Dear Robert Kearney,

I have to be honest with you Robert, I did not feel you at first.

No, no you didn't do anything wrong, its just, well you're good looking, very good looking, and I thought you were too good looking.

You're probably asking yourself, 'how is that possible', well it is darling it is! Let me explain. Like when you walk into your Aunt Mable's house and everything's clean, perfect, and beautiful but it feels more like a museum than a home, and you just can't seem to get comfortable or feel relaxed because you're too worried about spilling tea on her immaculate white carpet, and breaking her Wedgwood china tea set that she insists on using but always reminds you, underhandedly, that its Wedgwood china, okay bitch?



You were Aunt Mable's house, too clean, too pretty, too perfect.

Your lips are also the same colour as your face...pale and freckly. What??? That's a legitimate deal breaker, don't judge.



Not to mention your last name is Kearney. See at first I thought it was pronounced Keer-nee, which I thought was so cool, the way it sounded and the way you had to twist your mouth to say it, so awesome right...that is until I heard your name pronounced the right way by the commentators and learned that its acutally prounounced Kar-nee. Like Carnie...Carnie...CARNIE:


And images of toothlessness, sweat stains, yellow fingers, and pedophilic vibes entered into my brain. You were almost lost forever.

Luckily for you I am a huge procrastinator of school work and saw the interview you did for Rugby For The Girls and instantly fell in love, and then I saw some video interviews that you've done; the one where you had scruff sealed the deal.



I think that's proof that our love is real, its exactly like when Elizabeth Bennet visits Pemberly and all of a sudden gets Mr. Darcy and instantly falls in love! I visited your Pemberly, and now I get you!

So now that you're one of our boyfriends be prepared to have me psychotically rant about you, its ok your Ireland international teammate, Tommy Bowe, can show you the ropes ;).

Love,
Nicole
xoxo

PS My favourite part of RFTG interview:
Q: What is your ultimate fantasy
A: A beach with all our RFTG female readers, blue sea, and no clothes allowed.

...he was pretty much asking for it.