Date, Marry, Kill: The Carolina Hurricanes Edition

Its been a while since D.M.K. so in honor of Carolina sucking royally lately (losing 2nd place to New Jersey, WTF???) let's do them 'canes, shall we?

I'd Date Mike Commodore:
I'm not going to lie, I do find Mike Commodore hugely attractive. He's got great bone structure, ginger hair, and if it weren't for that eye injury (or whatever the hell happened) homeboy would be hella hot!!! But alas what's done is done, and despite his lazy eye, I'd boink Commie in a New York minute! Pffft like you wouldn't. Commodore, I think would be a decent boyfriend; he'd probably do the typical boyfriend things like forget your birthday; go out to dinner with you and your single friends and be awkward about it; not take out the garbage unless told to do so; drink milk straight out of the carton; and when he wanted to get down and dirty you'd mostly likely reply with "not tonight, honey"...you know, usual boyfriend stuff. But the thing with Commie is, I'm like 100% sure that the relationship would start red hot, like sex on the hood of his F150 but then would cool off pretty quickly like having sex once a week and the whole time you're thinking about doing you're taxes. Sorry Mike, I just don't feel the way I used to, its over! (He'd be a great nostalgic lay, am I wrong?)


I'd Marry Rod Brind'Amour:


Oh yes you read correctly, I'd so totally marry Rod Brind'Amour! Never mind the fact that he's not getting any calls from GQ *cough* or the fact that I was 1 years old when he entered into the NHL(and had a mullet *gasp*) but let's talk about what is husband material:
a)A man who is responsible - Rod is the Captain of the 'caines, and lead his team to a win a Stanley Cup in 2006
b)A man who would be a good dad - Carolina has these weird personality profiles on their site for their various players (who wants to know Andrew Ladd's favourite colour anyway?) and as one of his favourite activities, Rod put spending time with his kids, tnawww so cute!
c)A man who has a good job - HELLO, professional athlete here!
d)A man who is respectful and honest - Clearly I don't know him personally but judging from his interviews Rod's a pretty good guy, plus all his teammates love him and if a Staal loves you then I love you!
e)A man who looks good in a suit - check above photo, and tell me he doesn't look sharp!

Plus there is just something about Rod that awakens the primordial instinct inside of me, every time I see him on tv, I want to jump through the screen, jump him, and just BREED! Yes animalistic, earth shattering sex with Rod Brind'Amour...you can toooootally picture it, can't you! (pervs!!!!!)


I'd Kill Cam Ward:


I know what you're thinking, "Oh Cam, he's just so gosh darn cute and he's Canadian and he's such a nice guy, why are you offing him?" Well I've got 5 words for you: His.Favourite.Band.Is.Nickleback. Any objections, now...yea I didn't think so!

The Boys Are Back...BITCHES!!!!

I know you love the alliteration in the title!

Last night, my boys the Sens, schooled the Carolina Hurricanes in hockey! And when I say 'schooled' I mean they kind of completely destroyed Carolina! If I were a 'canes fan, that game would have been torture to watch, but luckily I'm a Sens fan and that game was just another display of Ottawa's greatness.

In the Eastern Conference, Ottawa is the team to beat, the cream of the crop! The OTHER team to beat is Carolina. The 1st place team beat the 2nd best team 6-0...I don't know if that's an indication of how good Ottawa is or how bad the other teams in the Eastern Conference are BUT since I'm biased I'm going to say Ottawa is fucking amazing!

No, but really, did you watch last night's game?

The Sens were amazing, and I'm not just saying that because I'm a fan of the Sens, I'm saying that as a fan of hockey! The boys played beautifully! The passes, the set ups, the amount of shots on net, the cat and mouse game they played with the 'canes, clearly this is a skilled team! Did I mention Heater scored not once but TWICE, *sigh* what a charming smile...I mean shot, what -- what a shot, that Heatley has, heh...AHEM!

Scott Walker apparently was fed up with his team's shenanigans and decided to ram Gerber...bad idea! Hottie Townie, Mike Fisher, wasn't having any of it, and everyone's favourite Christian decided Walker needed a beat down...and Walker decided to go all Zinedine on him...without the whole 'your sister is a whore' comment. So Walker got a 5 minute penalty and Hottie Townie went back to the dressing room to see if any teeth were loosened (I thought Fish had dentures this whole time...who knew?)

So, Gerber shut out them 'canes! Emery having played only 5 minutes deserves nearly none of the credit...I'm not being mean, only fair! (I still love you Ray and your crazy pimp suits). Even the number 2 goalie on this team is on fire! Ottawa Senators, Stanley Cup finals 2008, TRUST!

What about Carolina? I don't hate Carolina, I even look on them with fondness, not just because there's a Staal (Eric) on their team but also because, they have Mike Commodore, and Rod Brind'Amour (the troll with the coolest last name), and Chad LaRose, who...I don't even know why I like him, ANYWAYS! There's no intense burning of hatred I feel like I do, say, for the Anaheim Ducks but srsly guys what happened???

The whole time Carolina was scrambling, running...er skating around with their heads cut off; they couldn't get their footing, couldn't get into the groove, it was kind of hilarious to watch! It was like they forgot how to play hockey, forgot all the skills they learned,and just chased that black thing sliding across the ice with no strategy, no plan in mind. All I can say is BAG SKATE PRACTICE!!!!

The 'Canes got merkked by my boys...and no I wouldn't have it any other way!

My boys are back! Fear has once again been struck in the hearts of the Eastern Conference! Sorry Sidney, I'm rooting for the Sens this time around...unless Jordo finally scores.




PS Alexander Ovechkin has been a one man team! He's fucking amazing! He deserves better than the Washington Capitals! Am I wrong?