Blasphemous?
Um why don't you quit being so uptight, and enjoy the allusion I'm making, ok? I'm getting all English lit on yo asses, appreciate it!
I would date King David/Alexander Ovechkin:
I love this man! He's hilarious, charismatic, engaging, oh and he's a pretty decent hockey player...so much that I'm going to shock everyone and say he's just as good as Sidney Crosby *gasp* there are reasons why he's not getting as much attention as Crosby but that's another post for another time. David is described in the bible as "ruddy, and fine in appearance with handsome features" and that pretty much sums up Alex, he's good looking in that rugged 'I broke my nose in 7 different places 9 different times' kind of way and he's fearless just like King David!
Alex is electric, you can't help but like him, people mistake his passion for arrogance; please people, haven't you've ever played a game were you get so into it you turn into an asshole? That's no reflection on who you are outside the game nor is it a reflection of Alex when he's off the ice! Alex would be the fun boyfriend, he'd always make you laugh, he likes to party, he knows how to dress, and he's rich, rich, rich. I could totally picture him talking dirty to me in Russian, I'd haven't the slightest clue as to what he's saying but it would totally work, I'm such a sucker for foreign men! The sex would be kinky, I just know it. BUT Alex is not someone I could grow old with, methinks Comrade Ovechkin is moody and would sulk and pout if he doesn't get his way, sorry Alex I want a man not a boy!
I'd Marry Jesus/Sidney Crosby:
When the angel Gabriel appeared to Mary, telling her she would bear the son of God he said "He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Most High, and the Lord God will give him the throne of his ancestor David. He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his Kingdom there will be no end" So to paraphrase here, Sidney Crosby will be the greatest hockey player ever seen.
Why would I want to marry Sidney Crosby? Um besides the obvious (bajillions of dollars) husband no. 5 is a huge dork but a hot dork, who could bench press you, while watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Sidney has such a pretty face, those eyes, those lips, ugh *melts*. He'd be protective of you but not in obsessive way, he'd keep his distance, but he'd totally cut you off when you're at the club with your friends totally drunk and telling you friend Sheila that she's a huge slut. He'd cuddle after sex...oh yea the sex! I hate this term but with Sidney it would totally be making love (OMG I can't believe I just said that!), he'd be right there with you, in sync, entranced; you, only you , he'd see, and feel!
Sidney would be such a good dad, which is pretty scary that I can say that when homeboy is 20 but there you have it. He'd be rolling on the living room floor with the boys, play the kissing monster with the girls, and when mommy has to go on a 'business trip' you know they'd be living off of take out and kool aid, so typical. You know he'd protect his family from the media spotlight, keeping them out of all that craziness. And growing old with the Messiah? I can so picture him saying "Nikki, where'd I put my glasses?" *squee* OH Sidney, 'til death do us part indeed!
I'd Kill Moses/Dion Phaneuf:
Moses kind of had anger issues: "As soon as he came near the camp and saw the calf and the dancing, Moses' anger burned hot, and he the tablets from his hands and broke them at the foot of the mountain. He took the calf they had made, burned it with fire, ground it to power, scattered it on the water and made the Israelites drink it" AND so does Dion Phaneuf! Dion's a huge badass...its kind of hot!
I always wondered why Dion's forever scowling and then I saw the alternative, and my god his smile FREAKS me out, its like a serial killer trying to play nice, trying to fit in, it just isn't natural! I suppose Phaneuf's attractive, his chin's kind of ginormous, and he looks about 20 years older than he actually is (exfoliate and moisturize, Dion, TRUST!) but he's hot in that 'badass smoking in the corner of the bar with a secret' kind of way. He's not very smooth with the media, but I think that's just part of his personality, no bullshit! which is what you give interviewers that ask the same question over and over, and have you seen his walk? Do not mess with Phaneuf, kids! So why am I sending Dion off to the firing squad? Well, someone's got to go, and if its between Moses, David, and Jesus, well its going to be Moses. Sorry Phaneuf, I'll see you on the other side *love*
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