STAY THE FUCK AWAY!!!!!!!!!

Ick! Ick! ICK!

Paris Hilton? you know Paris Hilton, right? that disease ridden, no-talent, trashy, skank? Of course you know her, how can you not know her, homegirl is everywhere, from the launch of a new pepsi can, to a blockbust premiere, that girl is EVERWHERE! Whoring herself out to anyone and anything. She's disgusting, she's useless, and she dresses like she's from a trailer park. But like I said, she's everywhere, and everything she touches turns to shit. Think about it, is there any product, movie, campaign, album, person that's ever prospered after coming into contact with Paris Hilton?

Oh rick, you will be our undoing!

Anything? anything?

NO! because that skank is a disease! so when she said this:

"I’m really good at ice hockey. I’ve been playing since 10th grade, and people don’t know that I play defense in hockey. I like to check people, push people down."

First of all I called bullshit! Because there's no way, this chick can skate let alone play hockey and Second HOLY SHIT SHE'S GOING TO INFECT ONE OF MY BOYS!!!!!! you can just tell she's setting up to make her move on one of the NHL's brightest.

My first thought was OMG SIDNEY CROSBY but then I remembered that Sidney's not into that kind of skank-trash, and would definitely not like the constant paparazzi parade that would surely follow him, plus Mario would not approve; no worries our Lord and Savior is safe.

Alexander Ovechkin? He'd soooo be down with that because he is into that kind of skank-trash but Paris is shallow, so I doubt she'll be able to stand Ovie's crooked nose and missing teeth.

Mike Fisher? NO CHANCE IN HELL! Step off you slag, Fish wouldn't stick it in you, not even if you were the last woman on earth!

Sean Avery? He would and apparently he's tried to tap that but she turned him down because apparently she has some sense of loyalty (Elisha her good friend, used to date Avery, gag!).

Jordan Staal? Oh J. Staal, something tells me he would, but I'm like 100% sure Eric would NEVER let that happen! So Jordan's safe, possibly, maybe...Don't make me call your mother!

Dion Phaneuf? He'd bang her for sure, but wouldn't stay around long enough for the disease to take full effect. Plus I think he's a bigger slut than she is; one slut cancels out another slut, her disease will prove useless. (OMG is he the cure???)

Rick Nash? And we have a winner! I can see it, can you see it? He looks the type, doesn't he? He's got that douche bag look to him, an [im]perfect vector for the incurable, highly dangerous, bleeding from every orifice, Paris Hilton disease. Rick, don't do it! don't do it! Please for the sake of the game, nay, for the sake of humanity, do not stick your dick in that disease!


Paris Hilton: The end of the NHL? She very well could be...