Friday, May 30, 2008

Skynet is Taking Over One NHL Franchise at a Time



My brother and I are throughly convinced that the super computer system Skynet (a la the Terminator movies) has indeed taken over the world. ALSO we are 100% convinced that the Stanley Cup Champs have already been decided and I personally believe, without any bias whatsoever, that the 2008 Stanley Cup Champions are: The Pittsburgh Penguins.

Let's think about this logically, shall we?

-Detroit has already won a Stanley Cup this decade
-Pittsburgh is gearing up to be the next Hockeytown, USA, and has yet to win a cup this century
-Detroit is old, they play boring ol' ~*skilled*~ hockey, with minimal fighting
-Pittsburgh is young they play with emotion, skill AND they merkk a few bitches along the way AKA they play the kind of hockey that makes Gary Bettman hard
-Detroit's captain, Niklas Lidstrom, is human, probably one of the nicest guys in the NHL
-AND Sidney Crosby is a fucking cyborg



Look into his eyes and tell me you think that's human. Watch any or all interviews of The Kid and tell me those answers, those reactions don't seem, rehearsed, programmed, even? How the fuck is he soooo good? How is he so fast?

I mean this answers everything: like why would a 20 year old, good looking, pro athlete want to live with Mario Lemieux and his brood of children, when he could be rooming with Staal and taking body shots from strippers? OR why can't homeboy dress...like AT.ALL. (robots have no sense of style...want proof, look at is RBK line, like srsly dude wtf)? OR why hasn't he gotten a decent hair cut? OR why when asked about his mother on mother's day, his best response was 'she's a typical hockey mom' OR why, when journalists' crack a joke or two, homeboy just.doesn't.get.it.

Sidney Crosby is a fucking cyborg. He's a terminator, He's the T-1000!!!!!!!




...usually I'm all for human liberation and whatnot but this time, this series, I'm on the machines' side!




PS so if Crosby is a terminator that means that Ovechkin is John Connor...makes SO much sense!

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