Matt Smith is the new Kris Russell

Why?

Here's a clue: why are we jealous of Kris Russell? Because he's roommates with Jared Boll, right?



So why would Matt Smith of the Leicester Tigers be the new Kris Russell????

Any guesses?

Anyone?

Bueller? Bueller?

No?

Ok fine I'll tell y'all


Matt Smith is the new Kris Russell because he's roommates with Tom Croft...and yes we're jealous of him!

But according to Tom, according to Matt, he's not too smooth with the ladies:

He'd say I've got poor chat, not too clever with the ladies and fairly ugly too. Matt Smith is my best mate at Leicester. We went to school together and now we live together. He has to put up with me all the time, so he’s probably the best person to dish the dirt.



*sigh*

Doesn't that make him more endearing? More lovable? Like you just want to hold him and cuddle him, and spoon with him, and- do other things to/with him, heh.

Um...

ANYWAYS, I totally buy that Croft hasn't got game (or poor chat as they call it over there), I don't want to say that he's not smart because that's not the case; I see him getting tongue tied and saying really strange things like 'your hair looks nice, what shampoo do you use?' and with many girls/women if its not happening in the first 5 seconds its not happening PERIOD.

Oh Tom, this makes us love you more because unlike Jared Boll we're pretty sure you don't have crabs, oh you heard me Jared!

Rick Nash Spent The Night

Last night my delinquent little brother, the leafs played, my husband and the blue jackets. And shockingly enough, my little snot nosed brother actually held his own, all the way to shoot-outs! But they should have known better, you can't beat Rick Nash in shoot-outs, PLEASE!

I really wanted the Blue Jackets to win, so they could be in a playoff spot. See in the western conference, you can win 5 games be in 6th place and then loose 1 and then all of a sudden you're in 11th place, its THAT tight of a race over there! So the blue jackets need to fight every night to make it to the playoffs, so Rick Nash can come home to me, in Toronto and possibly bring Lord Stanley with him

...that might be wishful thinking but like I've always said Rick Nash only ever wanted to bring the jackets to the playoffs, he never said he wanted to win them a cup. And as of today, they're in the playoffs...and he's a free-agent this season. Come home Rick, come home!

Anyways...

The officials seemed to be out to lunch yesterday. In the first period the blue jackets *cough*Raffi Torres*cough* made some questionable hits and there was no penalty called. And when Jared Boll knocked over Pogge, Schenn had enough of this foolishness:



With his iron grip it seems like Schenn tired to be like 'listen, bitch I am sick of yo shit! stop it or youse getting a beat down', Boll did not head his warning and went for a punch, and Schenn just wrestled him down and was like 'look man, I don't think you understand, I WILL fuck you up!'. Despite my primodial attraction to Boll, I was very proud of our Luke. Standing up for his goalie, his team, even Uncle Brian was proud!

LOL then after the commentators were like 'euuuu Luke, don't fight with that guy! You're better than that. Don't waste your time on him' They're so disgusted with Boll, LMAO

Things got so heated last night that even Little Shake, Kris Russell, tried to get into some action with Dominic Moore. Tnawwww, Little Shake, leave the fights to the big boys, ok baby?

The Blue Jackets had a Fashion Show

Rick Nash wasn't there so it wasn't that serious. Jared Boll (who should never smile ever again) was there with his adorable little friend Kris Russell...there were other players too but whatever.

It was all for a good cause and the kids were so darn cute and I am SO jealous of that adorable little girl who got to kiss Jared and Kris, homegirl's got game, what can I say?

Kris Russell looks so good all cleaned up, just like I said he would. Hopefully he takes something away from this! You better get on that girls! Why have Boll who, when he smiles looks like something that lives under your stairs, when you can have the uber-cuteness that is Kris Russell.

see look what I do for you Russell! I think deserve some kind of reward like a night alone with your captain or if you can't swing that a night alone with your roommate. I scratch you back you scratch mine...

Mentor vs Protege

Hm, love how the commentators are going on about how Boll stood his own...

Yes and no.

Boll and Shelley are friends, this was probably just for shits and giggles I mean the fight is not that fierce, they weren't really trying that hard. So yes he did hold his own because he didn't get his ass kicked BUT the fight wasn't that serious.

However, let's just say that they weren't friends and one went after the other's star player, oh that would have been a fight for the ages...and much to the chagrin of Danny Gare, Jody Shelley would have wiped the ice with Jared Boll's ass.

What? Its true!

Brashear merkks Boll in the face, Danny Gare takes exception

And the man crush intensifies...



Hey, Danny, I agree with you but did you really have to jump out of your seat, knock over your bud light and yell in my ear about it? Boll takes shots to the face all the time (oh my what a double entendre we have here!), look he gets right back up ready to continue, there's no need to go nuclear!

PS In my psychotic obsession research of Jared Boll, you wouldn't believe how many photo's I've found of Danny Gare lurking the background. Looks like I'm not the only one jealous of Kris Russell maybe I should do a news serial!

PPS I'm not hating on Gare, he seems like a fun guy, like the dad elected to chaperon your trip to the cottage and then gets drunk with you and your friends and tells stories about when he was in the army in some foreign country and how he got down with the local girls...good times! Danny Gare is totally that dad, who drives a John Deer lawn mower and buys you beer for your parties because its 'safer if you drink in the house'. He'd be so fun to have over at a BBQ, non?

At Home With Jared Rittenhouse Boll...Kris Russell was There Too

Danny Gare totally has a man crush on Jared Boll! And why wouldn't he? Jared's straight up hot!

I think its obvious that Jared and I are made for each other: I hate cleaning, he's a neat freak. He can't cook, I love to cook, SOULMATES!!!!!!! But he can't join my polyandrous cult just yet, Dominic Waldouck got's firsties! Sorry Boll, you've got to remain a boyfriend for now.

Oooo as his bff's gf, I could totally give Russell some tips on how to manage that impossible hair of his...I'm like an expert on hair because mine requires so much effort and maintenance. K, so Kris conditioner is your friend, and unless you're going to maintain it, long hair just isn't for you, hun!

PS Kris has really nice lips, non? Shoulda been a girl, we'll keep Ryan the way he is though, he's the better looking twin...I'm so bad.

Jared Rittenhouse Boll's Got Depth Y'all!

This interview is c/o the lovely Bethany at Bethany's Hockey Rants.

This Photo is old...like this interview. BTW blonde really doesn't suit him

What’s the one thing you can’t leave home without when you go on road trips?
Pillow

How did you choose your sweater number?
Just picked it a long time ago and stuck with it

Where is the one place that you have always wanted to visit, but have not been?
Bahamas

What animal do you think best matches your personality?
Tiger, because I like them (wow Jared, great elaboration!)

If you had to listen to the same CD on repeat for the rest of your life, which one would it be?
DMB (Dave Matthews Band) - Live in Chicago (I'm shocked, I had him pegged as a rap rock fan...along with country)

If you could change one thing in the world what would it be and why?
No mosquitoes, I hate them (forget war, cancer, poverty, Boll wants to get rid of mosquitoes. Priorities mate, priorities)

If you were a contestant on Survivor what teammate would you want in your tribe?
James Neal (I love James Neal he always has this 'WHAT?!?' look on his face)

If you had a superpower what would you want it to be? What would your superhero name be?
Invincible, Invisaman (Oh you so clever Jared)

If you had to pick a theme song for your life, what would it be? How about for your hockey career?
Thunderstruck, because it’s cool (Nice justification)

You win 5 million dollars (US) in the lottery, what is the first thing you’d buy?
A sailboat for my Dad (aw, how sweet *swoon*)

What actor would have play yourself in a film?
Ashton Kutcher (Only because you both have silky smooth straight hair...JERKS!)

Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Yes, 2 brothers

All time favorite TV shows?
Saved by the Bell (Srsly? Not even Seinfeld? Simpsons? No! Saved By the Bell, y'all)

Dream vehicle?
Lamborghini (Well Dom, drives a Spider Audi...what have you ever done with your life?)

Do you have pets?
Yes, a dog (name? breed? favourite chew toy? ANYTHING?)

What is the best prank you’ve ever played on someone?
locked my brother in a closest, I thought it was funny at the time (I guess its one of those things were you had to be there, eh?)

If you could pick four people to have dinner with, living or dead, who would they be and why?
Jesus, Steve Yzerman, Scott Bowman, My Grandpa (aw, I'd pick my grandpa too!)

What is your nickname on the team?
Bollzy (LMAO)

What is your most memorable hockey moment?
Winning the macs in midget with Gino (Pisellini) on Team Illinois

What is the song that gets you fired up?
Van Halen - Right Now (No, just no)

If you were not playing hockey, what would you like to do for a career?
A sports agent (mmm Jared would look good in a suit, I'd be the CEO to his Ho any day!)

How did you get started in hockey? At what age?
I think my dad just put me on the ice once and loved it ever since, age 5

What words of advice would you offer to young hockey players?
Go as hard as you can every shift because it could be your last (this could also be applied to everyday life, kids!)

What are your hobbies?
Golf, Video Games

How do you prepare for a game?
Get mentally focused (could you be more specific, perhaps?)

What is the first hockey memory?
Scoring (Jared's doesn't get caught up in the details...)

What do you do to relax?
Sleep (NO WAI!)

If you are living away from home, how has the move to Plymouth effected you?
Good, made me mature (I'd beg to differ, doing your own laundry does not = maturity, and Kris Russell's giggles betray you!)

Anything you would like to say to the fans?
Cheer loud (Typical)

A few of my favorite things…

Hockey Player: Todd Bertuzzi, Darcy Tucker (...two of my favourite players...NOT)

Music Group: DMB (what's with the abbreviations?)

Food: Steak

Hockey Team: Columbus Bluejackets (I should hope so)

Movie: Dumb & Dumber, Rudy (Oh Jared...)

Book: Green Eggs and Ham (I think its evident that this was the last book Jared read...back in the 1st grade)

Actor: Matt Damon (Maaatt Damon, MAAAAAAAT DAMON)

Actress: Julia Roberts (Maaatt Damon!)

Brand of Stick: Bauer

Brand of Skate: Bauer

Cartoon: Popeye (WTF, when was Jared born the 50s? because when we were kids X-men and Spiderman were the shit!)

Superhero: Superman (BOO, Batman FTW!)

Color: Blue

Sport (besides hockey): Golf

Thing to do on the bus: Listen to music, talk

Video Game: any of the NHL games

Snack Food: pickles (I like pickels too, pick me! pick me!)

After reading this interview (which was done when he was in the America Leage or OHL, whatever its a few years old) its apparent that...well like I said before, would you really want to spend your time with Jared Boll conversing? Nah, I didn't think so.

Jared Rittenhouse Boll Video of the Day

He doesn't seem too smart, does he? It could be because the interview was kind of lame and didn't really allow him to show his 'personality' however, I doubt fortuitous is in his vocabulary. Not that it matters because if it were you and Jared Boll alone, would you really want spend your time talking?

Methinks not!

But he is adorable, sweet, and definitely resonates with the 12 year old inside of me who fell in love with all the guys on her brother's hockey team because they were 'like, soooooo cute'.

Things sure have changed, eh?

O Hai Thar Jared Boll

How could I have missed this? How could I have missed those glorious eyebrows?

While my focus of the Columbus Blue Jackets has been firmly planted on to my darling Rick Nash, Jared Boll has been running around kicking some ass for a season and a half. I knew he was there in theory, how could you not? He's the Jacket's enforcer and throws down with anyone, anytime, anywhere BUT its only been very recently where I've discovered his flowing hair and immaculate eyebrows.



Where have I been?


Jared Boll is a straight up hottie. Sure he wears graphic tees and the wrong wash of jeans and he listens to country but he's damn fine! His face is full of angles and points; sometimes he's loin quivering hot and sometimes hes totally precious and other times he's down right scary but you'd still hit it in a New York minute. And the best part is, he's nice, like genuinely nice, who knew?



Oh and you know its a total turn on that homeboy can kick some serious ass, our primordial instincts have not been completely wiped out, now have they?

What I wouldn't give to trade places with Kris Russell just for a day *sigh*

I think it just got a little hotter in here