Mike Fisher Gets Traded

I know a lot of people are demanding blood because Carrie Underwood pulled a Janet Jones-Gretzky but let's look at this pragmatically, shall we? Fisher is a 3rd maybe even a 2nd line player he started his hockey career in Ottawa, its all he's ever known, and at 30 years old if his best days aren't behind him, they soon will be. Ottawa is not making the playoffs, in fact they are doing worse than the Leafs *snort*. Nashville however are 6th in the Western conference, and they have a chance at making it to the post season, anyone who knows anything about Mike Fisher knows that he deserves a shot at the cup. So why shouldn't he get that chance? And what's so wrong in him moving to a city that benefits not only himself but his wife as well?

Don't get me wrong I think Carrie Underwood's tacky bitch. Tacky as in, worse dresser EVER and bitch as in bitch but she is uber talented, and did give us the great revenge song "before he cheats", and they both seem to be in love (ahh newly weds), so I really don't see anything wrong with this entire situation because it seems to benefit both equally.



PS that weave is offensive, non?

The Dany Heatley Conundrum

Its been over a month since it was made public that Dany Heatley wanted to leave the Ottawa Senators and still Heater has not been signed by another team. I have an inkling that, no. 15 will be skating with the sens come October.

This whole situation ain't kosher. I mean why did the Heatley camp think it was a good idea to leak that kind of info a year into his 40 million dollar contract? Why are both parties fighting it out in the Media? And why did the media think it was ok to go to Dan Snyder's father for a comment on the situation, um, can we say tasteless?

I am a Dany Heatley fan. I am perturbed, yes, that he's barely into his $40 million dollar contract and wants out but if my Profs taught me anything, its to be objective and to look at a situation from all angles.

From one angle, Heater looks like a spoiled, self-centred brat, who throws a tantrum if he doesn't get his way. He seems to be an ingrate that doesn't know how good he has it.

But I pose this question, why would Heatley, want out of Ottawa when he's been successful (2007 Stanley Cup finals, Top Scorer on the team, etc.), where he's made several close relationships with both players and other members within the sens organization? Where he's made a life for himself after Dan Snyder's death?

Methinks a)Something pretty serious/unforgiveable had to have happened for Dany to want out and b)Dany is not in completely control of the clusterfuck that he is currently in, either he has an agent, a manager, a hockey-parent, or golddigger who has their finger in this pie.

I don't know guys, this is just an unfortunate situation. I don't know what to think.

Billionaire Boys Club

That's what the NHL is. An exclusive club filled with WASPy, sneaky, shrewd, uber-rich businessmen, and they won't let you in without the secret password...that and VERY deep pockets. They are loyal, play things closet to the vest and take care of their own, something Jim Balsillie learned quite recently, and something Dany Heatley is learning today, through our very own Uncle Brian, no less.

Uncle Brian let it be known that Dany Heatley would not become one of my delinquent little brother, the Toronto Maple Leafs, because he ain't down with how Heater handled his trade request:

TSN

"We're not going to be in on that. He's a good player but I have certain guidelines on how players ask for trades...For a player to pop off and say he wants out or leak it (to the media), in my mind you are now no longer interested in your team. If you've done that you've handicapped them, you've handcuffed your GM...As long as you are on that team, you owe them to maximize the asset, and once you've taken that step, sorry I don't accept that."

Really Uncle Brian? Really? Did you just say that you don't accept that? Because as I recall, that's exactly what Chris Pronger did in Edmonton.

Actions speak louder than words Uncle Brian, and if you do not accept such behavior because it goes against your ideology, as you suggest in your statements, then wouldn't said behavior prevent you from working with such a player? And yet was it not you who orchestrated the acquisition of Pronger from Edmonton, who made it quite public that he was not happy in Edmonton and wanted a trade?

Hm.

Get off your high horse, dude! Maybe Heater's strategy wasn't ideal but he wants out of Ottawa and he doesn't want to be jerked around by the suits of the Sens organization, who are grabbing at straws just to keep their team afloat, so yeah he forced their hand, was it questionable? Maybe, but don't act all high and mighty, pretending like your shit don't stink, because it does Uncle Brian, it does!

You're probably just upset because he has NO interest in coming to Toronto. One of the best snipers in the NHL and you don't want him because he hurt Brian Murray and Corey Clouston's feelings, bitch please! You ain't foolin' no one!

I think you and Daddy Wilson need a few more rounds of golf.

Daniel Heatley Wishes To Depart From The Ottawa Senators

...and the world wonders why no other Senator wishes to do the same.


So Dany Heatley has asked to leave Ottawa...can we really blame him? Fans are in an uproar, Brian Murray's on damage control and making underhanded comments to the media:

"We signed [Heatley] to a long-term deal and we expect him to honour it. At this point in time he's a Senator."

The thing about Heatley is that he is one of the best players in the league, probably the world, it was pretty much him and Alfresson this entire season, the rest of the team just weren't up to task both mentally and physically. Heater's riding out the last years of being 'in his prime', so I could definitely understand why he wants out and why he doesn't want to waste those years on a team that's on a downward spiral.

True, Heater got a second lease on life in Ottawa after Dan Snider's tragic death, and he really proved himself to be a top tier player. The city of Ottawa and the Senator's organization welcomed him and supported him but he's done a lot for this team, he's lead them, propped them up, and breathed new life into games that they had no business even playing in (because they sucked SO BAD). And methinks that there's something going on in that dressing room that's just weighing them down, some kind of dark energy. Even after Ray Emery, their fall guy(justified or not), was unceremoniously kicked out of the club, they still sucked, they still couldn't get it together.

Dany Heatley knows what's up, he knows that Ottawa won't be back in a Stanley Cup final anytime soon, and he knows that with each passing season there's just going to be an Ovechkin/Crosby/Towes/Kane/Stamkos ready and willing to be the next star of the NHL, he needs to get it together soon if he wants a Stanley Cup ring. I won't be upset if he moves somewhere else. Neither should any other Sens/Hockey fan, honestly that situation there, has bad juju written all over it, get out while you can boys...well except for you Spezza, you can stay.

PS Even Raymond Emery has moved on to greener pastures. Homeboy just signed on with the Philadelphia Flyers

Called It!

So its official! With Montreal winning last night and Ottawa losing, the Ottawa Senators have been eliminated from the Stanley Cup Playoffs...Z!NG!

I knew this was going to happen. You knew this was going to happen. The Sens themselves knew this was going to happen. We all knew this was going to happen. But still I'm angry, are you angry?

I'm angry because this is a one line team. I'm angry because many players on this team think that their shit don't stink(Spezza). I'm angry because the coaching wasn't there. I'm angry because the goaltending was rubbish. But most of all I'm angry because everyone in this organization knew that there were serious problems with this team and with the coaching staff but they did fuck all about it.

Why? Well we can only speculate but my speculation is that they're trying to keep together, more or less, the players and the system that got them to the Stanley Cup finals in 2007 except that its not 2007 and that system only got them to the finals it didn't bring them the Cup so maybe its time for change, a radical change!

...maybe in the off season, which starts in two weeks, how sad.

SRSLY?

My dearest Sens have been having problems for the past two seasons now. After making it to the Cup finals in 2007, their performance has been lacklustre. It had a lot to do with goal tending, it had a lot to do with defense, and it had a lot to do with the attitudes in the dressing room (since Emery's gone, I'm looking right at you Jason Spezza).

I mean last season they hit the ground running, and then December came around and it all fell apart. The season ended with the boys being kicked out of the first round of the playoffs by the team they kicked out last year, Pittsburgh. It was heartbreaking, NGL! So they got rid of Ray Emery, shipped him off to Siberia, and comments were made by certain players that season was going to be different that this season was going to be better. And come September I was brimming with excitement at what my dear sens were going to do with this fresh start, this new lease on life!

Sure this season's been different, but has it been better? Fuck no! Because Ottawa is out of the playoffs right now and I really don't see that changing within the next few weeks. Their prefromance has been dismal, depressing even. So I don't understand Murray's insistance on trying to keep together this team that no longer works! Not only that but bring back a player (Comrie) who was not happy in Ottawa before, didn't want to be there, wasn't wanted by the organization, and played for one of the worst teams in the league for the last two seasons because no one else wanted him. So why bring him back? He's past his prime. He's a 4th liner on this team at his very best, and you passed up a first round pick for this has-been? PLEASE!

Sure he scored yesterday, and helped the sens get out of their slump BUT its only one game and if you think that he's going to be the key ingredient to light that fire in that dressing room, then you deserve the short season that's coming to you!

Trade Spezza, trade Phillips, trade Neil, and then maybe just maybe you'll see a light at the end of the tunnel...next season.

PS I'm not in Ottawa so I don't know for sure but I'm getting seismic readings on what appears to be Jason Spezza's ego and attitude, but that's only from what I've seen in his play, and off ice interviews, so I could be totally wrong...although I doubt that I am

Oh honey...

Baby you know I would! In a heartbeat, I would! Your clothes on my bedroom floor. Midnight snaking. Breakfast in bed. The epic goodbye. Without hesitation I would! Baby, you're hot! SO hot! You're husband no. 5! The top hockey husband! One of my favourite players! And I know times are tough in Ottawa. I know that its the heart of winter and we're all feeling a little down, but WHAT THE HELL IS THIS FOOLISHNESS?????


Like why is your collar inside your blazer? Why are your three top buttons unbuttoned? Anymore than two and its straight up sleazy! Why isn't your blazer buttoned up? By the state of you I'm shocked that your shirt is tucked in!

And can you talk about your pale-ness? Are you not eating? Are you not exercising? Is Jason Spezza sucking out your life force with his underpreforming? Darling, baby, my love, what the hell is going on?

Sorry guys, looks like I'm needed in Ottawa stat!

Pube 'stache!!!!!!!!

Sidney's facial hair is a little bit thicker than it was last year, but still, he ain't no Rick Nash *sigh*

...I know, I know, I shouldn't compare husbands because it raises conflict in an already high volatile environment (1 wife, 7 husbands, it does get messy) but I can't help it, I love hair on a man it shows that he's a man, ya know? Sidney has another year or so to go before he becomes a man.

work it,baby, work it!

Dany came home this morning and he was pretty down; naturally he would be, they didn't win a single game in the series, I've tried to console him but he's been drinking beer all day and muttering something about Ray Emery and John Paddock, I don't know what that's all about but Rick and I have been keeping our distance. It must be hard knowing that you are a good team, a better team, and yet you couldn't get it together for a single win. One thing's for sure, I'm stocking up on two-bite brownies, and Häagen-Dazs for the next few months...oh Dany :'(


but SIDNEY CROSBY'S ONE STEP CLOSER TO LORD STANLEY'S CUP!!!!!!! I'd be totally stoked if he won, it would be boring and expected but I'd be stoked nonetheless!!!!!!!

The End Is Near Here

Dany Heatley, reminds Sidney Crosby, of the husband hierarchy in my household...even when the Pens are totally merkking the Sens

I don't know if you've noticed but I've remained mum on the Ottawa/Pittsburgh series, for obvious reasons. Well tonight is game 4 and its 3-0, for Pittsburgh. Only twice in NHL history has a team come back from 3-0 losses to take the series, one of those teams being the Toronto Maple Leafs back when they were good, 10 million years ago.

But let's be realistic shall we?

Ottawa is not going to win tonight, it just isn't going to happen! Even though they are essentially the same team they were last year when they faced the Pens, who are essentially the same team they were last year (Marian Hossa, hasn't really made a dent, HONESTLY!), they are not going to win tonight, or come back from 3-0, to take the series, let's be honest with ourselves!

Would I like them to win? YES! Are they going to win? NO! The Pens have become too good and too powerful and the Sens have...I actually have no fucking clue what happened to the Sens.

Its ok Dany, we can get drunk, listen to emo music, cry, gorge ourselves on ice cream, and yell at the television when, husband no. 6, Sidney Crosby raises The Cup...

Well...

I've been studying for a super scary mid-term and my parents just left for the motherland a few days ago, so the past week has been pretty busy and thus I have not posted anything for a few days. This post is just to let you know that I'm alive, and that I am aware of throat-slashing, and my beloved Ottawa senators trades and acquisitions.

ANYWAYS just to wet your appetites here's a video of a 13 yr old Sidney Crosby...Fuck he was creepy! He had such composure and maturity, its not natural! It's freaking me out! He's got to be an alien or a cyborg or a cyborg alien, whatever, that shit just ain't kosher! Way to give me the creeps Crosby!



HAAAAAAA, his voice is so high! Since we're the same age and I'm crazy, I hypothesized that if Sidney and I were in the same class, he would have NEVER had a chance with me back then...but good thing we weren't, I'd kill myself like right now because not only is he awkwardly good looking, but he's fucking rich! Oh shut up, try paying your own way through university...HATERS!

The Boys Are Back...BITCHES!!!!

I know you love the alliteration in the title!

Last night, my boys the Sens, schooled the Carolina Hurricanes in hockey! And when I say 'schooled' I mean they kind of completely destroyed Carolina! If I were a 'canes fan, that game would have been torture to watch, but luckily I'm a Sens fan and that game was just another display of Ottawa's greatness.

In the Eastern Conference, Ottawa is the team to beat, the cream of the crop! The OTHER team to beat is Carolina. The 1st place team beat the 2nd best team 6-0...I don't know if that's an indication of how good Ottawa is or how bad the other teams in the Eastern Conference are BUT since I'm biased I'm going to say Ottawa is fucking amazing!

No, but really, did you watch last night's game?

The Sens were amazing, and I'm not just saying that because I'm a fan of the Sens, I'm saying that as a fan of hockey! The boys played beautifully! The passes, the set ups, the amount of shots on net, the cat and mouse game they played with the 'canes, clearly this is a skilled team! Did I mention Heater scored not once but TWICE, *sigh* what a charming smile...I mean shot, what -- what a shot, that Heatley has, heh...AHEM!

Scott Walker apparently was fed up with his team's shenanigans and decided to ram Gerber...bad idea! Hottie Townie, Mike Fisher, wasn't having any of it, and everyone's favourite Christian decided Walker needed a beat down...and Walker decided to go all Zinedine on him...without the whole 'your sister is a whore' comment. So Walker got a 5 minute penalty and Hottie Townie went back to the dressing room to see if any teeth were loosened (I thought Fish had dentures this whole time...who knew?)

So, Gerber shut out them 'canes! Emery having played only 5 minutes deserves nearly none of the credit...I'm not being mean, only fair! (I still love you Ray and your crazy pimp suits). Even the number 2 goalie on this team is on fire! Ottawa Senators, Stanley Cup finals 2008, TRUST!

What about Carolina? I don't hate Carolina, I even look on them with fondness, not just because there's a Staal (Eric) on their team but also because, they have Mike Commodore, and Rod Brind'Amour (the troll with the coolest last name), and Chad LaRose, who...I don't even know why I like him, ANYWAYS! There's no intense burning of hatred I feel like I do, say, for the Anaheim Ducks but srsly guys what happened???

The whole time Carolina was scrambling, running...er skating around with their heads cut off; they couldn't get their footing, couldn't get into the groove, it was kind of hilarious to watch! It was like they forgot how to play hockey, forgot all the skills they learned,and just chased that black thing sliding across the ice with no strategy, no plan in mind. All I can say is BAG SKATE PRACTICE!!!!

The 'Canes got merkked by my boys...and no I wouldn't have it any other way!

My boys are back! Fear has once again been struck in the hearts of the Eastern Conference! Sorry Sidney, I'm rooting for the Sens this time around...unless Jordo finally scores.




PS Alexander Ovechkin has been a one man team! He's fucking amazing! He deserves better than the Washington Capitals! Am I wrong?

Vindication and The Boy Who Went West

My boys the Sens, FINALLY, broke their losing streak...

I never thought that losing streak and Ottawa Senators would ever be in the same sentence but they've kind of been -- oh fuck I don't know what their deal was! ANYWWAYS they beat Florida yesterday 4-3, and apparently, it wasn't an easy win. Florida probably wanted to be in the 'in-crowd' with all the teams that beat the best team in the Eastern Conference, but the Sens were straight-up tired of losing, knowing full well that they could merkk all of these teams, and they came up with the win!

Don't get too cocky boys, its clear that you're not as invincible as we all thought...but you're still the hottest team in the NHL! :D


Like the rest of Canada last night, I watched the Edmonton-Pittsburgh game. Yes Sidney was on the same ice that Wayne Gretzky made famous; another great in a CRAZY-ASS hockey town. Edmonton fans are dedicated, obsessed, fuck they're down right dogmatic about their hockey! Edmonton was a-buzz the moment husband no. 5 touched down.


Sidney's great a great player, amazing, off the hook, he's a trip to watch, but with all this hype (that even I was feeling back here in Toronto) I kind of felt bad for him. He'll never ever get to be a regular guy; he's 20 and doesn't get to do the things that regular 20 year olds do. I'm pretty sure when he does go out, he has one drink, sits there laughing at all the crazy antics Colby Cheese gets into, but never gets into any antics himself...just speculation of course but he knows what he is, and what he means to the league, and millions of fans, so its not a huge stretch to say that Sidney doesn't get mad crunk on a regular basis.

THE GAME: The first two periods were kind of boring...and no it has nothing to do with the fact that El Pinguinos remained scoreless and the Oilers managed to take the lead with 2-nil, it was just both teams kept each other on a short leash.


They interviewed Sidney's dad during the game, and if you're wondering how Sidney turned out to be an amazing young man, look no further than Troy and Trina Crosby! (and yes I was creepy and noticed that Sidney has his dad's nose.) That's a message to all the crazy hockey parents out there, that the best player in the league, hell possibly the best player the game has ever seen, has supportive parents who don't beat up referees and yell at their kids when they loose a game!

With the start of the 3rd period I was worried that the Pens were not going to take this game, I mean it was the 3rd period, they had no goals and the Oilers had 2, but I remained positive, a lot could happen in one period and it did! Maxime Talbot scored the first goal, Kris Le Tang followed, then Colby Cheese and then Ryan Whitney. It all happened so fast I wasn't even sure what was happening (mainly because I pulled an all nighter before I was running on my last steam at 11:30 at night and kind of drunk tired). My boys managed to take the win, all in one period, if that's not a metaphor for what this team is capable of and will be capable of, then I don't know what is.

I have a feeling that this penguins team will be one of the greatest teams NHL teams EVER but thats just my biased opinion.


PS Jordo, dude when are you going to score bb ????

Whoa...Wait...What???

So my boys, the Sens, lost to the New York Rangers...

And my boys, the Pens, lost to the Toronto Maple Leafs...

I say this with the utmost respect and love, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED????

Watching both games it was painfully clear that neither team deserved to win, they didn't want it, they didn't show up to the arena, and Maxime that was crue,l cruel thing you did! Kids were expecting to see the messiah, not you, ugh I'm soooo disgusted, I'm officially not speaking to you...who am I kidding, it was hilarious, Je t'aime Maxime!!!!!!!!!



But in all seriousness it's just not a good night for me, I can't, I can't do this I'm sorry. Excuse me while I drown my sorrows in a bottle of tequila...Yea Marc you can join me, we'll spoon, and you can stroke my hair, while I sob! by the way you were amazing tonight *squee* which is more than I can say for your younger brother; srsly Jordo, what's the deal?

Coles Notes On The NHL

So my boys the sens lost their last 3 games...

But on a lighter note my boys the pens won their last two games! Sidney, darling, I never lost faith but can you pick up some bread on your way home? Thanks, love ya!

So the leafs got merkked by the Pheonix Gretzkys...But I'm fully convinced if it weren't for Brian McCabe and Illya "its plus seven" Bryzgalov, then the leafs would have taken this one!

WTF is wrong with me? I'm sounding like a real leafs fan, that's it I'm locking the leafs in the basement and turning all the lights off, just try and tell mom you little brats, do it and I'll tell all the kids at school you still pee in bed!

END SCENE



PS McCabe really needs to stop playing for the other team, like srsly!

Date, Marry, Kill The Ottawa Senators Edition : Round 3

Apparently I shouldn't have taken a break because my boys, has their asses handed to them on a platter by the Buffalo Sabres, but srsly boys, Alfie can't do it all, shape up! HOWEVER, Heater did score a goal *squee* AHEM moving on...

I'd date Jason Spezza:

Everyone thinks Jason is like teh hotness but I don't see it...honestly I don't. He is attractive(I guess) but he doesn't make me quiver. I'd totally date Jason just because he's the rich nice guy. He'd hold your purse at the club while you slut it up with your friends on the dance floor, he'd buy your tampons for you, and drive you to McDonalds when you get the cravings, give you a $1500 purse for your birthday, he'd want to cuddle after sex, but homeboy is too nice...Fish is nice too but Fish is also manly but Spezz...I think we should see other people!


I'd marry Wade Redden:

Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined wanting to marry a guy named Wade but Red is sooooooo fucking hot, and not just hot but handsome! He's the type to ride up on his white horse, sweep you off to his secret castle in the mountains, where he'll feed you grapes, make sweet love to you, and together you'll live happily ever after...and when I say castle I mean a log cabin in the rockies but still...*sigh*


I'd kill Randy Robitaille:

who?

Date, Marry, Kill The Ottawa Senators Edition : Round 2

I'd date Brian McGrattan:

Yes, I would totally date Brian McGrattan!!! The enforcer, the resident tough guy; some might say McG is kind of a loose cannon but they don't know B-ri, like I do. His whole tough guy 'act'(for lack of a better term) comes from a comical place, he loves kicking ass because we love it and he feeds off of that, and seeing him merk bitches is SUCH a turn on! B-ri is totally the guy that gets too drunk at the pub, dances like an idiot, makes really bad jokes, maybe starts a fight or two, but he's more of a Blaster (a la Mad Max 3) than a Mike Meyers (a la Halloween). In other words there's a sense of childlikeness, like boys brawling in the school yard rather than psycho serial killer. You'd probably get mad at him for public drunkenness and acting like a colossal idiot in front of everybody, but his apology would be epic "baby, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! shhhh! I'm sorry!" then he'd envelope you, you'd stagger off to the taxi, and upon arrival of his nouveau barely lived in condo, you engage in passionate make up sex...ugh B-ri would be the hardest to break up with, while your moving your stuff out of his condo, he'd just sit there silent, staring at the wall :'(. Sorry Brian, you're just not husband material, I love you but we just can't be together*

I'd marry Mike Fisher:

AKA Hottie Townie! OMG FISH! If there ever was a perfect man, Fish would be it! He'd be a devoted husband, loving father, and would never stray *squee*!!!!!!!! Hell even Don Cherry has a man crush on him! I don't know what to say that's already been said before but a re-cap wouldn't hurt! Big, strong, manly, all words I'd use to describe Fish, whether its putting the swing set together for the kids, or scoring goals on the ice, there's not other like Mike Fisher. Do we even need to get into how hot he is...yea I think so too! His eyes pierce your soul, his smile makes you melt, AND he's got the body of a lumberjack, you'd never get cold in the winter that's for sure. But what really makes me want to be Mrs. Nicole Fisher, is that he'd only EVER have eyes for you and there's no greater turn on than fidelity. Mike Fisher the hottest man ever to drive a mini-van!

I'd kill Chris Neil:

Your pirate smile isn't as charming as Heater's and for this sole reason, I'm going to have to off you...sorry :(




* I put waaaaaaaaaaay too much thought into this one

Date, Marry, Kill The Ottawa Senators Edition : Round 1

There's waaay to much hotness on this team for me only to pick two dudes I'd like to boink, so this calls for 2 or 5 rounds of Date, Marry, Kill The Ottawa Senators!

I'd date Antoine Vermette:

It's like the law here that a girl from English Canada must, at least once in her lifetime, have a passionate, unadulterated affair with some French Canadian hotness, and Antoine Vermette is my quota! We'd flat iron our hair together, exchange tips on which hair serums work best, eat oka cheese, cheer on the habs, and have hot sex. There's no denying that Vermy is hot as they come, I mean his smile alone should get him into any chick's panties but he's too much of a pretty boy for me, so after the hot sex cools off and we're sitting in bed with nothing to say to each other I'd have to leave his pansy ass. Sorry Antoine its not you its me!



I'd marry Dany Heatley:

NATURALLY! If you've been a dedicated reader of this blog (which includes my sister, and some middle aged man from Wisconsin) then you TOTALLY saw this one coming! Dany, Dany, Dany! I don't even get it, and yet here we are. There is just something about Heater that makes me want to jump his bones and have wild crazy jungle sex. It could be his charming half smirk pirate smile, his crazy eyes, his 'fro, his 'chill' attitude, or his crazy ass hockey skills, or the fact that he's the NHL's answer to Caleb Followill, whatever it is it has me dreaming of our cabin in the mountains and hot sticky summer nights till the end of time. Dany + Nicole = Luv 4eva!!!



I'd kill Joe Corvo:

Nothing personal Joe, its just I really hate your hair cut!

So Much For That Whole Goalie Problem

Dear Toronto Maple Leafs Vesa Toskala,

Hey honey buns! Sugar plum! Apple of my eye! Last night you were off the hook...like fo' real son! You shut out my boys the sens...THE FREAKING OTTAWA SENATORS!!!! I know!!! I can hardily believe it and judging from your post game interview, neither can you! Fuck Raycroft that's what I say! I mean, I may be biased because I think you're too cute, and you're my #1 favourite goalie (yes you have now usurped Illya "its plus seven" Bryzgalov as my favourite goalie) but that's neither here nor there, the point is, you were a pivotal part in my delinquent little brother beating the Leviathan of the Eastern Conference (you gotta love my metaphors, eh?)!!! You were all over the place, yous was loco esse!!!

I never thought I would ever be this happy for the bitches in blue beating my boys the sens but my god, its because of you darling, its all you!!! Now come home to mommy and we'll have some Finnish sausage*wink* *wink*...ugh I'm such a perv, how do you deal with me?


Love,
Nicole

Huh?

Dear Ottawa Senators,

Hey guys, its me Nicole! So um I think that you guys sort of forgot that there was a game on yesterday. I mean I saw a bunch of guys that looked EXACTLY like you but there's no way that you played last night, NO FREAKING WAY. First of all it was hella boring to watch, I put off writing my essay for that snooze fest? Pfffttt! Secondly and most importantly the Toronto Maple Leafs won...against you...the unstoppable Ottawa Senators...3-0!

So the only logical explanation I can come up with for this loss is that Ray Emery peer pressured you all in to to partying it up with him and Snopp Dogg in Vegas, because homeboy was bitter that he wasn't starting tonight and for some reason y'all thought this was a brilliant plan and followed Emery like the children followed the pied piper. So you guys just suited up some dudes from your farm team with your respective names on the jerseys, and followed Snopp and Emery to the Sodom and Gomorrah of modern times (that one's for you Fisher *wink*) to make bad decisions with each other!

...yea that's it! That's exactly what happened! I hope you're enjoying your hang over boys!


Love,
Nicole


PS you forgot to take Wade Redden with you, tsk! tsk!

Whoa...Wait...What???

So last night my boys, the Sens lost to the Washington Ovechkins.


The score? 4-1! Yea I know... I KNOW!!!!

You know this David and Goliath story gives hope to the bitches in blue!

Don't worry balance will soon be restored in the Eastern Conference with McCabe and Tucker (who were totally have keggers this entire time) set to play next game. And when I say balance will be restored I mean Tucker and McCabe will once again be USELESS

...go back to your kegger boys and while your at it grow a mullet and a Fu Manchu mustache because I'm pretty sure that's what you were born to do!

Z!NG!!!!!!!!!