Date, Marry, Kill The Staal Brothers Edition: Incest is best!

The Staal brothers, the greatest genetic experiment to hit the NHL!!!! Not only do these boys have marketable mad hockey skills but they also have mad marketable looks! Spreads in GQ and Vogue homme are just around the corner, TRUST! Now lets' get on with the Staaling, shall we?

I'd date Marc Staal:

"Hey Marc, do the carpets match the curtains?" ;)

There's just something about Marc that awakens the maternal instinct in me; it could be his ginger hair, or that he's the brother we know the least about, or it could be the fact that he's exposed to a naked Sean Avery on a regular basis (exposure to a miro-penis must be traumatizing). Whatever it is, whenever there's mention of Ginge Staal an uncontrolled "tnawwwwwwww, Marc" escapes from my mouth, I don't know why, just does. Marc would be the best boyfriend out of all the NHL Staals (Sorry Jared, you've been excluded, what are you like, 12?) because I think he's the nicest; he'd give you flowers after you got your teeth cleaned at the dentist, would leave you the bigger piece of the pie, introduce you to his mother after your second date, hold your hair after you've taken 12 tequila shots, vomiting everywhere, and he'd probably hang out with you more than with 'his boys'. BUT no matter how nice Ginge is, I can't do nice. After a while I'd get sick of him always putting the seat down when he's done in the bathroom, and asking me about my feelings sorry Marc, its just not going to work out!

I'd marry Jordan Staal:



I'm like 100% sure that Penguins INC. AKA Mario, is pulling in all kinds of favours for the local newspapers, radio stations, and puck bunnies, not to spill the beans, because Jordo, is a party boy!!!! Abso-freaking-lutely, 100 % true, homeboy parties like a rock star!!!! But Jordan isn't a mindless frat ass hat, by day he's the fun guy, who most girls would think "omg Jordan would make SUCH a good boyfriend, like omg!!!!" he may make in appropriate jokes at times but overall Jordo is harmless and a sweet guy...that is until its pub night and its $4 dollars a pitcher! Homeboy is completely unrecognizable when you walk in, dancing like an ape, telling dirty jokes, yelling "I lurve thesssss sssssssong!" every 2 minutes, possibly a young Brian McGrattan, maybe? So why do I want to marry this fool? Well besides the fact that we have soooo much in common and we'd like totally be bff in real life, well:
a)He's super talented, hall of fame bound for sure!
b)When Jordo's passed out on the couch Marc and I could relive the glory days upstairs *wink* *wink*
c)Paternity wouldn't come into question because ginges are prevelant in both our families, so it would totally be possible for Jordo and I to make a ginge baby, Marc wouldn't even pop into his mind, heh...AHEM
d)Sidney Crosby would be our neighbour (he can come borrow some sugar anytime ;))
e)With his height and bone structure, and my eclectic genetic make up, and pretty gene our sons would be strapping young lads, while our daughters would be victoria secret-esque beauties
f) BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY Jordan will be soooooo hot when he gets older! Think he's good looking now wait till he's 35, old man hot is the best kind of hot!
Yes I would soooo marry Jordan Staal, how fun would that marriage be?

I'd kill Eric Staal:



Something's starting to change in the eldest of the brotherhood. He' still a kick ass player BUT I'm sensing an arrogance that was not there before, its mild, but still there...who do you think you are Eric, Sidney Crosby? OFF WITH HIS HEAD!

Skating Bullets On Angel Dust

Taking a break from the whole Date/Marry/Kill series. I haven't decided if the Ottawa Senators warrants 1 or 2 more rounds, quite frankly I can't decide. Mainly because I'm having a hard time choosing which senators to send to the gallows. I mean I love them all, they're my boys, I'm still mourning the loss of Neil and Corvo (who REALLY needs a new hair stylist), sorry guys, I'm going to have to sleep on this one!



So Exams are coming up, one every week for the next 3 weeks, which of course means that my posting on here will remain constant if not increase...who needs a future when you can sit in your pajamas all day, on the computer, passing judgment on people you'll never meet?

Viva la internet!

So in the tradition of me Staaling (hee) and not studying, I've complied a list of songs that I just can't stop listening to, its been a while since a rock n roll post and I think its time!

I love the tiny veins on your back they remind me of the way that porcelain cracks:

Parisian Skies by Maximo Park
Who is this man? Who is Paul Smith? Every song he writes, I get! I totally get it! That was me, that was totally me! I felt that; thought that; said that; lived that, or in some cases wished that happened to me. His break up songs are the best, no 'how am I supposed to live without you' shit but words that you'd actually formulate, say to your asshole ex-boyfriend/girlfriend. Parisian Skies is the last conversation you'd have with your ex-lover, still madly in love with them but knowing there's no other way, you have to end it *tear*
Favourite Line: "Oh Rebecca (or insert your ex-lover's name) your loss was mine too"


True Love Way by Kings of Leon
I'm obsessed with this song! You don't even know! As mention on a bajillion occasions Caleb is the man of my dreams, the main reason being he can write songs like True Love Way. This song is about real love, honest love, its hard, its messy, it hurts, but its pure, its the kind of love you look back on when your 80 years old sitting on your porch, you turn to your husband/wife and think "I wouldn't have it any other way". I love this song because Caleb is such an honest song writer, he puts all he's got into every song (AND every performance too) so much that I can't help but think he's singing it to me...NO I don't mean in a creepy fan girl kind of way, what I mean is that when you listen to this song, it seems so personal and pure, that it can't be for anybody else but you!
Favourite Line: "And I'm still crazy when I see your face" I know exactly what you mean Caleb *sigh*


Star Witness Neko Case:
The epitome of tragic summer love! If Margaret Atwood wrote romance novels, Star Witness would be the perfect story line! Everything you should be doing when you're 16, from a small town and in love with a boy from the wrong side of the tracks, kind of like the film noir version of Footloose but without the dancing. I love the dark imagery put along side the innocence of young love, Neko's voice pulls it off perfectly, when she drawls "please don't let him die" ugh! my heart it breaks!
Favourite Line: "And I would do anything to see you again" pass the Kleenex please!


Ceremony by New Order:
This song was played in Sofia Coppola's 'Marie Antoinette' and can I tell you how it was perfect! Romantic, frivolous, love, hate, anguish, luxury, joy,magical, all words one could use to describe both the movie and the song...the song of course being the better medium! No matter what's going on, I turn on Ceremony, and life is all of a sudden, a beautiful thing, now isn't that what music should be!
Favourite Line: "I'll break them down no mercy shown"


Wrecking Ball By Interpol:
This song is epic! A slow motion battle scene! Marching to your death! A rumble in your soul kind of tune. Completely depressing and yet entirely beautiful. Its the end of the 'Last of the Mohicans', only one of you left, you against the world, and you're going down fighting... motherfuckers!
Favourite Line: "Stay and Fight"


Famous Blue Raincoat by Leonard Cohen:
Leonard Cohen is a fucking genius and the only man I'd EVER let serenade me. I love how this song is a letter, no chorus, just a series of stanzas, telling a story, of a past affair, from what I gather he's describing a menage a trois and its aftermath. The pain of inviting a third party into your most intimate relationship and then one day they're gone. Can you imagine passionately loving someone you hate intensely? Your heart being pulled at every which way! The chaos, the confusion, the sex!!!! And when its all said and done, you're not who you used to be and your lover is unrecognizable, UGH what beautiful tragedy!
Favourite Line: The Entire Song!!!!!!!!!!


Smokers Outside The Hospital Doors by Editors:
I'm like 100% sure that this song is about ascension. Your soul being lifted up to heaven, not knowing who you are, half excited, half scared. Looking down at the world below getting smaller and smaller, you want a second chance but DUDE you're going to heaven!This song needs to be played full blast, all the windows turned down, and you driving at 100 km/hour, only then could you fully appreciate this masterpiece!
Favourite Line: "Say goodbye to everyone you have ever known you are not gonna see them ever again"

Kingdom by Dave Gahan:
LOVE this song! can't stop listening to it. Dave's voice has always moved my soul (a la Depeche Mode) but fuck this song is legendary. Conflicted and in pain, something that's been done by Gahan and Depeche Mode before but the boys always reinvent it. The gothic opera, the sick and twisted romance, it doesn't get any better than this. Kingdom is an open letter to the gods: srsly guys, what gives?
Favourite Line: "If there's a kingdom beyond it all is there a god who loves us all do we believe in love at all"

The Friday Five

Stolen from a random entry on livejournal's Friday Five

1. What was the most sick that you've ever been?
I had a viral infection back when I was 13. I missed 29 days of school, it was kind of sweet I'm not going to lie!
2. What disease are you afraid of getting?
Ebola, mostly the bleeding from every orphus part. PS its not an airborne disease despite popular belief
3. Are you a big baby when it comes to taking medicine/shots for your illnesses?
No, I usually don't medicate, I get over the illness in about the same amount of time if I were to take medicine, so why ruin my liver when my immune system is just as good
4. Is going to the doctor really THAT bad?
I wouldn't know, I haven't been in 4 years
5. Would you have the flu twice a month if you were paid $1,000 for having it?
Yea! The flu isn't that bad! toughen up you pansies!

Ray Emery <3's Sean Avery

...ok not really, watch this video!

Love it when asked if they were friends off the ice Emery gives a condescending look and Avery does that whole act that guys do when in the presence of another guy whom they know is cooler than them. CLEARLY Tim Deegan does not watch hockey or else he would have never asked that question, even dudes on his own team hate him!!!!



Sean "La Douche" Avery : "yea we're like totally friends, right Ray? He's on speed dial you know! I call him like every day! Right Ray? He never picks up but I like always leave messages! He never calls back but he's like really busy because he's the goalie of the best team in the league and he has lots to do, right Ray? One time we were at this charity golf game, OH MY GOD, get this, when he passed by me on his golf cart I like totally waved at him, remember that Ray? Remember how I waved? I know, good times, good times! I love your shoes Ray where'd you get them? I want to buy the exact same pair, and we can be like twins or something, like the Staal brothers but cooler, even though none of them are twins but you know what I mean! Right Ray? So if you ever want to hang out some time just you know call me back, do you have my number? I'll give it to you, and whenever you come to New York to play the Rangers you can come stay with me, don't worry I'll sleep on the couch you can have my bed. Ok Ray? You're my best friend right, Ray? Ray? I love you! RAY?"

Ray "Big Pimp" Emery: Sorry Sean gotta go, Elisha's waiting up for me. You know she said the weirdest thing to me the other day when we were lying in my bed naked, she said that I was the only real man she's ever been with. Anyways she was telling me what a good lay I was and how I do crazy shit like listen to her and pick her up from the airport. She also told me that she appreciates how I don't tell her that she needs to go on a diet and should spend more time at the gym, I don't know where she got an idea like that from because man, girl is HOT! Oh she also loves how I don't cry after sex, calling for my mommy, seriously where does she get this from? Hey didn't you two to go out at some point? Anyways, I gotta bounce! Good luck with that clothes rack troll of yours oh and uh go fuck yourself Avery!"


Emery's totally full of himself but I still love him and yea I'd hit it!

You Know I'm No Good

I really need a boyfriend to share this pizza with...