I'd Date Derek Roy:
He's a little pipsqueak in comparison to his contemporaries(height wise) but dude can hold his own...oh and he's FION!!!!!!!!!!!! Derek's got that typical hockey player look, like he was born to play hockey and born to break hearts. He'd be the kind of boyfriend that would always want to party; like Fridays and Saturdays are always spent at Philthy McNasty's, with him getting sloshed on Molson Canadian, singing Journey with his buddies, and trying to convince you to get it on in the Phithy washroom. Not the best hockey player but he's hot, and you're only dating him, so does anything else really matter. So why is Derek only deserving of your superficial affections? Well he isn't the greatest hockey player, he isn't the brightest crayon in the box, he'll probably cheat on you with every puck bunny that flashes a smile, and he's a worse dresser than Sidney Crosby. He just isn't a keeper.
I'd Marry Thomas Vanek:
He's a good hockey player, he's semi-good looking, he's rich, you'd be set for life with his earnings but what makes Vanek a true winner is his hometown: ~*Vienna*~. Ok this is where all your little girl fantasies can come true: the ~*Viennese*~ ball, the ~*Viennese*~ ballet, walking the streets of ~*Vienna*~ at twilight in July, sipping coffee on the patio of a ~*Viennese*~ cafe...fuck even a ~*Viennese*~ toilet sounds romantic! You'd be too distracted by the romance and beauty of ~*Vienna*~ that you'd totally forget that your husband kind of looks like a serial killer...oh well, who cares if he likes to throw the help into a wood-chipper every once in a while, you get to sip 100 yr old wine in your 17th century, lake front, mansion!
I'd Kill Ryan Miller:
I hate his hair cut! I hate the way he dresses! AND he's not as good as everyone thinks he is! Its time to swim with the fishies my friend!
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