband no. 5 is a huge dork but a hot dork, who could bench press you, while watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Sidney has such a pretty face, those eyes, those lips, ugh *melts*. He'd be protective of you but not in obsessive way, he'd keep his distance, but he'd totally cut you off when you're at the club with your friends totally drunk and telling you friend Sheila that she's a huge slut. He'd cuddle after sex...oh yea the sex! I hate this term but with Sidney it would totally be making love (OMG I can't believe I just said that!), he'd be right there with you, in sync, entranced; you, only you , he'd see, and feel!

Sidney would be such a good dad, which is pretty scary that I can say that when homeboy is 20 but there you have it. He'd be rolling on the living room floor with the boys, play the kissing monster with the girls, and when mommy has to go on a 'business trip' you know they'd be living off of take out and kool aid, so typical. You know he'd protect his family from the media spotlight, keeping them out of all that craziness. And growing old with the Messiah? I can so picture him saying "Nikki, where'd I put my glasses?" *squee* OH Sidney, 'til death do us part indeed!


I'd Kill Moses/Dion Phaneuf:



Moses kind of had anger issues: "As soon as he came near the camp and saw the calf and the dancing, Moses' anger burned hot, and he the tablets from his hands and broke them at the foot of the mountain. He took the calf they had made, burned it with fire, ground it to power, scattered it on the water and made the Israelites drink it" AND so does Dion Phaneuf! Dion's a huge badass...its kind of hot!

I always wondered why Dion's forever scowling and then I saw the alternative, and my god his smile FREAKS me out, its like a serial killer trying to play nice, trying to fit in, it just isn't natural! I suppose Phaneuf's attractive, his chin's kind of ginormous, and he looks about 20 years older than he actually is (exfoliate and moisturize, Dion, TRUST!) but he's hot in that 'badass smoking in the corner of the bar with a secret' kind of way. He's not very smooth with the media, but I think that's just part of his personality, no bullshit! which is what you give interviewers that ask the same question over and over, and have you seen his walk? Do not mess with Phaneuf, kids! So why am I sending Dion off to the firing squad? Well, someone's got to go, and if its between Moses, David, and Jesus, well its going to be Moses. Sorry Phaneuf, I'll see you on the other side *love*